A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear all,I'm 26 yrs old and I'm an introvert. I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months and within this short period he's showed me acts of violence 4 times already! It include: spitting, strangling, hitting, pushing and all the worst parts you can imagine. Not to mention the mental abuse with his words and jealousy. He is needy and clingy.I know I'm not the easiest girl to handle.. Far from that. I might have a tendency to mental abuse him as well and I do cross lines when I'm angry to be honest. Sometimes he cries. I defend myself when he hurts me and he has a scar on his face because I scratched him when he was strangling me. I feel very bad about this because I never want to hurt a living being, but that time I had to. I was never like this. I come from a very difficult childhood and my parents used to abuse me physically and mentally. I was sexually harassed by a family member. I was later raised by foster parents...So, what makes me doubt about all of this, is because he is very patient with me sometimes. He would almost do anything I want. We have common interests and we can have the best time ever, if we're not fighting. I can see his efforts. I don't make effort for him, because im not over his abuse. Sometimes I pay his dinner. We work in the same industry. We shared a lot of times together.But his abuse it getting from bad to worse. I told him next time you touch me I will scratch your eyes out and report you the police. I already noted the police. But I didn't file an official report on him.He is now going to therapy for anger management out of his free will and wants to change his ways because he never knew he could be like this and doesn't want to be this person.I personally don't support him. I believe that it's in his nature and no shrink can undo that. All they do is hide it and one day it will come out again. But I might be wrong.He wants me to give him a chance... AGAIN! This morning, he send me a sweet voice note.. saying he is sorry and sang a song. I told him that he did that before and it's getting boring.Should I give this guy a chance? I'm afraid he will hurt me again. But he won't if I don't get angry so often right?I'm not in the state of mind to think of make conclusions. Please help!Thank you very much for your help!...
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jealous, period, violent Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2011): I honestly Don't get why u keep giving him excuses to hit u. Everybody in the world has a temper doesn't mean we deserve to get hit. Honestly I think people can change only if they know when to grow up. But this is just the beggining for this guy I think he has along way to go. I was in a abusive relationship for 3 yrs w/a man w/the same temper but my abuse didn't even start until 1yr into the relationship. He never felt bad for what he did unless I left him I used to feel worst for him just because he would cry witch was allllll bullshit. U should only feel bad for yourself and take care of yourself don't put anybodys feeling before yours. U deserve to be #1 in your own life especialy w/what u went through your whole life. Screw the abusive boyfriend find u a man who adores u and will kill any other man for even thinking about laying a hand on u. That is why a girl needs a man so we could feel protected not abused. I am now married to a new wonderful man that has never layed a finger on me in a wrong way. I wish I never had put myself through that time w/my ex. Good luck! And lov yourself!!
A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (3 May 2011):
 Ok, I don't think this guy sounds right for you, so no, I don't think you should get back - for either of your sake's.
But from what you yourself say about your own behaviour and issues, I think you maybe ought to think about working on all of that before you get into another relationship. No, he absolutely shouldn't ever have raised a hand to you, but by your own admission you are abusive in some ways yourself, and you will therefore either hurt, or provoke, or both, whoever you are with. It sounds like you need to heal before you are ready to be with someone.
But no, not this guy. He can't handle you. You also bring something out in him that he can't handle in himself. That is dangerous.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks all for your help! I really appreciate it.. I know you're right. I'm very angry and hurt. But I still miss him and perhaps the therapy can make him change? I don't know..
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A
female
reader, KeighleySky +, writes (3 May 2011):
 No i dont think you should give him another chance, this man tried to kill you!!!!!! he actually attempted to KILL you.i think you should leave him and before you get into any other kind of relationship i think you should go and see a counsellor about your past, things like that just dont go away. he is dangerous, you need to get yourself away from him as fast as you can, i appreciate hes trying to make himself better but when a person tries to kill you, you do not ever forgive them.and your allowed to lose your temper, but you are not allowed to hit another person, it is just wrong, no matter how angry you are.
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A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (3 May 2011):
 God no, do not give him another chance. Seek some therapy for yourself as well. You need to stay away from this man. His abuse will not go away.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2011): Um no. No second chances! He's an ex for a reason. Run away far away
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