A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for over twenty years, my husband told me a few months ago that he is hauted by the thought of havingsex with multiple partners, including myself. I really tried to understand him, but I am not at the same point as he is.Finally a few days ago he admitted to almost going all the way with my best friend. I am in pieces....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2010): Im sorry to hear your husband has gone off the rails. Internet porn? He may be bored and trying to spice things up with other sexual partners. Some try this and it can work but as often as not its a total disaster. The fact that he has as good as cheated with your friend is very worrying. Its one thing to talk about what he would like to do with other women, but another thing altogether when hes hitting on your friend. As for forgiving him. I think you will in time if its what you want to do. But i imagine it will take you time. Youve been betrayed by two. Your husband. And your friend. Thats not easy to forgive, so dont beat yourself up if you cant find it in you to forgive them.You need to have a serious talk with your husband and find out what it is he really wants. What will make him happy. If its something you arent comfortable with ie, asking you to allow him to cheat with other women ect, then its going to be difficult for you! You can try to piece things back together with him. But at the end of the day, if hes not happy to stay faithful to you and you arent happy to share him with other women, then may be a period of separation might help. Have a break from each other. Let him fulfill his fantasy with other women. And see if you want him back once hes had his fill. You might do. Or you might find you are happier without him.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (3 January 2010):
 Might you two simply be heading in different directions?
He wants an open marriage, you don't. Either he gives in or you do. Or, the marriage ends.
The fact that he came close to cheating suggests he feels strongly enough about this to risk his marriage and the fact that you are in pieces suggests you are not willing to engage in an open marriage.
So what can be done? That is for you two to figure out.
In a way, he cheated but worse has made it clear that he wants to take it further and even after you voiced objections to an open marriage, he pushed the issue with your best friend.
Forgiveness becomes hard to do if the subject isn't remorseful.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (3 January 2010):
You won't forgive him over night. It will take time. So the question is do you want to take all the effort to try with him or not?
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A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl  +, writes (3 January 2010):
 I don't think forgiveness is a decision we make. It comes from the heart!
I know, I don't have a switch I can turn on and off when it comes to forgiveness!
We can say we forgive someone but truly feeling it is a different matter.
If we do attempt to forgive, then we must truly forgive and start anew. We shouldn't bring it up every time there is an argument...
That is true forgiveness.
You can talk things out with your husband and work on forgiving him. But I feel, to just say I will forgive you, shows him what he did is okay. This is a subject that requires a lot of discussion, before you forgive! As for your so-called friend....Well, she's not much of a friend, is she?
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