A
male
age
30-35,
*oynty
writes:Hi everyone, please any advice at all would be much appriciated!!,sorry this might be abit drawn out but I need serious help with my love life. I met a girl when I was 12, it was love a first sight for both of us and immediatley we hit it off, for 4 years we had an amazing relationship until one day she decides we need a break, this took me by shock and although I agreed to this break I thought to myself do not give up. A year later we got back together I was so happy it was unbelievable, I love this girl so much! We stayed in a good heathly relationship and I proposed to her in feb 2009 and she accepted. Everything was going fine until I noticed some suspicious behaviour on her part, once I investigated I found that she was mailing another man 10 years older than her, talking about meeting up for sex and even talking about getting married to him. Immidiatlety I confronted her and after a long chat we sorted it out and she promised she would stop right away. A few days later i found more mail of the same type, so once again I confronted her only to be promised again she would stop and she loves me. Unfortunatley this happend another two times until I couldent take anymore and I decided to split up with her. When we split up we said we will take a few days out have a good serious think about what we want and will then meet up again and see what happens. The only problem is I have so many emotions and thoughts I don't know where to start! I still love her so much more than anything in the world but I don't know if I can forgive her and even if I could how could I ever trust her again! I'm so comfused I want her so badly but I don't know if I can take her back! Please please any advice or comments are so much appriciated. Thank you
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a break, got back together, split up Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): personaly, I'd say she's playing you for second best,and if she can do better, she's gonna dump you in a heartbeat,or she is going to continue cheating on you and & BULLSHITIN you, running around behind your back.trust with me, is something you gotta earn, you weren't born with it, and once you loose it, you might not ever get it back.like they say "ONCE A CHEAT, ALWAYS A CHEAT".I see nothing but problems coming from this relationship here.She don't respect you and if you dont get rid of her, you dont respect yourself.I know its gonna be hard, but you gotta HANG TOUGH!GOOD LUCK.
A
male
reader, nickaust1971  +, writes (26 October 2009):
mate what Im going to say will hurt you........DUMP HER find someone who you can trust.It will hurt for the 1st year or so but you will get over it.
Good luck and what ever happens you will be fine
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): I understand that what you're going through must be so difficult.
The best thing you can do, even though it will be very difficult at first, is to take longer than a few days out, at least a month or more, you care about this girl so much, it may be the case that you need real distance to get some proper perspective. Surround yourself with friends, do fun things, 100% focus on you.
Real time apart will answer your questions about whether or not you can forgive and forget. But remember if someone hurts you repeatedly, then they don't deserve your affections in the first place.
I speak from experience, I hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, devastated2008  +, writes (26 October 2009):
 The person you love is not the one you are dealing with right now. You love someone that does not exist and may have never existed.She has some very serious issues that are her responsibility to deal with... I know you love her and this hurts you deeply, but its her problem. You can't stay there and torture yourself with this. Staying while she in the midst of this behavior is unhealthy for you both.It seems contradictory to walk away if you love her but she needs you to be firm and strong and not put up with that kind of destructive behavior. Walk away and with no plans for her to ever change and expect to move on. If things are meant to be then it will be... Set your standards high from here on out and don't settle for pathetic promises, tears or apologies. You need to see hard care change in who she is for her to have the privilege of being with you.
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A
male
reader, Trans Am Man +, writes (26 October 2009):
 um, well. I am also in a similer situation. There's this girl that I love more than anything in the world. We dated for around 7 months and then she decided to break up with me to go out with another guy, it's been almost 2 months and she's had about 6 different guys in this time. I've had maybe 5 chances to be with other girls but I've said no to all of them because I was still love with my ex. I've prayed and prayed that she would come back to me and finally out of the blue my prayers were answered, I found out she still had feelings for me and I could've got her back, but I said no because even though I still love her and we had some good times when we were together I knew that if I got back with her things would eventually go bad again. My point is that even if you love someone, you should let her go. You'll have happy times again and someday you'll find the one that was truly meant for you.
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A
male
reader, TheVirg +, writes (26 October 2009):
Well... if she promised to stop, and continued to try to hide it behind your back, that could lead to future problems. I would decide whether she likes you as much as you like her also. If she doesn't, then I'd take a break from her. If she does, possibly continue to talk to her about WHY she is seeing another man.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): She obviously is out there looking for anything better she can latch onto. She sees you as second best and ok for the meanwhile. She may be reluctant to break up with you but this maybe because she sees you as a sure thing, You seem like a sweet and genuine person but don't be a sucker. You are allowing your emotions to rule your judgement and if you proceed with this relationship there will always be trust issues and you will almost certainly get your heart broken. best wishes.
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