A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am currently in my first real relationship with a beautiful more sexually experienced women. we are in our 20's. I am having troubling thoughts about sex, which are kind of driving me nuts! Having lost my virginity to this girl I was hoping someone could clear some issues up with me. This girl says she has never experienced orgasms as strong as the ones i give her with my fingers. Which is awesome I may add. But with that comes my problem. What I can do with my fingers I can not do with my penis or tongue (she needs her hand and her hand only on her clit to help her achieve the orgasm) Although we both enjoy sex, i am the only one who can orgasm from penetration, not her (which appears to be a normal thing among women). She has mentioned before that she has came at the same time with another man. I want this so bad and i feel inadequate / less manly because I can not / have not had this happen. This is mostly just some weird ego primate thing where i want to be everything and more compared to these other men she has dated.So my questions. Should I feel upset if my penis can't bring her to climax, I also feel like any stranger with hands could do to my girlfriend what i do to her, therefore i don't feel like I'm wanted/needed. What I really want is for her to experience the same orgasms she has with my hands but with my penis instead, because not everyone has a penis like me but everyone has hands. Hope that makes sense!
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lost my virginity, my penis, orgasm Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2012): 'There is no such thing as a vaginal orgasm. '
You might wanna check that one ; )
Well, I can only speak for myself. I am a woman. I experience two quite different and distinct types of orgasm. And through a bit of google research, I found that I wasn't the only person who feels this.
I am afraid to say that you sound like you haven't experienced it ... so, with respect, don't tell others what they feel or don't feel, please ...
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (1 October 2012):
 "Me again. Sorry, "person', but I have to strongly disagree - there totally are two types of orgasm - clitoral and vaginal - and I didn't read Freud to stumble upon that truth - it was purely something I noticed myself. If you think all orgasms are clitoral, then I'm sorry but I don't think you have experienced a vaginal one. They are quite different, and distinct."
You can't change biology. Different kinds of stimulation cause different sensations. All orgasms come from your clitoris (or your brain if you're one of those lucky women who can think herself to orgasm). There is no such thing as a vaginal orgasm. Even if you are talking about a G spot orgasm, your G spot is the internal part of your clitoris.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2012): Me again. Sorry, "person', but I have to strongly disagree - there totally are two types of orgasm - clitoral and vaginal - and I didn't read Freud to stumble upon that truth - it was purely something I noticed myself. If you think all orgasms are clitoral, then I'm sorry but I don't think you have experienced a vaginal one. They are quite different, and distinct.
That is something I meant to say to the poster - your girlfriend has more to learn about herself, a lot more ...
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (28 September 2012):
Also worth mentioning is that only a quarter of women are ever able to have this kind of orgasm. This is not how the VAST majority of women orgasm and it certainly isn't a better way to do so.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses and ideas everyone, I will give it a shot. And no CindyCares its not made of solid gold, haha. Could be I am just insecure about my penis sizes as well, lets face it every guy likes to know where he stands when it comes to that topic.
She says its above average but for some reason it just is not enough to help me get over it. I swear that my ideas of how sex should be all stem from porn, which I have found out is completely wrong, at least in my situation. Anyways I will try the ideas mentioned here and talk to her about it. If we both are enjoying sex even though she can't orgasm through penetration I guess there really isn't a problem, as long as we are both satisfied.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (28 September 2012):
I do understand what you are saying, and why it hurts. BUT there is no reason for you to feel bad.
Women care a lot less about penises than men do when it comes to an orgasm. Freud's really silly idea about the idea that a vaginal orgasm is better than a clitoral one is total bogus. There is no such thing as a vaginal orgasm, they are all clitoral. When a woman orgasms from sex, it's very rarely from him doing anything with his penis. It's almost always either indirect stimulation or from rubbing against the pubic bone or base of the penis.
What CindyCares is saying is totally true also about "why" it happens not always being clear. I can orgasm from penetration alone, but only sometimes and I can never really figure out why it works sometimes and why it doesn't others. But it has nothing whatsoever to do with a penis. I'd say 90% of it has to do with what I'M doing, not what he's doing.
Many women can't orgasm easily at all, the fact that you can make her orgasm with your fingers consistently already means you're rocking her world. If having an orgasm from sex was so important to her, she'd be with him, not you.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (28 September 2012):
 Hands work better than a straight(or slightly curved)penis so do what works and forget what you want. sex is all about satisfying your partner not your desires.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2012): Ok. First thing here: it is a combination of both of you, not just you. That she can't orgasm from sex rather than your hand is also to do with her. Most women have to learn how to do this, and they also have to think a certain way for it to happen. From the female point of view: hand stimulation is the easiest and quickest way to orgasm. A tongue is softer (and also presumably gets tired quicker) so one way that might work there would be to put a finger or fingers inside her as well as licking her clitoris. As for orgasm from penetration - the first crucial thing is for her to relax and think it can happen ... if she thinks it can't, for damn sure it probably won't. She needs to be in a position where she can get some clitoral stimulation as well, it sounds - so probably the easiest to start with is her on top. Lie back. Do nothing. Let her completely 'use' you and work out how best to position herself in order to rub her clitoris against your body and then push herself onto your penis. She needs to do this with no pressure (emotional/time) and just work out how to do it. I know it means you have to hang on in the meantime, and try not to bring things to a swift conclusion ... but even if you do orgasm, she can still keep going afterwards for a while.So remember: it is not your penis at all - it is the two of you, and your joint technique (and, to some degree, attitude). I don't know if you can talk to her about this, but maybe just do some independent research on the net on best ways, and then subtly suggest them. You are lucky to have private library access like that - in my day it was just finding out by trial and error ; )
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 September 2012):
 Not really. Yours is a fallacy in terms of logic.
Assuming it's true that any stranger with hands could do to her with his hands what you do with yours - then also any stranger with a penis could do to her with his penis what you'd do with yours.
Not everyone has a penis like you ?.... What do you mean ,OP, is yours made of solid gold ?Does it glow in the dark ? Does it play the national anthem ?... No ?..
Then it is a penis like any other penis. A penis is a penis is a penis is a penis....some are longer, some are shorter , some are thicker, some are thinner, but, believe you me, seen one seen them all.
The " problem " ( which actually is not a problem ) is that your gf is wired to orgasm in response to manual stimulation. That's what comes natural to her, that's how she comes . At least most of the times : orgasms can be very capricious so it's not impossible that occasionally/ exceptionally she might have climaxed through penetration , or she might do it in future - but that, because of a hard to pinpoint complex of physical, psychological, emotional variables that have nothing to do with your penis, or any particular penis .
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2012): This is quite common situation. You are still inexperienced so you should consider yourself lucky that you have someone willing to teach you. As for everyone having fingers you should also consider everyone having penis as well. So what is the big deal? We all use our hands to make our female partners climax. Penis,fingers, tongue all work together to achieve the desired end.I think you have no reason to worry as long as she is satisfied.
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