A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:..I just recently got out of a relationship.. Where i was lied to multiple times, but ONLY cheated on once..with his ex..but never told me about it till i had legit proff.. but anyways I have found myself liking this guy from work, but can't seem to get over my ex.. and it doesn't help that my ex has contacted me trying to work stuff out.. Now my question is should i go back to my ex who i loved so dearly but was hurt by detrayl or start something new with someone who I find myself finding flaws in.. I even made a list, because i have been so stressed over this.. NEW GUY- PROS- Nice, doubt he would ever cheat on me, sincerly likes me, does alot for me..CONS- When he gets mad he gets mad.. very touchy touchy, obbsessive.. OLD GUY-PROS- I loved hanging out with him, very sweet, surprises me a lot, good family, fun, charming.. CONS- cheated on me once, made out with a bunch of girls when we broke up while of course i was balling my eyes out, semi Jealous, trust issues, Never took me out with his friends, liedSO DO I go for a guy who is overall perfect for me except some flaws, or i guy who i fell deeply in love with but cheated and hurt me? Will he ever change?
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male
reader, ulick  +, writes (10 March 2010):
 your old one sounds like a serial cheater. if you can swallow that then go back to him. If you have better morals then don't. I have been cheated on, but never cheated even if I travel for work a lot and have quite a few opportunities I do not let them happen or put myself in that situation. Its what you focus on in your life not what happens around you. Think what kind of partner you want and find it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010): Neither. The old guy needed to see evidence before he would admit to the cheating. Find a new guy with no anger issues who doesn't have so many flaws you don't like that you're unsure of him either. Be single for a bit, until a better one comes along. You don't need to settle for shit.
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A
female
reader, Hard_decision  +, writes (3 March 2010):
Hi there - I dont know if Im the best person to be giving advice in regards to your situation as I am in the same boat. I was lied to throughout my 3 yr relationship when my ex, emotionally cheated on thru emails and text messages to other girls he hadnt even met.. He ended up finally cheating on me and got the girl pregnant - he now has a daughter but still swears black & blue that he will get help and change and be the man I need. It doesnt help my progress of moving on because he knows I still love him deeply, but why should he get my loyal honest love when he couldnt even give me that in return? Ive hung out with other guys to try help get my mind off him but it doesnt work, and in the end I just want time out for myself and reflect on my life.. Im still trying to stay strong even though his promises are what I want to hear.. I just have to remember they are probably empty promises like the last 3 years.. stay strong and focus on you.. dont take him back and dont start something new until you are completely over your ex. Good luck xo
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010): Thanks that helped a lot! :)
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A
female
reader, Lexie88 +, writes (3 March 2010):
 You say your ex "cheated on me once, made out with a bunch of girls when we broke up while of course i was balling my eyes out, semi Jealous, trust issues, Never took me out with his friends, lied."
That's all you need to walk away from him. Once the trust is broken, I don't believe in second chances. If he knew to begin with how worth it you were he would not have done what he did. He might pretend that he's changed and will treat you well, but the fact that he's done it once would be enough for me to show him the door.
You might miss him, you might have feelings for him, but don't devalue yourself by going back to him. Time will pass and the chances of him going back to his old ways are very high. Do you want to be lied to and cheated on again? Or at the very least always live with that little thought in the back of your mind that he could do it again?
As for the new guy? It seems like you're looking for a rebound, a man to make you feel better about yourself and to make the hurt of your break-up easier to take. If you don't genuinely like the new guy, leave him alone. You'll only end up in a mess and hurt him.
What I think you need is time to yourself. Just because you have ended one relationship doesn't mean you should jump into another one. It seems that only a new man will make you forget the other one...and this is the easy way out...but not in the long run.
You should take time out to reflect on what has happened with your ex and what you have learned from the experience. I don't think it's always the best to jump from one relationship into another one...especially if you've been hurt and your mind is not in the right place.
Best of luck!
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