A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for nearly a year and living together a few months now. Start of our relationship was great however I asked too many qn's about his past and ex girlfriends and I found out that there was one girl In particular that hurt him a lot. They broke up two and a half years ago. And he hasn't seen her since. Thing is I'm insecure, have trust issues and a bit controlling (iv started seeing a therapist for this because now I suffer from anxiety too). I had started bringing up his ex constantly and keeping her fresh in his mind. So he has started looking at her profile all the time on Facebook. We had a big fight about it and he told me that the child she had (not his) had been like a son to him and effectively he had lost a child when they broke up. He said he was so happy with me and now he has to relive his breakup with her again because of my constant pushing and bringing her up in conversation!I don't mind him looking up his exes occasionally - I understand human interest. I'm afraid that by bringing up his ex I have brought up his old feelings for her and now he must get over her and her son again. I am making a conscious effort not to bring her up now and concentrating on being happy myself, but its hard to change over night and I'm insecure still of course. Do I give him the benefit of the doubt and some time to refind his happiness with me again? He has told me that he needs to get through this in his own way... By the way, he never really brings up his exes at all and hasn't given me a reason not to trust him except that he knows I'm a jealous girl so sometimes tells white lies to keep the peace with regards to when I ask him if he is stalking his ex. (I know snooping is wrong and I'm working on this in therapy too!)He is a loving and sweet guy (in his own peculiar ways!) I want us to be happy again but I don't want to come second! What should I do?
View related questions:
broke up, ex girlfriend, facebook, his ex, insecure, jealous, stalking Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2013): Thanks for your advice! I'm just so paranoid! :-(
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (21 June 2013):
 Hi
Stop making him look back, instead look forwards together.
Continue with your therapy and if you feel your going to get paranoid about one of his ex's, count to ten.
You have moved in together pretty fast, before you knew each other that well, so your both on a learning curve about each other and as you live together it means your lives are more intertwined.
He is with you now, the others are his past.
...............................
A
female
reader, Mariab +, writes (20 June 2013):
 You are both in love and together... and if you want to keep it that way...take all the energy you're putting into snooping and being jealous and pump that into loving and caring for your man! The past is the past and it belongs there... You can't beat yourself up over the fact that he had a life before you. You must find a way to work on your insecurities and not make him a part of your internal problem. If you are first, second or tenth to him.. you will never know unless he tells you... and no amount of jealousy will get you into his head. So relax and focus on what you have...before you don't have it anymore! Good luck xx
...............................
|
