A
female
age
36-40,
*har02
writes:I am 24 years old with 2 little girls, a 3 yr old and a 7 month old. I was with my boyfriend for 15 months, I got pregnant right away. During a routine ultrasound, it was discovered that our baby will be born with spina bifida. That's when the spine is portruding from the back. Doctors suggested I have an abortion and he thought I should too. Needless to say, I decided to give her a chance. She cannot walk but she is still a beautiful healthy baby. 2 days before I had her, I moved to another city to be with him. Less than 2 months after that, I found out he had/was cheating on me. It hurt like hell. We argued all the time, but I eventually forgave him. But then he joined this motorcycle gang and started spending all of his time with them. He just completely left me and my daughters. He considered my oldest his too. We'd started arguing about this now. He ha moved out of the apartment to move back in with his parents. For the last month, he's been leading me on somewhat, telling me he wants to be with me. Asking for money. We've had sex a few times. I was under the pretense that we were trying to work things out and be together, but he says he doesn't want to be with me now, but maybe in the future. I feel like he's just been using me and I'm stupid enough to let him. He doesn't even care about our handicapped daughter. He sees her once every 2 weeks an the funny thing is we live less than 15 minutes away from each other.
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female
reader, Char02 +, writes (14 August 2010):
Char02 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmb0000, no I am not with him anymore. I don't even speak to him. He refuses to be a part of our daughter's life so he's not worth it-at all! I've moved to another city, working full time and in school. I'm also doing it all by myself!! So all in all, I'm pretty happy!!
A
male
reader, mb0000  +, writes (14 August 2010):
so is this guy still in your life???
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female
reader, Char02 +, writes (10 August 2009):
Char02 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just want to say thanks again! I think I'm doing fine about everything. I think I'm over him. He just left here because I asked him to go to the store and get some Motrin for the baby. It's been one week since he's seen her, he didn't even sit down to hold her or anything. He touched her hand and said hi to her and that was it. He was out the door. I don't get him, but he's not my problem anymore. I feel good!!
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male
reader, lionelhutz +, writes (8 August 2009):
I can understand how hard it must be for you, particulary when you say he was your first true relationship. But don't think of yourself as a failure. You gave it your all and he was the one who couldn't handle it. He is the failure. I know it's easier said than done, but put him out of your mind and move forward. When you least expect it, you will find the happiness you deserve. I would add to what the other responders said. You are a wonderful mother for giving a chance to a special baby. I wish you all the best for you and your baby.Best of luck!
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female
reader, Char02 +, writes (8 August 2009):
Char02 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just want to say thank you guys so much for your responses. I'm sitting here crying because all that you're saying is true. I know it's true because I've told myself the exact same thing, what ALL of you have said. I'm going back to school at the end of the month, trying to get things together. Maybe it'll help me get over him and move on and focus on my family. I don't NEED to have man in the picture to have a family. I realize that. I mean my mom took care of me by herself and I think she did a pretty good job. I just had so much that he would work out. I'm black and he's white, which my mom did not approve of at first, but when I moved to be near him, she thought me and him would work out and she was happy we were gonna get married. At times, I feel like a failure. He was my first true, real relationship and I thought we were going all the way. It's just hard.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009): It is truly commendable what you have done for you child with special needs and for your other child. Mothers are so strong for their kids. I feel your pain in being a single mom with a child that needs you constantly. OTOH, your husband needs to have a growth spurt soon or he'll find himself high-and-dry when you resolve to leave him since his behavior and character shown him to be a rather dull knife.He needs to get some cohones and accept his responsibility for his family. I think he is way over his head and is too immature to deal with all the responsibilities of fatherhood, so much so that that he has resolved to turn back time and become a child-join a gang and live with his parents.How do you make an immature man grow up though? One answer is that his parents force him to become the father to his kids, so you need to talk to them to get them on your side or possibly to tell you that their son is beyond hope. With some people only time will tell as it will eventually dawn on them what they have and what it is they will lose forever if they don't assume their role.
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male
reader, lionelhutz +, writes (6 August 2009):
You obviously saw something in him that maybe no one else saw. There's nothing wrong with that. We all have to follow our heart sometimes, even if our head is telling us otherwise. But from what you say nothing about him sounds like a mature man. My sister went out with someone like that. Took her 4 years to realize the loser he was. Move on as best you can. All the best!
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (6 August 2009):
He's immature and a loser. He's so tough that he's in a biker gang, but he lives at home with mommy and daddy and isn't man enough to help take care of his child? I'm sorry, but that's laughable. Honey, he's a straight up loser. Yes, he's using you. He asks you for money? Isn't he supposed to be paying child support or something?!
As with any relationship, the only way to get over someone is no contact, which is hard in your case since you two have a child together. You need to put what your heart feels aside and follow your brain. You know that he's not good to you and he's probably never going to be. Don't do him any favors; sexually or giving him money. If you talk to him, keep it strictly about visits or whatever business you two need to conduct. Don't let your emotions consume you. It takes time, but you'll eventually realize that you're happier on your own than with him coming and going as he pleases and tugging at your heart strings. Be strong and follow through with what you know is right, which is getting him out of your life relationship-wise.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009): I think you are a wonderful human being! To give that little girl a chance at life and knowing that even though she will have many obstacles ahead...you are willing to help her through that...is just remarkable.Your boyfriend sounds like a deadbeat. You can do so much better than him. He is a cheater/liar, he's hardly ever around...everything you don't need!!! I don't think he is one you can count on...and by the way you say he acts I think he is causing you more grief and stress than you need! I think you are better off alone than with him. At least on your own you can focus on your family of 3--you and your 2 little girls.If he shapens up then great. If he does want to be involved with his kids then let him, but don't count on him suddenly turning responsible, chances are he will blow you off again.Good luck
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