A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:this girl and i are hitting the stage of a serious relationship, but i'm worried that we won't make it that far. This girl, let's call her megan, is a lot more carefree and loose than i ever was, but the real problem is that im afraid to tell her that intimacy and pretty much any kind of contact scares me because of what happened in my past. She knows i was involved in a case against this guy, but she doesn't know that almost being raped has caused more scars and pain for me than i can let go. Along with that, i was abused throughout my childhood and watched my sister get used by people and drugs. I'm battling sever depression and the couple times that she's been around to see me at a low point have kind of freaked her out...so my question is...what do i do? how do i explain to her that i do want to be with her, but i've got a bit of emotional baggage that i'm stuck with
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionit's not so much that i'm basing everything in life on what happened, and honestly i hate being judged by what happened, but its more the depression part that's gotten worse and is really causing serious issues...physically and emotionally ...being in a relationship...i don't know...is...or rather was giving me the support i needed from another person. and i am in therapy
thanks for the advice :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2010): Have you told her about your past? I think honesty is the best policy and letting her know how you feel and why would be really good for both of you. Although only tell her what you are comfortable with- it sounds like you have been through a lot and if you arent comfortable sharing everything with her then you shouldnt! But its nice to be on the same page as your partner and the easiest way to do that is to understand each other. Even if she wants more, hopefully she would understand it will take some time for you to be able to give that much of yourself. You were hurt greatly in the past and unfortunately things like trust and security were taken from you and have to be slowly earned- just remember that is NOT your fault and you are worth the wait- if she takes the time she will see that.
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