A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend found out i was pregnant a month before i relocated to the states. He was happy and promised to take full responsibility and support me financially. I was scared and honestly didnt want to have a child until i was married and had some finincial security. Or atleast a job. Neither of us had that.My sister knew i was pregnant when she invited me to live with her..paying for my ticket and even convincing me not to carry any laggage..saying il get everything here. Fast forward two months, am homeless in a shelter. She couldn't stand having me pregnant and as she put it..eating her food and embarrassing her infront of her friends. My boyfriend kept promising to send money. At my lowest moment of frustration, after sending him a very scathing email, he sold my laptop i left him with to use for work, and sent me $100.Right now am 8 months pregnant..still homeless..in a foreign country. He has never sent me any more money. Says hes trying to look for a job. Says its so hard on him and hes tried everything. If he tries any harder he will end up in jail or dead. Hes not affectionate with his words. But says he prays for me and has encouraged me and generally stuck around when i was going through hell getting abused and kicked out by my sister. I just dont know if its right for me to feel cheated or tricked into keeping a baby with only promises of help and support. I honestly did not want to have a child. I know many will get mad at me for saying that but its the truth. I could have worked and i tried...walking to pple in the street with my resume and preg belly, applying online, walking into offices. Noone hired me. Am on public assistance getting just $100 a month. Am sorry for rumbling on. The question is, should i just be grateful for the help from the govt and the shelter? Should i not expect anything from my boyfriend since he insists hes trying? Should i just keep it all inside? I feel so betrayed. Even my family doesnt ask about me since they now believe am in his hands. Asking for help would end up in very nasty email exchanges..with him only making promises and pleading with me to keep the baby. Then it all goes back to the same thing...no support, not even loving messages. I dont know what to do or even how to feel. I cant giv the baby up now as i feel attached to him. But i dont want to raise him alone.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2015): I started to think about your situation as a reality and i could imagine a young girl (well anyone under thirty is still young as you start getting older) with her pregnant belly, just sitting in the shelte checking her phone for answers or notifications and i was drawn to answering you.You have every right to feel disillusioned because the people you relied on have let you down.The sister has been self centred and unsupportive.The boyfriend is inadequate.Yes he has sown the seeds of the child and begged for its life,but he has left you to deal with the practicalities alone.I think it is a bit too casual of him to be hot and cold emotionally to you by not making a proper effort to help you.Was it a genuine romance or are there any unusual factors in the events prior to the pregnancy?And then theres you,mum,who is feeling life is betraying her, and little baby who is snuggly snoozing in his little God made nest,nicely protected from traffic fumes and outside dangers by his wonderful mum who has given up slim waistlines and tightly fitted trousers and impractical shoes just so she can carry his little nest more safely.And finally there is his big birthday loooming on the horizon as an unknown and arbitrary date.You already feel for the child inside you and nature has done its wonders and you are rightly getting jittery.This is a good sign.Just dont try to work a wonderous miracle on your surroundings because this is going to be the beginning of a new time.Rest,walk,eat,shi,meditate and listen to music because littlun can enjoy music too from his nest.Now is the time to rely in yourself.Now is the time to contact every organisation under the sun that can help you and yours.There are a wealth of people out there just waiting to help someone like you.Baby clothes fly round like kisses,prams,buggies, cots and so on get passed around.Little coats, jackets,towels,hats ,scarfs ,booties and babygrows cluster the world looking for a baby to suit.Charities and womens groups have these things in abundance but what baby really needs is love and acceptance.You sound capable to me.Now is the time to gather together some after the birth clothes and maybe to think about schemes that offer the help of a baby mentor,normally older people who know what its like to feel ditched and alone.If you want any precedents for your situation you will find a very famous lady in a very famous book,commonly revered and honored by the world.Yes,Mary,christs mother was a single mum on a journey ,pretty much homeless at the time.It mustve been difficult sitting on that donkey with that fat belly but hopefully the donkey was slow and old and careful or you could imagine the disasters.She ended up holed up in some ol backroom of an inn with animals around,hardly the most sterile of places but she got through it.I guess you know the story.Judging from the clothes of that time i would say she probably was a muslim girl who feol for a jewish lad,a great great grandson of a fallen king but he had a few carpentry skills to help him earn a bob or two.But then again their little one was struggling for a welcome and there mustve been times when Mary wanted to give some of those miserable people a bit of her mind.So thers the history for you..if i could i would send you baby things but as thats a bit difficult from here i send you my thoughts and the knowledge that you are not alone in this and you can do it!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2015): For now, seek as much assistance as you can to get prenatal care, food, and shelter. It is unlikely anyone will hire you while you're pregnant. You confused me when you said you relocated to the states; then said you were 8 months pregnant in a foreign country. I would assume this to mean you are here on visa? Your sister lives in the United States, but you both are foreign-born? Apparently your culture frowns on unwed mothers, if your family doesn't do a thing to help you. They would leave you without shelter and food?
Without even saying so, I think your family relationship may have been strained or estranged before any of this happened. Families don't just leave you homeless for being pregnant; unless there wasn't much of a family connection to begin with. Is that the case as well? My guess is they're forcing you to give the child up for adoption. If you think you can find a way to stay safe and healthy throughout the pregnancy, and obtain enough assistance through social services to stay healthy, keep your baby if you wish. That choice is entirely yours! God will make a way.
I don't know about anyone else, but I don't see any reason anyone should kick you while you're down. You are in a dire situation and my heart goes out to you. If you are still in the states; you should receive assistance if you find yourself a church, mosque, or synagogue; that offers charity
and counseling. Mosques may not be as welcoming, considering your situation. Muslim rule is quite strict about unwed pregnancy and promiscuity. However; they are not unkind to people who need help. I will take a wild guess and assume you may be Islamic, or come from a very conservative Catholic background. Not everyone will turn their backs on a pregnant young woman looking for help.
I will definitely pray for you.
Your boyfriend may not be able to find a job instantly. He is scared and under pressure, but he of all people should be comforting and reassuring to you. Assume for the time being there is nothing you can expect of him. The pregnancy was unplanned, and guys always come across as noble and responsible upon the news; but they usually don't step-up.
You must not give up hope, or stop seeking help. You will survive this, and things will improve. He will eventually find work, but you may have to go it alone for a bit.
My prayers are with you. It will be a struggle, but don't lose contact with your family. Keep them aware of your circumstances, regardless of how they respond to it. Your mother will be the first to come to your rescue. It is usually the father who is behind the coldness. In many cultures, it is the father who heads the household; and hands down brutal law with no consideration for anything but appearances to the public. The girl or young woman is always blamed for getting pregnant and shaming the family.
Direct your communications to your mother. It will eventually reach her heart. Get to her, and things will change. Everyone has to absorb this.
God is with you always.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2015): Seek as many contacts as you can who are in the shelter, to provide proffessional help.Regarding the large belly and walking around and feelng like an eyesore and getting dissillusioned with peoples attitudes, you should know that many women experience that.Its all love and joy in photo shoots but the western world has rather strange attitudes to pregnant women whether they are in work or not.My friend went through the same and she was with her partner and in work and although the baby was nearly ready to tumble out ,no one on the bus would give up a seat for her.It is shameful that humanity is so mixed up about these things but we may as well remember that victorian women were expected to hide away for the entire course of their pregnancy.Also their husband could beat them with a stick no larger than the thickness of their thumb as much as they liked, so women have come a long way in about a hundred years.There is good help out there but you need to be very assertive about your right to be a mother and dont let others get in the way of that.I wish you a very successful pregncy and birth and i hope you get to meet the bettter souls out there.Avoid people who let you down and give you mixed messages as they can be very destructive in the long term and embrace your life and its new begginings.
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