A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i am married but i want to be with my friend and he wants to be with me but i don't think it will lead to sex should i go out on a date with him or not? I mean i am not saying I don't want have sex with him I do but we are both a bit more mature than that or at least i hope so...help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2010): NO. never
simply
A
female
reader, chloeapple  +, writes (26 February 2010):
It sounds like you have little to no awareness of how your husband might feel about this. I'm sorry if i come out blunt, but its your happiness thats on the line here too. Do you think you've already opted out of your marriage?
I'm just trying to think how i would be feeling if i was considering going on a date with someone other than my husband. Thinking about it is one thing but considering putting yourself in a potentially adulterous situation may mean you have feelings about your marriage than you haven't quite thought through.
My advice is- if you have a little crush on someone other than your partner, (and it happens) but you are afraid you might act on it, then don't put yourself in the situation. Be brave, and talk to your husband or a friend about why you would even be considering having an affair. I mention your lack of awareness about your husbands feelings, because to me, it sounds like you don't really give a damn about hurting him in any way. Be brave- do the right thing by your husband's feelings before your own.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2010): If you have respect for your husband then the obvious answer is NO don't. If you don't have respect for him then i don't see why you are with him in the first place. Put yourself in your husbands' shoes, if he wanted to go on a date with another girl would you mind?
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (26 February 2010):
 If you are in an open relationship, then go ahead, and yes it is going to lead to sex...that is the point of a "date".
If you are in a monogamous relationship, then no. The first rule of monogamy is that you only have sex with one person. The second rule of monogamy is that you never do anything that would potentially threaten the first rule.
The time you are spending thinking and planning with your "friend" is time you need to be spending working on your relationship with your husband.
-Frank Kermit
Author, Making Monogamy Work
http://www.franktalks.com
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (26 February 2010):
 Where is your husband? Is he okay with the idea of yo udating someone else? I thought the whole point of getting married was to be with that one person and no one else. Am I missing something here? If you want to date this guy, then file for divorce and free yourself of your marital ties, then do as you wish. But do the right thing.
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns +, writes (26 February 2010):
Where is your husband? Is he okay with the idea of yo udating someone else? I thought the whole point of getting married was to be with that one person and no one else. Am I missing something here? If you want to date this guy, then file for divorce and free yourself of your marital ties, then do as you wish. But do the right thing.
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns +, writes (26 February 2010):
Where is your husband? Is he okay with the idea of yo udating someone else? I thought the whole point of getting married was to be with that one person and no one else. Am I missing something here? If you want to date this guy, then file for divorce and free yourself of your marital ties, then do as you wish. But do the right thing.
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A
male
reader, called Steve +, writes (26 February 2010):
 NO - its that simple really!!!
Steve
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 February 2010):
It will lead straight to sex. One way or another, you'll end up cheating. So make a decision. Either go home and work on your marriage, which clearly needs work. Or file for divorce and go out with this guy. But don't play both sides. Because when it happens, and you get found out, your reputation will be in a mess and you'll be the one who looks bad. Make your choice. On man other the other.
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A
female
reader, jc82 +, writes (25 February 2010):
 Its sounds like a risky, inappropriate situation that may lead to infidelity. Are you happy in your marriage? Maybe you should try to answer that question thoroughly before you wreck something that may only be slightly broken. Dating, and seriously wanting to date someone else when you are married is a sign that something is wrong. Also, if you truly like this other guy, becoming romantically involved with him while you are still married is a terrible foundation for a real relationship. On the other hand, if you are just bored and a little infatuated with your friend, you should really think about how much you love your husband and how horribly this would hurt him and how guilty you would feel. That might sober you up and help you stay away from this guy. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (25 February 2010):
 Dear anon,The thing to be focusing on is not whether or not you will have sex, but your marriage and that it is not a marriage. Rather, it is a potentially miserable coexistance between two people that are bound by tradition, rather than love. If a relationship does not have love, (especially at 26-29 years of age?), you are better off not regretting a decision for the rest of your life.File for separation and date the guy without worrying about preserving a relationship that is not worth preserving. If you want this man and he wants you.Do what feels right. Those that hold back end up with what falls into their lap, which is nothing. Those who are proactive and pursue what they want, end up making their life, and the life of their spouse (in this case) easier. It is hard to be honest in the moment of being honest, but you would be saving you and your husband a lot of anguish and heartache down the line.
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