A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so, I'm still a virgin because I would like to lose it to someone who really matters to me, but with my current boyfriend (who I just started dating), well, he's not a virgin, and he's able to find soo many of my "turn-on" spots. He's also able to tell just how turned on I really am and when. Since he somehow knows exactly what I like, he's able to turn me on sooo much! I want to have sex with him, but I don't at the same time. I do because, well, he turns me on incredibly lol but I don't because I'm extremely self-concious about my body, and I'm scared of getting pregnant. People say I shouldn't be self-concious because I'm 5'4", 115 pounds, and I always get called "gorgeous" or "beautiful" or anything like that, but for some reason I still am... I just don't see what others see. Anyways, my question is, what should I do? I want to wait, but it's extremely hard!! He knows I'm a virgin, and he knows I want to lose it to the right person, but he also knows how badly I want him, and I know how badly he wants me, which is what makes it so hard! Also, any tips for boosting self-confidence about my body and appearance? (and please don't mention anything about my age. I know I'm young, but that doesn't make it any different. I should get props for staying a virgin this long lol, unlike every other person I know, including people younger than me!)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): Go for it girl - I think you are having second doubts... its natural. If he turns you on, go for it! Seems like someone who can give you orgasm... its all good.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): I'm twice your age and still a virgin by choice. Now THAT is waiting. Refuse to be consumed, just build up your grit and say NO. No other secret.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2010): You want to loose it to someone who really matters to you, so the million dollar question is does this guy really matter to you?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2010): I think the previous posters have given good advice. In my ideal world, everyone would wait until marriage to have sex. Then you know that you are in a loving relationship with someone you really care about and someone who really cares about you (mind you, there are exceptions, i.e. abusive relationships, etc.). My ex wanted to have sex with me so bad, but I told him that I wanted to wait until I am married and give my virginity away to someone I know will stay with me forever. I am 19, and still a virgin. In the end, I eventually broke up with my boyfriend because he pressured me so much and did not understand/respect my decision. I ended up breaking up with him, and I am glad that I did not give up my virginity (something you can only give once) to someone I didn't stay with. If your boyfriend repeatedly asks you for sex (make it clear to him if you are unsure or don't feel ready), then he is not respecting your wishes. It is important to find someone who shares your same views on sex as well as life. Best of luck to you, and I'll keep you in my prayers!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2010): I really hope he's not pressuring you. I just went through a similar dilema with my long term boyfriend whom I deeply love.
I decided to wait because I spent time asking questions on sites like this and searching for stories of people who lost their virginity and it went well. I decided not to sleep with because honestly whilst my hormones and my body want him sooooooooooooo bad, my emotions wouldn't be able to cope with it.
I'm also very scared of getting an STD or pregnant. Not a conversation I want to have with my Mom!
However should you decide you are ready (which I don't think you are, friends of mine have told me you will be 100% sure when you are ready and you will KNOW) do some research about contraceptives. Go and get tested (him esp) and get the HPV vaccine (HPV can cause cancer and gross warts, it can also jump condoms) as well as know what your plan will be if you do get pregnant.
If he won't wait for you, he's definitely not the right guy, but just because he will wait for you doesn't make him the right guy either.
Good luck with your decision and remain true to yourself always :)
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A
female
reader, Duckyhelp  +, writes (15 August 2010):
 If you are unsure about it, dont do it. You will end up regreting it.Tell your boyfriend you want to wait and you will tell him when you are ready. I suggest going out with him for like a year first, yes its a long time, but then you know its the right person. You can do foreplay, but not go the whole way. That way you are both satisfied. Inless you dont want that either? You just need to make it clear to your bf, and if he keeps pushing you, tell him to be respectful and that you want it to be special.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (15 August 2010):
 Well, congratulations for being able to stay a virgin for this long. You really have my respect for keeping it for the right person.
Self-consciousness is a normal thing. I used to think myself really ugly, then something happened (not willing to say what) but it was a huge ego boost and I just stopped looking at myself in the mirror with disgust. Whatever it is you don't like about yourself, just look yourself in the eye and tell yourself that it's no big deal and you still look damn good! Try find something that makes you feel sexy (This boyfriend of yours should be able to do that if he does the right stuff). I noticed you were very detailed in your description of yourself which leads me to believe that you often look at yourself to find something to criticize (I'm probably wrong, it's just that I know some people who do that). Honestly, you don't need to see what other people see. Look for something else to admire about yourself. Your clearly a very humbled person if your that self-conscious, that's admirable because it means you're not some stuck-up snob! :)
About the whole giving him your virginity...if you aren't sure about doing it, it's probably best not to do it. Wait a little longer until you are sure that you are ready for it. Make sure he's the right guy, you said you just started dating him, it's best to wait a little longer.
I hope that helps.
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