A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Do I leave my husband??I need help please. I have been married for 17 years and have two beautiful children. However I feel that I need to put an end to a failing or failed marriage. I feel that I am in it just for the sake of the children. Since we have been married I have had problems, initially it was physical abuse, verbal abuse, threats etc..etc..my husband drinks every single day. I can count on the one hand the number of nights he has not had alcohol. We moved overseas three years ago and he has manipulated me, lying about his salary, lying about our permanent residence status and chasing me out the house when he knew I couldnt leave as we were on a 457 visa at the time. If i left it would mean breaching the visa laws. I dont love him as a wife would love her husband. I want out of this relationship as it is suffocating me. He is mean and wants to always dominate me, often swearing and shouting at me in front of the kids. My 16 year old said that if i dont move out and start a new life for myself,she will have nothing more to do with me. I havent even slept in the same room with him for two months now as sex is a chore, i often feel threatened into having sex. I am smart and independent and have a full time job that pays well for me to survive on my own. I am just worried that he wont support thekids if I moved out. I am not sure how to handle this situation. We dont even speak to each other any longer. Please help...
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for taking the time to submit your responses, I appreciate it..I read them with a lot of tears....I know that I have the strength and courage to take this on and accomplish the end result I want.... I can and will do this. I have started reading about separation / divorce......I have experienced many challenges in my life and overcome every single one as a winner. Nothing so far in life has got me down and I am not going to let this be the first. I have put on my logical, prioritizing, thinking cap and it feels great. THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH. Gigi
A
female
reader, blackdalia  +, writes (14 April 2010):
You do not have to live in a toxic relationship, you deserve much better. Be strong for you and your children and GET OUT OF IT!!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 April 2010):
 You already know what to do. Start saving up and looking for a place for you and the kids. Also contact a lawyer and get your immigration status/papers in order so you CAN leave his sorry ass.
YOU DO deserve better.
Do it for YOU and your KIDS!
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A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (10 April 2010):
start making a plan, get your things together, know where your resources are (people, money...) and plan a departure. Make sure that you change as many things as you can (email address, passwords, cell phone #... etc) and that your employer knows what's going on, in case he shows up at work.
Take your time, plan, and then GO!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (10 April 2010):
 If you have tried your very best and all those avenues of reconciliations and he still does not change and you are very unhappy with the situation, the only road left to travel is divorce.
If you do not leave, it will only get worse. Take up the courage and challenge and move out of the comfort zone.
You may find that living without him can be a joyful thing. There will be peace in the home and you can do anything you want .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2010): I think you've already made up your mind. You seem like a strong person. I think it's time to take the next step. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2010): I think you've already made up your mind. You seem like a strong person. I think it's time to take the next step. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (10 April 2010):
 I have been where you are..except for the fact that we didn't live overseas. Married the exact amount of time too. As caring guy says, when the kids start telling you to leave..its really time to get out, sweetie.Sometimes you just have to accept that a marriage isn't going to work, its over, and its time to let go. I suffered for years with an alcoholic husband, and there was no love left, believe me. But you aren't doing yourself or your children any favors by staying, are you? There are laws, your husband can't just walk away scot free without paying for his children. Start checking things out, find a lawyer, and start a new life for yourself and your children. You are smart and independent, and trust me..you CAN do this. Its scary, but its also a wonderful feeling to be happy and free again. I know..I did it almost 8 years ago. I walked away from a 17 year marriage, a house, the cars, the whole nine yards, scared out of my mind..but knowing I couldn't live one more day with a drunken abusive husband. And my children and I (they are both grown now) are much much happier. If you need to talk, please feel free to PM. I'm rooting for you sweetie..YOU CAN DO IT! I promise!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (10 April 2010):
You're at the point where you need to leave. It takes a for a child to say what your daughter did. Go to a good lawyer and find out where you stand, and leave him. Do not wait another moment, or you will lose everything you've worked for.
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