A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm really confused. I don't know what to do or who to pick. I'll tell you the story...I'm 17, and I was with my ex for 7 months. We were really happy at first. My family loved him and we got on very well. He then turned very controlling, he'd want to know where I was, who I was with, what I was doing. He'd hate me going out and constantly ring me. He would check my texts, phonebook, phonecalls. Everything. Anyway, I felt like I was being smothered, so I finished it. I know people say young people can't fall in love, but I did. He was my first love and finishing it was one of the hardest things I did. But I had to. I then said if he changed his ways I would get back with him, because I love him with all my heart. He's not all bad, he does everything for me, and I mean everything! Anything I want he's there!Anyway, throughout my breakup, this new guy has been helping me so much. He's called James, and he's lovely. He cuddles me when I cry over my ex, he wipes my tears. He picks me up whenever I need to talk, anytime he's there in a flash. Anyway, he's lately told me he loves me, as I've known him for ages and he's always cared about me. I love it when James comforts me, I don't know what I'd do without him. I told him I still love my ex, and he said he doesn't care, as long as he is with me and he will help me get over it. He kissed me the other day, and it felt quite right. But I pushed him off because I didn't know what I wanted.However, my ex came round last night. We ended up cuddling and he kissed me! And all I thought about was hurting James. I do love my ex, but I do also really like James. But love is stronger than like, isn't it? Should I follow my head and chose James because I have less chance of getting hurt as I will have more space and freedom? Or shall I follow my heart and give it a go with my other ex? HELP.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2011): James sounds a bit pushy, kissing you when you're clearly just getting over your ex. And if you were confiding in James this whole time wouldn't that be a decent reason for your ex to become jealous? Perhaps taking some time away from both for yourself for would be your best option.
A
male
reader, dannn +, writes (14 March 2011):
I'm curious as to why your boyfriend (ex) started to act controlling or suspicious, if you were hanging out with the James and confiding in him wouldn't that spark a little worry in you ex? I know it's fine having guy friends but why do you have this close friend of yours who loves you as such a close friend. Also how do you know he was checking your texts and such? The fact that james doesn't care that he's coming in-between a relationship or cutting in while you're a mess shows that he may be caring but altogether a lil desperate and inconsiderate. If he is becoming controlling then yeah he's got some issues he needs to work out, but sometimes men get panicked and don't know what to do when the person they love starts drifting away, step back from both perhaps and evaluate the situation. Self evaluation is one of the biggest signs of maturity as long as it's not self destructive. Hope things work out for the best, I'm sure you'll be fine in whatever you choose.
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A
female
reader, hotinlove  +, writes (14 March 2011):
He is an EX for a reason, did that reason suddenly change? It's hard to leave a first love, but when that first love ends, its because something was done to someone, something hurtful enough to say goodbye to that first real love. If you ask me, going back to him would be asking to fall into the same pattern you were already in. This new guy sounds nice and caring, maybe he's worth a try?
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A
female
reader, Miss Monsoon +, writes (14 March 2011):
Hello It seems you have got yourself in a bit of a pickle, and a love triangle of some sort. It's very apparent that you are still in love with your ex but as you mentioned before he's controlling so if you did get back with him he would probably try and manipulate you more in to his way. Is that what you really want..? You deserve better and any boy showing that kind of behaviour at this age is going to have problems with relationships with the females later in life. As for the kissing James maybe it felt right out of comfort and hes a safe bet. James is very understanding to your needs. What you need to ask yourself is do you care for him, think about him lots and can he treat you the way you deserve.If the answer is no my advice to you is take time out, see your friends, find a hobby, make yourself busy.....And then you will find yourself knowing the answer and wondering why you stressed out so much over it.
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A
female
reader, Holli' +, writes (14 March 2011):
 Hiya hun,
To me, it sounds like James is a really nice guy, I understand you probably think you love your ex - don't get annoyed at me, just read on a little - I'm not being all anti-young-love but after seven months, I don't really think you can fall in love, not that fast.
Anyway someone who acts like your ex, I personally wouldn't go for. I recon James is best because he sounds sweet and caring and I'm sure you'd want someone like that, wouldn't you?
I'd go for James hun,hope this helps.
Good luck whatever the decision xxx
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (14 March 2011):
Whichever you decide, it has to be for the right reasons first and foremost.
Too often people follow their heart over their head which sometimes works, but can also lead to failure.
I think one of the difficulties for you is your ex is your first love and it can sometimes be harder to let go - but it can be done.
I tend to go with what my instinct tells me. In your case, based on what you've said, James seems the one.
He's the one that has looked after you, you said it felt right when you kissed, and then when you kissed your ex, your thoughts were about hurting James.
But if you are to proceed with James, you have to let go of your ex and in time you will realise it's the right thing.
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