A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I asked this question a bit ago, but I don't think I was clear enough in what I was saying, so I'm going to try again. I don't see this as a compliment, but probably half the people in my life have told me something along the lines of: "I like you because you're easy/You make it easy." They mean, I am always there to listen. I try to listen to what people want. Sometimes I go against what I wish to do and put myself on the line for someone that I am weary of, but usually I come through for them. I also come through of course for people I am not weary of. I don't often express my complex wants and wishes. I try to keep things simple. I don't pitch fits over not getting my way. I don't put up a fight unless it's life or death. I care so much sometimes, I find it's easier to just let it all go and be happy with whatever is going on in front of me. Or, conversely, I often naturally don't care at all. I feel neutral and relaxed about many things. This posed a problem with my last boyfriend, as he told me that the relationship was too difficult because I had made it too easy for him. Now that we are not together, he tells me he likes me for the same reason that used to frustrate him, that "I make everything easy." I have heard this compliment, this reason for 'liking me', so many times from different people and I can't actually think of it as a compliment or a true reason to like someone. It feels more like people take advantage of the fact that I don't make a big deal about a lot of stuff. It seems to me life is too short and sometimes chaotic that we're lucky to have any continuity and harmony at all. Is the key to being liked not for what I do, but who I am instead, rely on me forgetting what I understand and just start being a more difficult person even though I don't want to be that way? Is being liked because you 'make it easy' a bad thing? I think it is and whenever someone I know tells me this, I start to regard them as less of a true friend or lover. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (25 February 2010):
 As you said, you like life simple with no complications, your laid back, that's what you like and that is who you are. Why do you want to go and complicate your personality now, just so you can be like everyone else? Some people are difficult, some mean, some always happy, your just laid back, and there's nothing wrong with that. As you said, when it's important to you, you have no problems with standing your ground. One day you'll meet someone who appreciates these qualities or has the same personality themselves.
A
female
reader, jc82 +, writes (25 February 2010):
 I have dealt with the same thing. I actually even had a guy break up with me over it, too. I don't like causing unnecessary problems, or pushing to get my way. A lot of things that seem worthy of arguments to other people just aren't (or weren't) priorities for me. There are good and bad points to being this way. Firstly, I don't think its fair to punish others for appreciating the nice side effects of a personality like this, but if YOU don't like this about yourself, then it would be good to make an effort to change.For me, underneath this attitude was apathy. When you don't care enough to express your ideas/wishes to people, its like you don't care about them or about the relationship, and to an extent, I didn't. A positive side effect of this is that you seem like a very easy going person, who is supportive and peaceful to be around. The negative side is that other people don't really get to know you as well as they should. Part of how we know someone is knowing what they like and dislike. What makes them angry or sad or happy or enthusiastic. For a while in my life, I was too preoccupied with other thoughts and feelings to be able to be really "present" in my relationships. And so, because of that, I just coasted on knowing how to be kind. People appreciated my kindness, but didn't really get to know me.I had to get over a few things, and meet someone who knew how to push my buttons to change. Someone who just naturally brought those things out of me, like anger and disgust and happiness and playfulness, etc. Also, I needed to find someone who was truly curious about my feelings, and wanted to know and see my full range of emotion. It certainly isn't good to be petty, but being distant and detached is just as bad, although perhaps easier for other people to cope with. You need to find a happy medium of caring, and find people and situations that provoke you to care. Also, figure out why YOU are so "easy". Maybe there is something you are preoccupied with. Good luck on figuring it all out....
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