A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:should i feel ok about my fiance telling me to put on some weight and try do something about it or should i let her deal with my nature of being skinny? really like her but being under lot of pressure by her. is it right that skinny and not skinny dont match in relationships?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks a lot to everyone. im kind of getting the hang of it, but i guess it's as maverick494 said, her demand just adds to the stress which isn't easy considering im having to change my lifestyle completely. I have started weight training at home, got a bench and some dumbbells. As for eating habits i'm concentrating on foods rich in proteins, tried the shakes but having lots of trouble getting them down my throat :S. Im also trying to eat every 3 to 5 meals but im not getting the total amount of calories i should cause i get full quite easily.Have gotten an exta 2 pounds a week ago but stagnant ever since.Thanks again to everyone. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2011): "What if i can't change, for reasons out of my control?"
Only your doctor will be able to tell you if it's something you can't change OP. There really is no non-medical reason why it can't be done. If you have some kind of condition that prevents weight gain then only your doctor can tell you that and how to fix it.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (31 July 2011):
I'm always a bit wary of BMI calculators because they hold nothing in account, but your weight does sound low for your height. Like Cerberus said, go to a doctor to confirm as none of us here are medical experts.
Also, can you tell us what your eating and exercise habits are? I can offer some advice on what to eat and how to bulk up, but I'm going to need a point to start from.
Lastly, talk to your girlfriend. Tell her you're going to the doctor to see what he thinks and if he considers you to be underweight you're going to do something about it. Tell her you're happy she cares but ask her not to bother you with this along the way because you feel it adds to the stress you already have. So simply let her know you appreciate her concern and are going to do something about it.
Since we're on that subject, you might as well propose to make it a joined effort: both of you working to improve your health.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2011): The last thing you should do is let the pressure get to you at all really. I know it sucks and the fact that it is something you do need to do can be a stressful though on top of all the work you do.
OP seriously let go of the pressure and be patient. It's not an emergency situation and it may take a while to get the balance right. Plus the stress will only harm your appetite, so relax about this, there's no hurry and the kind of work you do burns a hell of a lot of calories so you have to take that into account when considering your diet.
The trick I found was a high protein, high cal diet. Now the normal amount for healthy, relatively active man is 2500 cals a day. Now it sounds to me like your body is under a higher load of stress than normal so you will have to eat high energy, high protein foods regularly. You've had professional advice on how much you should be getting in a day. Is the problem following that advice or is it just you are eating that amount and it's not having any effect?
I'll tackle the first option and assume you're finding it hard to get that amount of food into you. First reason this may be is you naturally have a low appetite, well then more liquids are a better option for getting good quality high nutritional value calories into you. Milk, smoothies and fruit juices are exceptional. No matter what job you work you can take 5 minutes to drink a juice box or a carton of milk etc. even if you have to have that in your pocket and ask for a toilet break. The second reason is that you may work in the type of job where you can't leave your post except for on your break, well then have some kind of liquid nutrition close by.
It's very important you eat enough to maintain your energy levels so you must get something into you every 3 hours. The best things I found for weight gain, where these, boiled eggs they can be wrapped and eaten cold any time you want, I had 4-5 of these a day, they are literally two bites and you're finished you can even just keep one in your pocket eat it and no one would know. Milk, milk is basically liquid protein and it has a nice amount of essential fats in it too. Bananas, they're basically prewrapped carbs and vitamins.
Cut back on coffee and cigarettes both are appetite suppressants. By all means have a coffee every once in a while but every second coffee have a fruit juice or smoothie instead. Caffeine is a stimulant that works quickly but the natural sugars and carbs in fruit are slow release energy that last longer and you won't experience a crash. Basically OP just start forming habits. Start introducing healthy snacking and don't leave it more than 3 hours between every intake of food.
A typical day for me was this when I was building my weight.
Get up, put on the kettle. Put milk in a big bowl of muesli and put it in the fridge. Make a cup of coffee and use the rest of the water to put 4 eggs on the boil. After coffee take out the now softened muesli and eat it. Take the eggs off the boil empty the water and put the eggs under cold water. Shower, shave and get dressed. Pack a lunch including sandwiches with wholemeal bread, cheese, meat and lettuce, two bananas, the 4 hard boiled eggs, a smoothie, a fruit juice, fill a thermos with milk and bag of raw red skin peanuts to snack on during the day. Then off for 8 hours of work. I got this down to half an hour and even 20 minutes with my girlfriends help.
During the day I'd snack all day on the peanuts I'd keep a big bag in my pocket and just munch on them. Instead of coffee on coffee breaks I'd have the milk, egg and a banana.
Look you don't have to do everything I did I just want you to see that all you have to do is find small ways of getting a nice amount of calorie into you. There are literally a million different things you can do, just go to body building sites and look up the little tips and trick they do to get the massive amount of calories into them. I mean cold chicken breasts make nice snacks and you can eat them any time of day.
As for the problem being that you're doing what you've been told but it's not working, well being naturally skinny OP means you have a blazing metabolism so it will take a bit of time for you to gain weight, like losing it, it really doesn't happen over night. So have patience.
As for your girlfriend nagging you about it well that's easy to fix OP, just give her a way of helping you. Some tasks. I got mine to help me cook the eggs in the morning and she started cooking stuff for me and reminding me to eat and helping me gauge how much I have eaten that day and how much more I needed to eat. let her participate in this OP, give her some way of helping you beyond putting pressure on you and the pressure will go away. I mean she's probably be more than delighted to help you with little things to help you do this.
Above all though OP, don't stress it, really the only pressure that matters is that which you put on yourself and just let that go and find new ways and improved ways to get this done.
As far as exercise goes, trying isn't doing. So go enlist in a martial arts class of come sort, martial arts will teach you how to deal with stress better, it will make you more confident, it will make you fighting fit and it is a scheduled class so there's no way to be lazy about it like the gym. Apart from sex there is no better stress reliever in life than martial arts. So go enroll in a class.
It's not as hard as you think to do this OP, look how many people are struggling with opposite problem, yours is just as difficult but you will do it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks ceberus, i like your honesty, but as the first post said, this is putting me under lot of pressure.I work a minimum of eight hours a day, sometimes going up to 12 hours, 6 days a week, under heat and work stress. I am naturally thin, what most call an ectomorph.I have been trying to eat and exercise according to professional advice but seem to get nowhere which is the reason im under pressure. What if i can't change, for reasons out of my control??
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2011): OP according 4 out of 5 BMI calculators I've put your data into you're underweight and the 5th one you were just on the boundary, so yeah you are wrong and she is right and she's not being a bitch she just cares and wants you to get healthy. You see she can see your body and if you are underweight then you probably look unhealthy too.
You see that kind of detail matters because if you're unhappy with your body and/or unhealthy then it completely changes the situation and she could well be trying to help you.
I would never try and pressure my partner into gaining or losing weight unless A. she was depressed about her body or B. she was an unhealthy weight. You see in those circumstances it's perfectly acceptable to try and guide your partner into becoming more healthy and happy. You fall into the category of being unhealthily underweight so you need to do something about that.
Look OP you can pissed all you want about her doing this but if she has a point, then you don't, if you know what I mean.
I would move heaven and earth to protect my partner and if she was unhappy and/or unhealthy then I would push her into doing things to improve that.
OP have a nice long think to yourself and ask yourself if gaining weight is actually something you need to do, don't be one of these people that refuses just because she says you should if you really do need to. That's just spiteful and counterproductive. Now according to your BMI figures you do need to gain weight, you could use a little extra. I suggest you go to your doctor and ask them though, the internet isn't exactly the best place to go for health issues. Go to your doctor and I bet you 5 bucks they will tell you what your girlfriend has been telling you.
"what upsets me is that she isn't a perfect figure, and is actually unfit chubby type, yet i refused to counter her demand and ask her to lose weight not wanting to hurt her feelings" You want a medal for that? If she's fine with her figure and she's healthy then why would you bring it up anyway?
"Am i being too naive/lead by emotions, or are we not on the same page?" Yes you are OP, you seem to be underweight (go to your doctor and see what they say) OP I think you have the wrong idea about this. She's not being a bitch she's trying to be a good partner, this isn't a case of her trying to control you or make you miserable she's trying to help you improve your life and she has a point. So screw principle OP, according to almost all the data I've seen you are actually underweight and you could very well be messing with your body by not fixing that.
Your choice is this OP, let emotions rule you and stay underweight on principle or just to be "right" or bite the bullet go to your doctor and ask them what's best, then follow the advice of your doctor. I will say one thing though OP that your doctor will confirm. At your current weight even if it is borderline, if you get any kind of serious illness (touch wood you don't) you will be screwed because you have practically no fat reserves in your body to cope nor have much weight to lose before you suffer serious complications, my advice is go to your doctor and ask them how to healthily gain weight. Having a bit extra is very useful should you ever find yourself in the unfortunate circumstances of being caught by a serious illness. Underweight people find it exceptionally difficult to both fight illness and recover from illness. So in my non-professional opinion I think you think you should do something to safeguard against that. Go to your doc when you get the chance.
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male
reader, Dodds  +, writes (31 July 2011):
 No you arent being too naive or emotional about the whole thing,infact you showed a reasonable amount of restraint by not coming back at her about her weight
Getting in shape is an awesome thing,I used to be chubby,generaly carefree and non ambitious or passionate. Not until I was in a relationship with one particular ex who pushed me hard to better myself(we ended up separating over those issues but I appreciate her more for it at present than then)
I dont know why she wants you to gain weight(and is it actualy getting in shape or becoming fatter?)
From the much you have said does she want it so that she may feel better or more secure about herself? Its hard to really say
How about you challenge each other to gain and lose weight where applicable(but be subtle about it)
If it were me i'd suggest she support me on this endeavour by accompanying me to the gym and generaly working out,giving yourselves a chance to do stuff together
But if you are genuinely happy with yourself and the way you are...DONT CHANGE FOR ANYONE OR ANYTHING!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwhat upsets me is that she isn't a perfect figure, and is actually unfit chubby type, yet i refused to counter her demand and ask her to lose weight not wanting to hurt her feelings, but instead referred to how a person who loved another would see him/her as god/goddess no matter what.im a 5'6 120 lb figure, she's a bit shorter but as i said, more fat than average, not too fat though.Am i being too naive/lead by emotions, or are we not on the same page?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2011): That depends on whether you're unhealthily skinny or whether this is just her personal preference. For me, health reasons is fine the other not so good. But then again I did go from losing lots of fat to buffing up over the past few years so I can't really advise against it. Building a firm athletic figure is something that really is indescribable in terms of benefits, I won't bore you with them suffice to say every part of your life improves. I didn't do this for my girlfriend though in the sense that she demanded it and if she did I would have told to her to piss off and find a guy more to her tastes.
The way I see it is this OP, if she was really fat, would she appreciate the same kind of pressure from you to lose weight? I don't mean ask her that, she'd probably deny it, but think to yourself. I mean if she came here asking what to do about a boyfriend that was putting her under the same pressure to lose weight the women here would tear you an new asshole. You know? People would call you abusive, mean and generally think you're a horrible person for it. Well the same applies to her OP. If you're healthy and you're happy with your weight then you have no reason to change it.
If you don't want to change it and you're not going to then tell her straight out to drop the matter. If you're not willing to do it then don't do it but tell her you've had enough of her nagging and you don't want her bringing up the matter again as it's not up for discussion.
I know I said I wouldn't do this but screw it. I've been working out for years now, naturally and not to become a bodybuilder are go overboard. The benefits are insane. You get faster, stronger, better in bed, can do menial physical tasks with pretty much no effort, arduous tasks with minimum effort. You sleep better, you're happier, more virile, more confident and you look and feel excellent. Working out is better than any drug for the rush and high you get from it. You can jump higher, run further and for longer, and any physical sport or activity becomes exceptionally easy to pick up. Now individually those things may not be high on your list of life's priorities but put them all together and the effect of being in that kind of shape has on your mental well-being cannot be overstated.
Now you may be the kind of man that has never put much credence into physical prowess, perhaps you're cerebral by nature but there's no reason you can't be both. I honestly see no reason for any man or women to stop trying to improve themselves physically, mentally, emotionally and intellectually.
I'd actually recommend improving your strength and fitness. I'd recommend that to everyone, live a longer, happier, more satisfying life. What's not to like?
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male
reader, Dodds +, writes (29 July 2011):
First of all its not a matter of skinny vs non-skinny,about whether your compatible or not...but more to the end of what turns her on and what she finds attractive in you as her man
So dont adopt the mentality that she doesnt appreciate you or your current natural physique,rather more or less its her communicating to you what she finds appealing!
So you may chose to compromise with her on this one issue if you can live with being a bigger dude or put your foot down and deal with whatever comes next(but take note of women and the things they casualy say to you...LISTEN TO THEM,and it will make life easier)
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female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (29 July 2011):
 Have you been to a Doctor or some other health related professional to discuss your weight with? Do YOU feel you are underweight?
If you are naturally very thin, and not doing anything obsessive to stay so slim, then he needs to accept you just the way you are:)
Nagging someone to gain weight is just as bad as nagging someone to lose weight if it is not health related and just personal preference from a mate.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (29 July 2011):
At your age, you'll fill out eventually by yourself. My cousin is 27 and until recently he's been thin as a pin. He could eat whatever he wanted, he wouldn't gain weight. Right now he's gotten a bit broader in the shoulders and such but he's still very lean.
Your fiancee is probably pushing you to gain weight because she feels bad about her own figure. Simply tell her you like her just the way she is and that you'd appreciate it if she accepts you the way you look. I
f you really want to get a bit bigger (not fatter, mind you) you should increase the amount of protein in your diet and work out with weights. You'll gain muscle and this will fill you out.
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