Should I give us a chance to be friends? Did he even cared about me?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships

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Question - (6 August 2009)

4 Answers - (Newest, 13 August 2009)

A female age 41-50, *azeena writes:

I've meet this guy about 10 years ago, we used to work with eachother. He's 11 years older than I am.

Few years back we started dating. Things were really good, until gradually he was start saying that age is a problem, and he feels that I would leave for someone else. If I talked about my friends which are guys I am cheating on him, but he talks about his friends (girl) it ok. One night I was at his place and he started telling that he believes I am cheating and he can't trust me, that I have a decieving smile. Then he kicked me out of his house. When I call him he doesn't asnswer his phone, but if he calls and I don't answer I am out with some other guy doing whatever.

Him and I have been on and off for 3-4 years. We've said "I Love you" to eachother, we had talked about a future, but it never happened. He doesn't want my mother (who he knows) that we were together, as he thinks he doesn't like him because I am Guyanese and he is Spanish. Finally one day he broke the ice to her, but 2 hours later he told her that I am cheating.

One night I went over the his place and we were have a great time, just having eachother as company...We looked at eachother and I smiled at him, and the rage came out of nowhere. He asked what I was hidding? that he see's the evil smile. He wants me to proof things to him by calling friends. He told me he hates the fact I have a car and a cell. That I should throw it away, quit my job and move in with him. When I asked him if he was crazy he throw me out again from his house, he told me if I don't get out of his face he might hurt me, and he lift his hand but never hit me. That same night he send me an e-mail saying "call me now, you might recongized her voice." Then the other was "I hope you die, you deseve everything you get, you F***ing pig." I've used to spend over 8hours with him, and most time I leave his place at 2 or 3 am, but he still believes right after his place I am going elsewhere. So he used to call me on my cell right after I drive off. We had called it quits for 2 years, but still kept intouch through emails. I tend to take all blame on myself as I really love him and hoping you would come back. I am the type of person that doesn't go out much, so to him when I go out with friends and don't answer my phone then something is up. According to the way he speaks I shouldn't go out, and I should dress up a lot.

We started talking about this year again. Once again he wants to play the proofing game, and he brings up the past. According him even if I am with him, he beleives there is someone else. This was finally on track and we were doing well for 4 days and all of a sudden, no communication. It's like he has splite personality. He finally emails and tells me that there was a girl that went of vacation and he wants to be with her that he feels he "has protential with, not like me." Then he calls and tell me sorry 2 weeks later, and that he loves me, and nothing was true. He just wanted a reaction out of me. So I let my feelings for him take control and we got back..July 26th 2009...he broke up with me as he feels that he can't trust me. I when he is with me this see's pure evil, and I not the angel that I was years back when he met me, I told him people grow and change but my heart never stopped loving him. He called me over 45x that day leaving messages "I hope you die...you pig." I hung the phone up on him and he said that I've never done anything like that before. Every emails is about me dieing, or death is too easy for me...Just last night he email saying "I don't want to lose you completely. "us" is finished,Although I know you don't give a shit, on any level. ( I KNOW THIS..). but I would like to have a distant friendship with you, if that's ok with you. I'm sure you can pretend to care, should I ever need your help or company. Phone calls are good enough. I'm being sincere. Anything I'll need from you, will have NOTHING to do with relationships or other girls. I'll also be here for you. For whatever you need. I know I told you that my next phone call would be to say goodbye. I wasn't lying then and I'm not now. Just bear with me as things take place around me."

I need peoples input as it has really hit me hard I was sick for 6 months over this. My mind is all over the place. I don't think we are meant to be at all, but somehow we get pulled back together. Sometimes I think he is holding on to me because know one else would accept him but me, and he knows I will always be there when in need.