A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone - would appreciate your thoughts! Basically just over a month ago my ex boyfriend was having doubts about our relationship as he was really unhappy and didn't know if it was us or something else that made him feel unhappy. He even doubted whether he still loved me or not. Anyway, as he was being so indecisive and wouldn't break up with me as he wasn't sure if that would be a mistake I got tired of being messed around and broke up with him. Once we broke up we tried to stay friends (as we were best friends for a long time before we got together) but he still continued to be indecisive about me. Eventually we decided we couldn't talk and things ended on a bad note with him saying that all he knew was he couldn't be bothered to make an effort to be in a relationship and the longer he was with me (10 months) the more miserable he felt.So I began to move on and even went on a couple of dates with someone else but the new guy just made me realise how much I missed my ex, how much I love him and what a great spark we had. Then out of the blue my ex contacted me and told me how much he misses me and that he's realised that although he thought he'd be happier single he now knows that all the things he thought he wanted to do without me that I'm the only person he wants to do them with. He says he realises what a huge mistake he's made and that he treated me terribly and now wants me back and promises he'll be the boyfriend I deserved. I told him it wouldn't be that simple and he would have to prove it to me before I consider getting back together with him as I'm not sure I can trust that he won't just decide he won't just have doubts again.So do you think I should believe him and give him another chance or do you think he'll just repeat this behaviour so I should just move on?
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female
reader, kylieekristina  +, writes (23 May 2011):
 Give him another chance....u miss him too. It won't hurt as bad if he acts like an idiot again, you'll know you at least tried, or you'll end up living happily ever after. It's a win win. You will constantly compare him to the next guy and wonder "what if" if you don't soooo JUST DO IT
A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (22 May 2011):
Based on what you said, I think you should give him another chance.
Sometimes its a case of not realising what you've got until you've lost it.
It sounds like he reached a cross-roads and didn't know what he wanted and took a wrong turn and now realises that.
If you give him another chance, it's his opportunity to show you he knows what he wants.
If history ends up repeating itself then he had his chance and he blew it.
But I think in this case, it's better to give him another chance than wonder 'what if'?
It's not a case of he treated you like absolute dirt, cheated on you, verbally or physically abused you etc so go for it and see what happens.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 May 2011):
 Sometimes it takes a break up to realize what you are losing. I've had boyfriends done this to me before and I swear this has got to be the biggest sin they are doing. As he makes the promise to be with you also tell him to write an article here about how to ask for space in a gentler way, and how to go to the next stage of relationship without drama. And maybe one of you can write another article on how to remove fear from entering a relationship. Don't dump all the responsibilities on him. Maybe you had said something to him (which you are not aware of) to make him feel scared of commitment. When he feels like you are on his side, that you would work things together instead of making him the bad guy, he will more be likely to commit to you. It's true it's not that simple. Understand his reasons for pulling away and also make him understand how hurtful you felt when he does. It's unlikely that he would continue previous behavior. It's a huge commitment to give to a woman. So he had to weigh out the pros and cons before the next step. Sometimes unfortunately men get stuck in the con part. Be happy that now he made a good decision. Be sure to tell him what you want in the relationship, that you are not in this to trap him or to take value, freedom from him. You are in this to add happiness to each other.
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