A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:An acquaintance of mine from high school has asked to take me on a date.Thing is, through the 5 years I've known him, I'm really not attracted to him. It also seems as though he's trying too hard to impress me about himself by saying how he styles his hair, he's changed his style, his braces have came off etc...He also said he's going to charm me.It just seems as though he's trying too hard. But I appreciate he hasn't ever had any girlfriends, so isn't too experienced.He's also admitted to having a crush on me in the past.In high school he hung around in our clique. He was very quiet, although when we spoke I was never drawn to his personality.I'm questioning now whether or not I want to go on this date. I feel as though it could be a pity date. Although I don't want to let him down, he seems really into me.He has not long texted me saying he hopes we can be together. I don't want this though.What should I do regarding the date.He's offered to take me to a really romantic candlelit restaurant and to pay. I would prefer to pay for myself, but he refuses to let me.I haven't seen him for 2 years, should I give him a chance, despite not being attracted to him?
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male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (29 December 2011):
If its honestly a pity date that you have no interest in going on, do not go. A roommate of mine a few years back was one of those guys who only got pity dates after pressing and pressing a girl until she finally gave him a shot. Each time, the girl gave his hopes up by accepting the date in the first place (not that I blame them, I'd probably give in eventually if I was pressured constantly) and he was always confused as to why these girls wouldn't want a second date.
Trust me, I tried to explain to him that they went on the date as a pity date and that he should move on, but that concept was completely lost on him. In his world, he could charm anyone if he was given the chance and would not accept rejection. It was a mess which usually wound up with him feeling worse and the girl in an even more awkward position.
Though it may seem harsh, you need to tell him (firmly) that you just aren't interested in going out with him. Lay it on the line and say you don't want to be more than friends with him. If he's okay just being friends, continue on as normal. If he still persists about the date, cut him off from communication. As I said, its probably harsh, but you need to get the point across or else he'll just keep trying. I know the type.
Good luck with everything! Again, I strongly suggest not going if you don't even have a strand of interest.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 December 2011):
 You say you have not seen him in two years....
Imagine what could happen if you DO go on this "pity date" and learn that, in those two years, this guy has morphed in to a young gentleman who you can't or don't want to keep your eyes and hands off of!!!!!
Good luck.....
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A
female
reader, XOLoveOX  +, writes (29 December 2011):
Everyone deserves a chance so give him one, but if you feel that it won't work break it off, don't keep dating him if you still feel nothing otherwise if he really is in to you, you could hurt him. Hope this helps!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): If it is a pity date, do not go on it! There is absolutely nothing worse in life than someone leading you on by going on a date just because they pity you. I think the nicest thing you can do is be honest and tell him you don't want to go on the date, and let him move on to find a girl who will actually want to go on a date with him.Good Luck.
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