A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Need open and none judgemental advice people. I have a boyfriend and a gf. They both know about each other and they are both ok with the situation. The reason why I have two was I met them both within a week of each other and was "dating" like you do when single. So I dated both in that period and as it progressed both said they didn't mind if I dated the other one. Fast forward a year and a half later, all is fine.Nothing sexual has ever happened between us three but later the two of them have been suggesting we have a threesome. The idea actually turns me on a lot and I would love to experience it. But I have also read that threesomes ruin relationships and I'm actually quite happy with how things stand for now. I'm not quite sure what to do so I feel really conflicted!My gf lives in a different town not near to me. So when we do see each other sometimes I stay at hers or she stays at mine. My bf and I moved into our own apartment recently so she is talking about visiting me (us) soon which is likely they may bring up the three some. I have no idea what to do. I often think about when masturbating. Im really curious to try it. But then if I decide I don't want to and get too apprehensive, how can I even get out of it if they are both in the apartment? I mean I won't know how to explain not wanting to. I guess I'm just conflicted bout if to follow my fantasy or what some may call "common sense".Before anyone judges me, for the record nothing the situation is not hurting anyone. Both of them love me very much. I am aware that there may not be long term in this forever but I'm happy with how things are for now. I was also raised by two women (mum a lesbian) and I saw my father regularly. And I turned out ok and I have been raised to not believe relationships should only be standard society module.Thank you
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2015): Ms. Threesome:I sincerely hope that I am not too late in answering here and that you see my message. You have a very unique situation and it would be very interesting to know how you proceed.You are conflicted and that is telling you that you have a sense that something is not quite right, that a threesome might not be consistent with something that you believe I or want. You say that you have just moved in with your BF and he loves you very much. I think then the question boils down to “How much do you love your BF and how committed to him are you?” If the answer is that you love him and are very committed to him, then you would not want to do anything that would jeopardize your relationship with him – no matter how erotically tempting, no matter how much anyone tries to cajole you into doing it, and no matter how many times the others say that they will not change how they feel about you – you will just not take the risk. If two people are deeply committed to each other, neither of them will do anything that will jeopardize their relationship. Maybe old fashioned – but true. There would be nothing wrong with telling both of them that, if that is how you feel, and say to them, “Let’s just keep that as a wonderful fantasy, but we are just not going to go there.”On the other hand, it appears that all three of you are fantasizing about having a threesome – nothing unhealthy so far. Is there any way you could make it a zero-risk threesome? What if you could come up with some no-risk ground rules? What if you all went in the hot tub together, but that was it – no touching, nothing more? What if the ground rules were that he would make love to you, and she would make love to you, but the BF and GF were absolutely not to make love – not touch each other in any way whatsoever - only have the pleasure of seeing each other and watching the other make love to you? What if you made it very very clear that if they did touch each other that you would immediately end the threesome (and the visit)? Selfish? But it was their idea and that’s the only way you will agree to it. Perhaps all of you could justify this threesome to yourselves by saying that they are only taking their displays of their love for you to a higher level, beyond society’s normal mode. Eroticism is the purpose of a threesome, it would seem that purpose would be met.Best of luck.
A
female
reader, brownie girl  +, writes (12 September 2015):
 i has a threesome, and bad bad experience. I was ignored while my ex and her went at it and left me alone to watch..watch what ? They were both getting it on and getting it off and meanwhile i am sitting in the corner getting madder than hell with every single noise i heard them make..in the'.short' of things..they were done rather quickly...[it was pretty short with him anyway lol], however, i felt used although i didn't participate physically, sick to my stomach, as though i was kicked in the nut sac, bad mood, teary eyes, shaking...etc, so physically and mentally, it ruined things permanently between us. We were having marital discord, anyway, and splitsville was just looming around the corner. The woman, wasn't a friend of the ex's as when he first proposed this idea, that he worked with, she was actually a paid escort, that he , in turn, started his 'little' fling with shortly thereafter. So based upon my experiences, i suggest that no one knows any of the others, use condoms, its a 100% mutual one time fling unless agreed upon by all three again...if there is a fourth person, that probably would work out better, because three is definitely a crowd. No exchanging of phone numbers, etc unless agreed upon, use fake names if possible, as to hide one's identity, do this in a safe place, not your home if for a one time fling. My 'partner in crime' and i have discussed this matter as we are very open to experimental things, and he has expressed a desire to watch me be f^^^ed by another man, as in a voeuristically manner, but again the past experience, is always a constant in the back of my mind, as i care [love] him very much, and would never want 5 minutes of possible pleasure get in the way of what we do have, nor am i excited of the idea of watching him with another woman is a turn off. i am not 'into' women, so the girl on girl thing is not enticing to me. So bottom line, if you are willing to assume the risk of losing another, guilt, shame, then go for it. In theory, it sounds great, being pleasured by two at once only if it were that easy, unfortunately, anything that good, soon comes to an end. Be willing to give it all up, have no conscience, become numb and be into it totally for yourself, not for anyone else, and a game plan for you. if you have anyfeelings at all, not such a good idea.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (12 September 2015):
 Given that you find monogamy irrelevant and that you have structured your life such that polygamy is what satisfies you then why do you need anybody to approve of what you have already set for yourself and solicit from people here to acquiesce to your sets of behaviors with which you were "raised to not believe relationships should only be standard society module."?
Therefore, I think that you should have as many threesomes as possible, and not just short term with these two people whom you are juggling separately, irrespective of how much they mean to you or you to them.
The reason is that you should have a threesome is not just to blow off your fantasy steam but also to experience the outcome, firsthand, that such behavior has never, ever enriched anyone emotionally nor financially after they came off such sexual cauldron... because someone is always extra whenever a relationship is more than 2.
So unlike others here, I say: have a 3-some.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2015): Yes I agree with the others. Threesomes will just lead to pain & hurt & jealousy.
I have never had one - but came close when a guy I dated wanted a 3 some with me & my friend. We never went ahead but all of a sudden he lost interest in me & took an interest in my friend instead.
It's all about greed & self satisfaction. Nothing good ever comes of it - so just forget about it - unless you want months of anger & torturing yourself if it suddenly backfires on you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2015): There was an OP who had a threesome with his wife and another man, only recently on DC. He was very upset that his wife went off with the other guy, and allowed him to do things she wouldn't let him do. There seemed nothing we could say to calm him down, and his posts went on for days.
Well, the outcome for threesomes among established couples is pretty predictable. It's usually better in theory than practice. I'm all warn-out advising couples it's okay when you're getting your freak-on; but its the side-effects that people don't deal with very well.
Go ahead and learn for yourself. No matter what anecdotes you may hear from many claiming theirs went well. It's just a matter of time before they discover their mate found someone cuter, sexier, slimmer, sweeter, or out-right better than they are. Or, they may decide to make it a twosome, minus one, behind your back. You may even be the cheat to ruin what you have.
It boils down to tempting fate; and if you value your exclusive relationship, give it a lot of thought. You're going to do what you want anyway; I'm just here to help people. Not tell them what to do.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 September 2015):
 This bit of your submittal is the key: "But I have also read that threesomes ruin relationships...."
You have to decide if risking both relationships is worth the few minutes of carnal ecstasy that you might experience....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 September 2015):
 I have no way of offering life experience on this, other than to suggest you run the analysis.
First of all, is there some time element in this, does this need to happen soon for any reason?
What is the best thing that can happen if you don't have a threesome? Will you be able to deal with that outcome?
What is the worst thing that can happen if you do have a threesome? Will you be able to deal with that outcome?
What is the best thing that can happen if you do have a threesome? Will you be able to deal with that outcome?
What is the worst thing that can happen if you don't have a threesome? Will you be able to deal with that outcome?
Does your boyfriend have another boy or girlfriend he'd like to to explore a threesome scenario with? Would you be okay with that?
Does your girlfriend have another boy or girlfriend she'd like to explore a threesome scenario with?
You might research polyamorous relationships as it seems many start out in similar circumstances.
But if you continue to feel apprehensive about it, perhaps you need to spend more time exploring that feeling before considering actually trying it.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
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A
female
reader, chipmunk37 +, writes (11 September 2015):
 My suggestion would be to sit down with both of them together and tell them your fears, any concerns you have and let them voice theirs as well. It is very important you know whereevery one stands before you begin. Decide on a safe world that either you can say if you get uncomfortable and want to stop. A good idea is using the traffic light colours. Say red if you want every thing to stop, yellow if you want to continue but take things slower and green for full steam ahead. Start with petting to begin with, kissing, then gradually move up to getting naked building up to three way sex. It is one hell of an experience if you are really in to it but it can be as nerve racking as losing your virginity if it is your friends rest time.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (11 September 2015):
It's a great idea if you are not affected by....Jealousy, anger, resentment, insecurities, depression, and anything else that could cause a problem between the three of you.
If those things are out of the way, and none of you plan to be affect by emotions...have fun :))
But if you have even the slightest concern...well.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2015): Hmmm, i think the only problem u may have is that they both will probably pay moree attention to eachother than you as they are used to you.
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