A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello,guys,I'm a Chinese girl.I'm wonering what's the clue that a western boy wanna go to bed with a girl.I have a friend and he's enlish.He wanted to invite me to watch a film in his own apartment.Before that we are only common friends and we talk about study,politics,literature,etc.So was it a hint that he want something special???(i hope not coz i don't wanna spoil our pure friendship.)And what is i went to his house and he shaved in front of me ,was it another hint to make something special???Help me out,there must be some culture shocks.I really wanna get your opinions.thanks!! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (4 July 2008):
 I think he's interested in you and he's trying to develop the relationship into something more, possibly sexual. Shaving in front of you may sound slobbish for a Chinese, but not necessarily for a Westerner.
I'm wondering what your feelings are.
Do you want to have sex with him?
Do you want him to be your boyfriend?
Do you just want to be friends?
If you are happy just having sex, go ahead! It's very possible that he will try and do something with you.
If you want him as a boyfriend, please don't make the mistake of being too "easy" for him. A lot of Western men in China play around with Chinese girls. They are curious about Chinese girls and would like to try one. A lot think that Chinese girls are easy. So if he does have sex with you, don't expect him to be a boyfriend or to marry you. He may be a boyfriend for a while, yes, but he may then just move on (find another girl, move back to his own country). So be careful not to get your heart broken.
If you just want to be a friend, DON'T let him do anything like kissing, touching or anything else.
The other aunts are possibly not aware of how many Western men in China are playing around with local girls. This is not always bad, for instance, if the girl just wants to play around too, but often the girl gets hurt when she finds that she was just another sexual adventure for the guy.
My only advice is to watch how things progress and be careful.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (4 July 2008):
 Same things as a Chinese boy.
The shaving? Well if it was dry, it probably just means he forgot to do it before you arrived and suddenly thought of it. Since it is well known that women prefer a man to be shaved it means he at least cares a bit about your opinion of him as a woman BUT not enough to have prepared before you arrived.
Either he is a slob or he just is interested in sex in the general way all males are interested in sex with anything that hasn't decayed too far.
If you are not interested cool the relationship of a little to make it clear you only want friendship.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (4 July 2008):
 Hi,
what a fascinating question.
Look don't worry too much about this. If he is a nice guy he may drop a few hints or even attempt a bit of light touching ( like an arm around you or a touch of the shoulder ). But it is easy to just tell him that you think of him as a friend and that's all. He may get hurt, but he'll get over it, really it is no big deal "in the west".
And there is a good possibility that he just wants to be friends ( o.k quiet down there at the back! this does happen alright!) especially if you share the same courses at University.
I had female friends at Uni and we had a blast , so its not that uncommon.
Then of course you never know, you may find yourself attracted to him as well. In the west there is very little stigma attached amongst intelligent people to cross cultural relationships. I am in one myself! Try not to think of yourself as West versus East, think of yourselves as human beings with feelings who have unique qualities to bring to a relationship.
good luck.
p.s. In some cultures inviting a man up to your household is almost the same as inviting them for sex, please note that this is not the case in "western culture" despite what some men may think. If anything ever happens to you report it to your University counsellor and the police.
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A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker  +, writes (4 July 2008):
 Most western boys want to go to bed with a girl. Any girl. Although that doesn't mean they (we!) are all going to try to do it with any girl that happens to be around.
Friendship is important. Even if he does show signs he wants to go to bed with you, it doesn't have to spoil your friendship. If he asks, or starts touching or putting his arm round you, tell him it's a big compliment that he wants to, but tell him you don't do that. Tell him that being friends is good, he is a very special friend and you like him very much. Make sure he understands that's all you want. Sure he may be disappointed, but if you can do that then you should be able to keep his friendship and he will understand that sex with you is not going to happen.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): Nihao! I would say that he has more on his mind than just watching films. Sounds a bit too cosy. As for shaving in front of you, that's just plain weird!It is up to you to refuse his invitation, saying that you value your friendship as it is and do not wish to be any more than just good friends. I am sure he will appreciate your honesty.By the way, I personally find Chinese girls so enigmatic - rarely saying what they really feel. I don't know if this is general among all Chinese ladies but being upfront and honest can avoid any misunderstanding later.Good luck, saijian!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): Well frankly that whole story is pretty funny. Usually the western boys around here...if they want to have sex, they will just start being touchy feely. if this guy touches you a lot then you may want to tell him that you aren't interested and he'll back off.
yeah the culture shock will only get worse, america has some very strange people.
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