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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I don't know whether I should get back together with my boyfriend. Some history: we met in 2006, when I was 17 and he was 20. A mutual friend introduced us. We clicked instantly and a few months later, near my 18th birthday, we started dating. We fell in love quickly. It felt as if nothing could go wrong... then one day he asked me about my history with the mutual friend that introduced us. I first told him that nothing had ever happened... but immediately he asked me again and I told him that we had been friends with benefits.Back in 2004, when I was 15, I had a friendship with benefits with that friend. I liked him, but he only was attracted to me. We had known each other long enough and we trusted each other so we decided to "experiment". We made out and I tried giving him a BJ once, but it kind of didn't work. Then I cut that off.Since I lied to my then boyfriend, he stopped trusting me and reacted very badly, he felt betrayed (he had been cheated on by practically all his previous girlfriends). Problems started. In short, I had to give up on friends, stopped going out without him, and had to change many things... still it kind of never was enough. He just didn't trust me and made me go through hell for what I'd done in the past. Aside from having been with my friend, I'd made out with some random guys I had just met at some parties, and he also didn't like that. I did however lose my virginity to him, he's the only guy I've had sex with.After three years of that, I had it and broke up with him last May. He got really, really hurt and he started changing. I've not stopped loving him and so it's been hard to cut contact. He wants me back, but I don't know what to do.After we broke up I made new friends and started doing things I couldn't do when I was with him, like going out without worrying he'd find out, etc., being free you know? I told my friends everything and they supported me, but now they hate my ex. I reckon they'd be very pissed if we got back together. He also HATES my friends because they have supported my choice to be single.On the other hand, he also started hanging out more with some friends of his, who sometimes do weed and such stuff. I don't like his friends.And, I'm also very, VERY insecure about my body. I know that I'm not his ideal physically ('cause back in the day when we were together and he was mean to me, he talked about some hot girls and I asked what he preferred physically and he described a body which is not like mine). He now says he regrets that and that I have a beautiful body and that he was a fool, but I don't know if he's just saying that.Oh, I'm not really a superstitious person, but one of my friends reads the tarot, and once she did this thing in which I had to ask a question in silence, mentally you know, a yes or no question, and pick a card, which she would interpret as either yes or no. I asked "Should I get back together with G.?" to myself, picked the card, and my friend told me: "The answer is no... but you'll end up saying yes". I know this is such a random thing, but it kind of keeps me thinking that maybe I shouldn't get back together with him.I love him and all, but he also did some bad stuff while we were apart, like hacking a Facebook account just to spy in me. I just don't know what to do. I like the freedom I have being single, but I also feel very empty. When I'm with him I feel complete, but I have a bad feeling, like history will repeat itself or that I'll have to give up on my friends again. Should I get back together with him?
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female
reader, RealGirlNextDoor  +, writes (26 January 2011):
YOU SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER get back with him. I'm sorry for being this blunt but i've lived this kind of relationship myself and so has a friend of mine. Luckly I got out of it without getting too shaken in the process, but my friend wasn't as lucky. She started out in the same situation, some of her past wan't to het bfs fancy and he got seriously possesive. She got back with him and he ended up making her life a living hell, she was like this for several years until he finally started beating her. She made the mistake to always go back to him and he NEVER changed. When they weren't together she had freedom, although he secretly kept spying her and sending her terrible messages calling her a whore ect. when she wasn't doing anything wrong.
He also smoked weed with his "friends" (which my friend also hated because they were a terrible influence). he started getting worse ans worse (and started doing more and more weed and other things). My friend finally borke up but he kept being possesive as if he owned her. She had to call the police and have a restraining order because he randomly saw her one night and tried to kill her.
These kind of "men" are not worthy of any women, you should NOT get back with him. I've worked with women in these situations and your ex boyfriend seems to have the same profile as my friends boyfriend and any other "women beaters" I have met.
Please Please for your sake and your LIFE do not believe a word he says, stay away from him and forget about him. It could be a matter of life or death.
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