A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Someone who i used to speak to has recently got in contact with me again ,when we used to be friends , he said he was attracted to me i never felt the same way . Shall i get to know him again ? i try to meet people to take my mind of things but in this situation im not sure incase this time i find myself becoming attached to him then he gets back with his girlfriend.id also only be wanting to meet him to take my mind of someone who im attracted to but he messed me about .we dont talk anymore but it really upsets me as i was finally feeling comfortable around him but he wasnt honest with me and just wanted sex and he did not tell me this straight away then just said it was best to stop talking after i told him how i felt . since then i cant stop thinking about him and try to distract myself wold meeting an old friend help ? what else could i do ? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (12 February 2021):
 So he fancies you, you don't fancy him, but you are contemplating meeting up with him because you are looking for some distraction from your hurt? Put yourself in his shoes and ask yourself how you would feel if someone did that to you. Pretty crappy, I would imagine, and rightly so.
If you both wanted to meet up as friends, then that may be fine, but you two have different agendas and you would just be wasting this guy's time and giving him false hope, neither of which is nice.
Find someone different to distract you. Or even better, heal yourself first, then start looking for someone with whom you can share a mutual attraction.
A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (12 February 2021):
 No you should not. If you weren't attracted to him before why would you be now? It would actually be rather cruel because you would be getting his hopes up when all you want is a distraction. Please have compassion and just leave things alone. Think about how you'd feel if things were reversed. You wouldn't want to be messed with would you?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2021): Don't use other human beings as "distractions." Using people can have pretty bad repercussions. It either ends in drama, or could wide-up ending in tragedy. Don't bother dating anyone; until you get your head straight.
It felt better when YOU were toying with HIS feelings; but he flipped the script! His pursuit was an ego-booster, then his girlfriend comes along and snatched it away!
Don't go from guy to guy looking for emotional-bandaids; because you can't deal with being rejected, or because entitlement demands you should get whatever or whomever you want.
Rebounding and messing around with the feelings of other people usually backfires. Chasing after guys who have dumped you, is asking for the sequel or instant-replay of a bad-experience.
Do something more constructive and enlightening. Read everything you can get your hands on about rebuilding your self-esteem, dealing with rejection, and how to move on after a guy chooses somebody else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2021): Read your post to yourself aloud. Do it three or four times.
He rejected you. That hurt your pride, and bruised your ego. What's there to be attracted to? Could it be that you really need his validation?
Maybe you want to rewrite history, by trying to undo the humiliation you felt; when he dumped you and went back to his girlfriend. Maybe it's poetic justice for cheating on his girlfriend!
Hurt-pride is behind this sudden and illogical interest you've taken in a guy who once meant nothing to you; until he dumped you to return to his girlfriend. Choosing her over you must not sit well with you.
Best solution to this dilemma. Just move on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 February 2021):
 No.
It wasn't a food fit before, it's not going to be now. JUST because YOU want to get your "mind off" someone else doesn't mean you should USE this guy to rub your ego.
He isn't "an old friend" he is a guy who used to have the hots for you. And if the friendship ended due to his attraction you shouldn't try and "rekindle" it.
Instead? Work on moving forward after your last "mistake". Don't have sex with a new person until you feel comfortable enough to bring up what you are looking for, it might spare you some heartache.
Like, Kenny said, cut them both lose.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (11 February 2021):
 Firstly if you never felt the same way about him the first time around, then chances are you won't a second time around.
Also meeting him to try to take your mind off of someone you are attracted to is a really bad idea, and I would refrain 100% from doing this.
The guy who got in touch with you, you should not meet him again, simply because your intentions for doing so are all wrong.
You need to get over the person that messed you around, get over it in your own time, and delete his contact details as well, he sounds to me like someone you could do without in your life.
So in a nutshell, I would dismiss them both out of your life and move on.
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