A
female
age
36-40,
*aylor_confused
writes:I have been dating this great guy Chase for 9 months. I though he was Mr. Perfect. I loved him then I found out with was cheating on me. Well actually he was cheating on his finacee with me!!! I found out he was cheating 2 months ago, when I showed up at his house unannouced and another girl answered the door. I know i deserve better and I need to move on but I still love him with my whole heart. I literally feel sick without him. He has been calling me for the last 2 months telling me he was sorry and wanted to break up with his fiancee but just didn't know how to do it with out hurting her. (She did dump him.) I try not to answer his calls but I can't help myself. Last weekend he showed up and he ended up having sex. Should I forgive him??
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male
reader, sirshmokealot  +, writes (6 December 2010):
im a guy and i say you should not forgive him women deserve respect and that aint how you go bout doing it hes just gunna fuck up again TRUST ME
A
female
reader, samara +, writes (19 May 2009):
Everyone cheats girl or guy who cares pay him back just dont get caught.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009): I JUST DON'T GET IT.......he is a cheater, got caught, then had make up sex with you and you seem to have forgiven him.the old saying- if he does it with you he will do it to you. babes it's just a matter of time. i take it you don't even feel guilty having sex with him while he still has a fiance. speaks volumes of you too. once a cheat, always a cheat. but please go ahead. you will find out soon enough.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009): Paybacks are a bitch aren't they? What comes around goes around. He's not gonna stop anytime soon so either like it or leave it. Just know that your pool isn't the only one he's swimming in.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009): Your pathetic! Yeah fogive him so he can keep using you over and over again for as long as he wants. Maybe he can just keep stopping buy for cassual sex becasue your foolish enough to beleive the things he says. Ever hear of the saying ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS? So what if he breaks it off with his fiance for you. He will visit her for some cassual sex also and when she ends it he will find another dumb girl to cheat on you with. These types of guys collect foolish girls who will allow them to use them as they see fit. Your just one of them. Don't think anything different or you will just be setting yourself up for misery. Trust me I am a guy. Only girls who demand respect get respect. Girls who put up with lies and crap, get a bunch of lies and crap. Don't beleive cause you desperatly want to. Step back and look at the whole picture and think with your logical mind and not your blind heart. Come on.
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A
male
reader, Dreamlover  +, writes (15 May 2009):
 Im confused with the above two replies, makes perfect sense though but my heart does not sit with it.
You love him he loves you, no big deal right? This is a big deal, trusting someone with your heart and giving them all you have only to fidn out you not the one hurts, look at it from his gf's side, she may have loved him to bit, why did he propose? Why did he not have the decency to let his gf know that there were problems and than they should break off the engagement.
Forgive him i agree its the least humainly thing you can do but to let him back in your life after 9 months of deceit is going to be hard to follow.
He clearly has issues and until he can sort them out and stand up for himself my suggestion is to stay far from him until you have healed and take it from there. If his still around it will speak volumes.
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A
male
reader, SexyMik +, writes (15 May 2009):
The only way out is to go with your inner voice, if you don't then you will never be satisfied.
The chap involved sounds like I used to be a few years ago, totally mixed up, confused and can't do right for doing wrong.
The trouble with love is, love is a bit like waiting for a bus, you wait around for hours and three come along at the same time ! You don't want to say no as you are sensative and don't want to hurt the other ones feelings.
I do clearly remember that after over a year of trying to find love, I meet a girl on a Saturday and it was love at first sight, then on the Sunday whilst waiting for my male mates a girl plonks herself next to me, asks a question, shes infatuated by me and asks whether I got a girlfriend I say I do, and she said how long you know her ? I being totally honest and tell her yesterday, she says dump her and have me !, I say I told you I have got a girlfriend, she says how do you know shes any good or will turn up again? and from then on I have a job to get rid of her, try explaining that one - well to cut along story short I had problems for some time afterwards. One thing I was honest and told my original girlfriend, she suprised me and said try her out and then decide. So I did but this was indeed most complicated as they were in competition with one another and seemed to be playing some game with my emotions. Both girls were hard to part with as both treated me like a Lord and showered me with affection. This was indeed difficult so I indeed know what he could be going through as I prised myself as a Mr Nice Guy and couldn't hurt any girl as I could'nt bear to see them cry it used to make me crack up and I would be crying too.
I totally sympathise with you and in a way him too. I genuinely believe that you and him love each other to bits and if that is a fact then you WILL be together no matter what has happened in the past.
The main thing now is to meet and this time make a serious promise to be totally honest with one another. He must be totally honest with you if he has a problem (like I once did) my girlfriend when she knew the truth understood my delemma and totally supported me throughout. Even to this day we are friends and lovers so that says much about what true love is all about. Honesty is first and foremost, ok you need your own time and space in your relationship and that may mean an open relationship of which trust is 1000%
Talk openly, don't be affraid to tell the truth but in return you insist on the truth no matter how the situation really is. If you really love one another then you will be together no matter who comes along in between.
The rules must be equal on both sides, If he wants female friends, then it is only fair that you have male friends too, the fact remains that if you love one another, then love will find a way through.
Tell him cheeting is NOT allowed, as how would he like it if you cheeted on him and was expecting a baby ??? If he loves you then he would comply with your wishes but be fair and he must be fair too.
If it can work for me then it will work for you too if you want it too.
Well all the best for now and I wish you both all the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009): The Uncles and Aunties here will give you a personal ethical view on your 'dilemma' and say that you can 'do better'. However, it is obvious that you have feelings for him.
One of the most optimal ways to learn from a mistake is to live through a mistake. For some, it takes one mistake. For others, it may take many. In your case, since you still have these feelings for him, I would boldly suggest that you 'forgive' him and take his word for it. Whether he can really leave his fiance or not, for whatever reasoning that he cannot at this moment or two months ago, is up to him. That is, if you accept that reasoning.
In clarity, do whatever you feel like you want to do. If the future makes it clear that he will leave his fiance and you two will live happily ever after, then your choice to forgive and accept him back will be good. Of course, if the future makes it clear that he continues to stay together with her while holding onto you, then the choice to continue this polygamist relationship is ultimately up to you.
Unfortunately, sometimes, people don't learn from their mistakes. There is no further aid for people like this. Just know that, the best and most optimal path is the path of least resistance.
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