A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 9 years. Recently, my wife and I were having a deep conversation about the early part of our relationship and she said that our courting period was "really short" implying "too short." We dated for about 8 months before I asked her to move in with me (which she did) and we got married 2 years later. This seems a little fast, I guess, but I thought it was because we were so much in love. I am somewhat insulted by her comment and I don't understand it. Is she saying that she regrets being with me? I asked her that and she said that she loves me and wants to be with me, but that we missed a lot of the playful romance and went straight to life as a couple. I seem to recall a lot of good times. Her comments worry me, because to me it sounds like she's saying she misses dating. We, as a couple, date a lot - more than most married couples I know. I don't understand women at all apparently, so will someone please translate her comment into something I can understand?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (29 November 2011):
 '..we missed a lot of the playful romance and went straight to life as a couple...' She means you both fell into the domestic routine a bit too soon for her liking.
I agree with everything tennistar has said except the recommendation to brush off the comment. I think you're wife wants a bit more fun and excitement in the relationship. Go out on dates with her again, make time for fun outside the house, try different things, like you used to.
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (29 November 2011):
 Her comment could mean anything.
I suggest that the next time you are talking with another on this level -- if you really truly want the answer -- that you bring her comment up and ask her what she meant by it and if she has any regrets. Explain to her your fears and concerns and hopefully she'll come around. It could be regrets, or it could just be just something she said without thinking of the effect it might have on you.
Personally, I don't think what you did at 8 months is too unusual or too hasty (though I tend to disagree with living together prior to a very firm engagement). Obviously you've worked out reasonably well if you've been married for as long as you have.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (29 November 2011):
 She's basically saying she could've used a bit more of the wooing and honeymoon phase of the relationship.
Then again, if she thought you two were moving too fast then she should've piped up..and not moved in with you. So it's not like she didn't have a say in the pace of the relationship.
I would brush off her comment. It's not like she's saying she wants a divorce and wishes to return to the dating world. She's just making a comment about what she would've done differently if she could turn back time. But we can't. The past is the past. Focus on what you have now in the present times.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2011): I think it means she's having some doubts about her present life and her past decisions. That's nothing to panic about (yet) because you should be thankful that she's being open and honest with you and letting you know when something is on her mind. Rather than keeping things to herself until they get worse and then blindsiding you with a long list of grievances."I am somewhat insulted by her comment and I don't understand it."you don't understand her comment, and yet you're insulted. you're reading your own biases and issues into it, which may have nothing to do with what she is meaning to say. if you don't understand what she's saying, then how about asking her for clarification rather than making all kinds of assumptions and getting yourself worked up about that.
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