A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi there,I've been seeing this guy for nearly 2months now, and its all very casual, soon after we started texting each other he told me he'd just gotten out of a 4year relationship and wasn't really looking to get into anything too serious right now as he was still pretty unsure of where his head was at. At the time I told him that was fine as I wasn't expecting anything serious from him as I didn't know him well enough yet. Since then we've met up a good few times and text each other daily. My problem is that now, 5weeks down the line, I do want something more serious from him and don't know how to go about it. He won't talk about his ex though I haven't really asked as I don't want him to feel like I'm pushing him, but I know they have only been split up for just over 3months. I don't want him to feel like I'm pushing him into a really serious relationship but I don't feel things have really progressed much at all from when we first met. I told him I wasn't going to sleep with him as I wasn't intersted in being his rebound girl and he was fine with that. I'm just so unsure of what to do, I don't want to push him away as I really don't want to lose him, but at the same time I need to know that this is going somewhere and he's not just with me because hes bored and missing the ex? I have no idea if he's seeing other girls, or if he does see us going anywhere, but how can I bring this up without him getting scared? Thanks for all your advice!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): You are just his rebound girl. Hes just getting his feet wet back in the dating single game you need to tell him you have a date and see how he takes it then go from there. Dont give him any free sex and dont contact him at all let him call you. And if he does ask for a date the next time tell him you are busy - do this a couple of times to get him wondering, men love the hunt. He is not ready for a new serious relationship unless he was the one that broke up with her. If hes crusshes from her, he will need a lot of time. Or if he dumped her she may be trying to get him back. But dont talk about the ex thenshe will be on his mind or you may turn into his counsler. Keep your distance. Dont be there or do everything for him.
A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (26 October 2009):
 Your fear of losing him is stopping you from getting what you really want. The first mistake I think you made is telling him in the beginning that you didn't expect anything serious. I bet that you were at least hoping for something serious but were afraid to say it because you thought it would drive him away.The way he sees things is that you are fine with what you've got going and nothing needs to change. Being scared to tell him what you want will only make you unhappy in the end. I don't think that he will change anything if you don't bring it up. Let me tell you one thing...you cannot scare a guy away if he actually feels the same way about you as you do about him. We women often tell ourselves that we shouldn't say this or do that because we'll scare the man away...that's total bull and we know it...men don't get scared, they just don't feel it and your wants and needs do not match his. I know you like him and don't want to 'lose' him but you need to do something about this to protect yourself. I would sit down with him and just tell him that you're at a stage where you want to know what you guys are doing, see what his reaction is.The last thing you want is him meeting someone else and then telling you that what you had was not serious and he was free to do what he pleased.Maybe I'm old fashioned or whatever but I never just 'hang out' and text with guys I want something serious with, hoping they'll wake up one day and realize they want to make me their girlfriend. Why? Because that never happens and because I know I would just hurt myself in the process. I make it a point that I'm looking for more and if they're not I walk away. You need to think about yourself and what you want because ultimately that's what matters.
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