A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a lesbian who has been in a relationship for 7 months with a woman. Her best friend is a male, whom in the past, has declared he was in love with her! Nothing ever evenyuated and they remain extremely close. In the future she want's him to be her donor when we have a baby. This guy is a nice guy, however I am jealous as it seems she is most happiest when she is with him........Thoughts?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 September 2012):
 Are you saying she's not happy when she's with you, or that she's happier with him than with you?
Your girlfriend is a lesbian, right? In what way then can she be happier with this man, than she is with you? Sure, she can be happy, but there is no way he can mean as much to her, be as special to her, or be able to fill her needs, as you.
I think you should talk to your girlfriend about having an anonymous sperm donor. It makes things less complicated. If the sperm donor is a friend of one of you, then he might feel like he can intervene in your relationship, or form a bond to the child. He can come between you. It can also be that you'll feel "ganged up on" by him and her, if they are closer with each other than you are with him.
Having an anonymous sperm donor is definitely the way to go to avoid unpleasant situations. By having him as a sperm donor it is almost as if she is having a child with HIM, rather than you and her having a child together. Even if she wont feel that way about it, it is clear that you might feel that way about it. And HE might feel that way about it as well.
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (28 September 2012):
 Not sure why she gets to choose the donor and you have no veto power. This is definitely something that should be a joint decision, not something she picks out. If you're not on board with this guy, then you two should pick someone else together.
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A
female
reader, Read-the-signs  +, writes (28 September 2012):
Is your girlfriend actually bisexual and harbouring feelings for this man? If he becomes the father I can see it being the three of you being parents with you feeling on the sidelines.
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A
male
reader, grymsoul +, writes (28 September 2012):
 Im sorry but you do have everything to worry about. This is how I ended up meeting my second girlfriend. I wad the donor she and her girlfriend needed. I liked her alot which is why I had agreed to it. I told her I would feel more comfortable with it if we got to know eachother. Long story short, we spent two years sleeping around behind her girlfriends back and the third year being in a real relationship. Just because she is gay, it doesnt mean she isnt curious. My advise to you is to watch them very closey from now on.
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