A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'll try and keep this short.. I'd really appreciate some other peoples opinions on this, especially guys. My last relationship ended in Jan this year - we were together 2 years and engaged, it was a messy break up and I got hurt pretty bad. My friend set me up on a date with her friend, he's 11 years older than me and has been hurt himself - his girlfriend (then fiance) left him and he had a breakdown/attempted suicide in 2001 because of it, he really wants to settle down and have a family as do I, but hasn't had a serious relationship since then.So, we went on the date, had fun and got on really well. We've been dating for about 9-10 weeks now, but as he works away for 5 days at a time quite often we only seem to spend time together in the evenings, at his place (I don't drive and am staying at my mums house so it's easier) after 9pm and I always end up leaving the next morning because he works so much.Now things are quite distant and he went away to work on sunday lunchtime and has text me once since then on Tuesday night. I text him back on Wednesday and that's been it.... I'm guessing he's back tonight for the weekend.I can't carry on like this as I feel used for obvious reasons and after my ex my self esteem can't take it. My question is, do you think he is just plain using me, or that because of what he's been through he's scared of getting too involved? Basically, am I being a total fool for this guy or should I give him time and just back off myself? Lost cause? Thanks!! :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, firstly thanks to the two ladies that have replied already.. Secondly, here's an update -
He text me a couple of hours ago with a picture of his - crashed - car, he had a bit of an accident and has written off his car and broken two ribs. He said I obviously hadn't gotten his texts as I hadn't replied... Hmmm.
I understand that he is clearly wary about getting into another relationship - Hence my wanting the opinion of a guy or two on this situation. I just don't know whether I should give him any more time, will it really change anything?
Oh, and the age thing is no issue, I wouldn't want to date someone under thirty-five.
Thanks all! :)
A
female
reader, gretchen  +, writes (4 July 2008):
 There could be a reason why he hasn't had a serious relationship since his fiance left him seven years ago - because he's still not 'over it'. His work sounds like a real obstacle in letting you get to know him better and it doesn't sound like he's making much of an effort to contact you or encourage you to visit him. Perhaps he is immersing himself in his work to avoid having to confront that he doesn't want or isn't ready for a long relationship yet?
I would suggest to you as well that you get up and move on - dating in this period of your life should be fun and easy going and this relationship is just putting pressure on you and isn't going to get any better by the sounds of things. Go out and find other people to date casually until you know you're ready to move on with your life - the best thing for you and the best thing for him as well.
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A
female
reader, juturna  +, writes (4 July 2008):
I think you can never really know what a man is thinking. This case, it seems that he is only using you as a convienience. You could find someone who is closer to your age and who is near you. Someone who isn't always gone.
I think it's a lost cause.
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