A
female
age
36-40,
*sClara
writes:Ok, so at the moment I'm really freaking out. I have just left my job in Germany to move home to Ireland. I didn't want to go to Ireland, given the job situation, but my boyfriend, who's French by the way, is going to do a masters here and I said that I'd come with him and try to find a job so that we can stay together. We've been talking about marriage etc. He was miserable in Germany and is delighted to be "home." We got off the boat less than two weeks ago and he found a job the next day. Now I'm at home in my parents and looking for a job, and he's living on his friends sofa so he can be nearer work in Dublin. I've barely seen him, except for a couple of days and he seems to be happier to stay with his friends than with me. Even at the weekend he drove here to visit and went back to his friends early because "he wanted to spend time with them" even though he's living with them. I know that I shouldn't be this needy. He's actively looking for apartments for us during the week so that we can move in together again but I feel so worried about money and about finding a job that I'm a nervous wreck at the moment. I'm suspicious of him and his friends (they're into marijuana and last week he was high when I called him) and I'm thinking all these crazy thoughts that this was not worth it, that he doesn't really love me. I feel like he doesn't understand that I'm not on cloud nine like him. I used to be a relaxed person and now I'm freaking out about the littlest thing. He said there's only so much he can reassure me that we'll be ok and he's right. I guess my problem is that I don't think he gets why I'm so worried. I am also jealous of him. I feel ashamed to see my friends because they all have hinted and said that I'm crazy to move back here considering my career. What if I made the wrong choice by following him here? I love him, but I don't want to resent him.
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female
reader, VSAddict  +, writes (12 July 2011):
 I think you should give your boyfriend an ultimatum. He either stops smoking pot and spends more time with you or you leave. I know it sounds like you would be controlling but you have needs. You didn't move back there for nothing and he needs to see that. Keep trying to get through to him and if he doesn't after a week or two or however long you can wait, then leave.
A
female
reader, MsClara +, writes (12 July 2011):
MsClara is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI tried to talk to him, but as my sister told me, happy people rarely take the negative feelings of those around them into consideration. I don't really believe in LDRs so I came back in the hope that we could make it work. Even last night, his mom called me and told me that I should move to Luxembourg because they're crying out for people like me. I know this already though and its just making me feel worse. On top of my bf not really understanding where I'm coming from, he's now staying with friends that I believe are a bad influence on him, he's started smoking pot and cigarettes again, after giving up a year ago and he just laughs at me when I say that this worries me.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (11 July 2011):
It doesn't seem like he's taking your feelings into consideration. Talk to him and tell him how you feel. I would've waited until he finished his masters to move back. How important is your career to your relationship?
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