A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have have asked for advice before here and wanted to come back a year later to ask maybe what I am doing wrong. I am a woman in my early 30s that has given up on love. I have only been with three men and two had a relationship with. Through therapy (intensive) I have realized both men were either verbally abusive or emotionally not available -(never paid attention to me) anyways I have tried to get over the last one but it seems that a part of my heart has given up to. I have become hardened. I gave everything to these men and they stepped on me. I consider myself a genuine girl; i try my hardest to open my arms out to men and give them a chance and they use me. It feels like there isn't any authentic men out there. I've tried the websites and I've tried anything and everybtjng. I feel this loniloness and dissapointment. I no longer view the man as an escape; I've been hit with reality and it feels robotic; it's feels lonely; it's feels empty. I thought there might be a genuine person out there but there isn't and if there isn't what's the point? I feel like a relationship always having to watch your back is sad. Should I give up on love ?Any advice Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (2 August 2017):
Your problem is the following:"i try my hardest to open my arms out to men and give them a chance and they use me."You don't need to try the hardest. Just be yourself, and learn to set healthy limits and boundaries. You also don't need to give them every chance: you need to protect yourself and be weary of all the jerks out there. So give chances within reason."I no longer view the man as an escape; I've been hit with reality and it feels robotic; it's feels lonely; it's feels empty. I thought there might be a genuine person out there but there isn't and if there isn't what's the point?"The human race was designed to live in society, and live with company. Our modern times and expectations have changed the dynamics of every relationship.You need to learn love yourself and learn to live alone. When you feel confident being by yourself, you are going to attract the right kind of guy.There are many, many jerks out there, and you have happened to stumble on 3 of them. There are good men out there, you can find many of them if you get out of your comfort zone.
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (30 January 2017):
What are you looking for? Sounds like you are looking for anything.
You have to have a plan. What kind of man you are look for and live your life accordingly.
If you are look for any kind of man...trust me...very easy.
If you look for a man with something between his a ears beside "duh", a job, and a plan in life....then that is the man you set your sites on, and stick to that kind of man only. Do not be like a cat that chases anything that moves.
See how he treats his parents. That will give you a good indication on how he will treat you. No sex before 3 months.
If you don't know what your want, then life will give you nothing.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (29 January 2017):
 It hasn't been a year, OP. I remember seeing posts from you more recently than that. I know it will feel like that long for you, but it wasn't quite that long.
Please listen to the advice given for fulfilling your own life before looking for a man:
- change jobs, if you're unhappy with the one you have
- volunteer once a week or more often
- go swimming or to the gym
You need to enrich your life, OP, and you can keep posting, but it won't get better if you ignore the advice.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (29 January 2017):
 I have answered on your other question but just to add that I think you need to step back and have some ME time for a little while. You do NOT need a man at your side to be happy. Learn to be happy on your own and the right man will find his way to this newly happy lady. There are some awful people out there, and many will use and abuse others. However, they can only do this if YOU allow them to do it. we can all make mistakes the pick "wrong ones". The trick is not to perpetuate that mistake and hang in there, either hoping they will change or that YOU will change them, because that seldom happens. As soon as you realize someone has qualities you don't like, or treats you badly, GET OUT of the relationship and don't allow the behaviour to continue.Keep telling yourself: I have control over my life and I am not anyone's punch bag/door mat. Have self respect and demand respect from others.
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A
male
reader, Roboaxe +, writes (29 January 2017):
 I've been there too, just from the opposite side of the fence. My first girlfriend (who happened to be my first kiss and first sexual partner), cheated on me after being 2 years together when I was away during summer vacation. My second girlfriend broke up with me over the phone for no specific reason at allAnd every subsequent relationship I've had with another woman also has ended poorly. Sometimes I also wonder if I will every find anybody. The thing is to not resign yourself to think about all the negative things. Think about the positives instead. The positive thing here is that you luckily didn't marry any of those guys, have kids with any of them, and you are free to find someone who will love you for who you are. Speaking as a man, we will often say anything to be able to sleep with a woman. And this even includes lying about how we truly feel. We can be very deceptive and manipulative. But not all men are like that, and I promise you you can tell when you're with one. Don't take shit from them at this point. if they are being coy, or rude, or bipolar, cut them out of your life. Try looking in different places for them too. Different bar, different app, maybe a friend of a friend.And speaking from personal experience, don't open up emotionally too much in the beginning. It's best to keep your guard up initially so a guy doesn't feel he can walk all over you because you're infatuated with him. Play it cool and then, later on, open up. All in all, don't give up!
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