A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, I need help about not getting on with either of my parents and generally just feeling really down. I'm an only child, I don't see my Dad on a regular basis (once, twice a year if I'm lucky - he has a wife and stepkids so he chooses to spend most of his time with them and his wife doesn't like him seeing me but my Dads not the issue) it's my Mother, who I live with and we've never ever got on. For the last 3-4 months though, It's got really bad. I mean, we've always fallen out but this time I just can't take it anymore. I've started crying, pretty much everyday about how bad my life really is (which I know is really selfish as there are kids out there alot less fortunate) I've contemplated counselling, going to the doctors, thinking I have depression, wanting to move out, go into care, get my own place.. all of that.. I booked an appointment to see the doctors then cancelled it because I thought things would get better. They haven't. There are many reasons why me and my mum dont get on. One being that I go to a posh state school where all of my friends are so much more fortunate than me. They have really nice houses, their own cars, you know - their parents are well off. I'm just so jealous as mine however scrape by to live and my house is not nice enough(half decorated half shithole) to have any friends round so I have no social life, no car, no freedom. Another reason is my mums boyfriend, he comes round like every weekend or whatever, stays over and when he comes round I have to hide in my room because he's so awkward to be around. He just bitches about me to my mum behind my back saying I haven't contributed to the housework/ tidied up / walked the dog... etc. I just hate who he is, like, he'll come in the kitchen to get something and come straight out because I'm there.. or he'll deliberately smoke when he knows our family rules are no smoking in the house. He just comes, eats our food, smokes, and goes. I'm 17, ok I'm not perfect.. I do sometimes leave the odd thing lying around, but my room is always spotless and I always wash up all my dishes and do my laundry. But my mum expects more, she expects me to do all of her dishes, the housework, the gardening.. on top of my school studies and part time work at the weekend. My mum works long hours everyday so I know she's tired alot of the time and I never see her during the week.. and now never at the weekend. Half of me thinks that's a good thing as we don't get on, however half of me just feels so lonely and unwanted. Please help? What should I do? I need just someone telling me how things can get better.
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female
reader, loveshimithink  +, writes (11 July 2011):
 Hi!!i am sorry you feel this way, but i think you should talk to your dad and tell him you want to be around him more and alone time..i had to tell my dad i wanted that because his step wife an 3 daughters were really mean to me, and he would not do it me an my moms boyfriend her now husband didnt get alone either, but i wanted a daddy figure and thats what i got a real dad.you should also just help with whatever you can i have a part time job also, but i always give my mama a little money every 2 weeks, and then whenever i get off work during the week i will clean and wash laundry and try to start dinner.. you should try this also it might mqke your mama smile and feel less stressed!you should also talk to her and her boyfriend an let them know that he is disrespecting you and your home with downing you, and smoking in the house if the rule is NO SMOKING then he shouldnt be smokingAlso never feel unloved, just look at yourseld every morning and say i am beautiful, i am someone, im happy, and love my life.Noone can make you happy BUT you!!!
A
female
reader, Y_v +, writes (11 July 2011):
 I feel for you. I really do. I know you may feel daft when reading this from your computer like 'great... someone who thinks they give a damn' but i seriously i know how it feels when your mum is showing she doesn't really give a shit...One thing i learned tho... is that mums DO give a shit. She just has problems herself. Although you might or might not realise it.. she's hurting, and the only way she's dealing with it is by distracting herself with work and having less time to think about her pain. She's probably hurting because she has a 17yr old daughter to look after and she doesn't have support from her actual husband. But there is not much you can do about this!Another thing is... you're ace. i mean it. You're doing so much more than any normal teenager. You're doing extremely well to cope with this kind of situation. You're looking after yourself really well.. Well done. (ha sorry it sounds condescending but yeh!) Just keep looking after yourself. Stay strong and definately stay healthy e.g. eat plenty of healthy stuff, exercise blah blah... etc! :) TRY TO STAY POSITIVE! please do everything that makes you happy, chat to close friends, relatives or try to stay in contact with your dad (his wife can do shit all, your his daughter!) One last thing is... don't let other girls from your school let you down. They just sound like posh nonnies!! just ridiculous!... make the best of what you've got. You show that you are very mature for your age because you know that you're self aware and selfless....again awesome thing to be! Those other girls are not in the same league as you, don't compare yourself to them! You're doing a great job. Bottom line is your mum's the one with issues who needs to sort herself out! She needs to slap herself and get real!! She has a daughter who needs support and you need another father that can look after you properly! The only thing you can do is talk to your mother face to face, help each other out if she can't help herself! Make her realise that you need her more than ever! She needs to grow up and get her act together. You are doing great just please look after yourself physically and find support around you e.g. close friends, real dad, other family members, etc. Enjoy your youth!!Please keep us informed on how its going and hope this helps :) x
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