A
male
age
26-29,
*bjectivist Thinker
writes:Hi, and thanks for help in advance. Forgive me if this sounds way too cliche. Well, there's a girl I started to like Saturday. At first I thought it was one of those things where it passes in a day. But, when I woke up Sunday morning, she was all I could think about. It continues to today. I was originally just going to walk up to her and start talking to her, but I felt I couldn't do that b/c I feel like I'll vomit whenever I see her.So, I decided to write a note to her. I was planning on giving it to her today, but whenever I see her I get really nervous and feel like I can't, then kick myself afterwards. I was going to have one of my friends do it, but he backed out.And now, the main problem. I'm somewhat paranoid. I think if I give it to her, (it simply says "meet me by locker 306 at 2:20) that she'll freak out and tell a teacher or the principal and I'll get in trouble. Some people have said I wouldn't and others said I would. I understand love is part of the risk of this, but I'm just so scared about it. Help please! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Objectivist Thinker +, writes (3 May 2009):
Objectivist Thinker is verified as being by the original poster of the questionActually, some of her friends hate me, (I say random things around large groups of people, and it annoys them) and wouldn't it look like I was in love with them instead of her if I was talking to them?
A
male
reader, Undisclosed  +, writes (2 May 2009):
 Thanks for writing back.
It sounds like you're interested in this girl and want to make an effort to see where things go. Crushes are a lot of fun. Life is good. You're lucky that someone has peaked your interest and stolen your attention away from the mundane routine of classes. It does make the days more interesting, doesn't it?
If you see popularity as obstacle, keep in that the MAJORITY of people in highschool are not part of the popular crowd but everyone's got tunnel vision so it is hard to see that.
You don't need everyone to like you. You don't need the majority of your school to like you. You just want ONE person to like you, and one person at a time.
Pick one person, he or she may already be your friend, and talk to them. Next, find someone both you and your friend know and build a friendship with that person. Once you befriend them, find out which of their friends you'd like to befriend and take it from there... Making friends, by the way, is quite simple because everyone is so self-engrossed and worried about their own lives. Just show interest in their lives, ask questions about their hobbies and listen, listen, listen.
Take a piece of paper and map out the people in your class. Connect yourself with lines to the people you're close to. Next connect her to the people she's close to. Now find out what the "easiest" connection between someone you know and someone she knows is. The "easiest" is comprised of people that are friendly, open and easy to talk to.
You may not even like her group of friends but there will be one (just one) person among them that will be the easiest to talk to relative to the others. Map out the "easiest" route, then the second "easiest" route (in case you hit a speedbump) then the third and go at it!
You'll find that connections in highschool are organised into airtight groups. Your group of friends may not hang out with people outside their usual crowd. You need to make an effort to befriend someone outside your group as you work your way towards the girl you like (one person at a time). Once you pierce into a different groups bubble suddenly everyone in the group will warm to you and you kind of sweep them all up in one go. The disadvantage (the fact that these bubbles are a little harder to pierce through) is more than offset by the advantage (the fact that you make a bunch of connections in one go.
Have fun making friends. You're going to hear some VERY interesting stories from people you never talked to before. It will get easier each time and your circle will grow.
You don't need to be popular, you just need to interest yourself with one person at a time - they will be flattered and repay you with an open door.
Take care.
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A
male
reader, Objectivist Thinker +, writes (2 May 2009):
Objectivist Thinker is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I'm very unpopular with kids at my school, so I don't think I could do anything like that. I mean, I could try, but I don't think it'd work.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): I agree try becoming friends with some people she knows but don't be pushy when it comes to befriending her work up to it! Then one day when you are all standing around talking about something maybe ask her "what do you think?" then take it from there you know. Just be cool about it relaxed cuz if you show her that you're scared to talk to her she may be off about it.
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A
male
reader, Undisclosed +, writes (2 May 2009):
Before you giver her the note...
Consider talking to her. That is after all what you're planning on doing when you invited her to meet you at the locker, right? It's ok to feel nervous when you like someone. Crushes have a way of turning our world upside down.
So you like this girl. It would be nice to get to know her. The best way to do this is through friends. If you already have mutual friends, spending more time with them (concentrate on them, not her) will translate into spending more time with her in the future. If you don't have any mutual friends, start befriending some. Hanging out with a group of friends is very comfortable and she'll feel at ease getting to know you casually in a group.
While it may seem like being alone with a girl should be easier and less "stressful"(?) than when others are watching, one on one can actually be very intimidating for a girl. I would recommended holding on to that note a while longer and talking to her friends instead. Start with whichever one of them you feel most comfortable with and work your way up until you're comfortable chatting with her face to face in a group.
Enjoy the moment and let us know how it goes!
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