A
female
age
18-21,
*ownBadatm
writes:Should I feel like a slut??Ok backstory, I (16/F) I met this guy (16/M) that was attractive and I wanted to get to know him. For a good week we would see each other every day and play basketball and exchange glances. At one point it was night and we were sitting and he kept asking for a bj. I kept saying “I wanna know more about you first” but he kept saying “you already know me cmon”. I don’t why but I gave in and did it anyway. It didn’t last long because about 3 minutes in, my dad popped up on us and I got I trouble. My dad gave me a lecture about how I need to be a smart young woman and not do things that could make me end up “a hoe”.I feel horrible and dumb. Ive never ever went down on a guy I just met. Should I feel like a slut? Because I do Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2021): After looking at the other answers, I feel much younger than my years.
You are not a slut. Teenage sexual experimentation is normal. Set goals for yourself, such as waiting until you are xx years old before you do certain things. If you fail at your goals, do not beat yourself up. Just reset and keep on trying.
Their are powerful hormones at work that will make you physically want, even if, in your mind, you know it is not good for you. The internet is full of stories of famous people, overcome by passion, that have made serious sexual mistakes. Athletes, politicians, religious leaders, etc., have become lustful beyond their control and it has been a disaster. If you slip up, you will not be the first.
Also, learn to protect yourself sexually. Even if you do not want to do it, you might be talked into it during an amorous moment. Don't let that dictate the next 20 years of your life or catch a disease that can be from an inconvenience to a life long illness.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2020): People judge you by the way you behave. If you behave like a slut you are a slut. Prisons are full of people who have been arrested and found guilty of crimes. They tell anyone who will listen that they are innocent because they only did it because of this or that. You did it. You behaved this way. The fact that you did not fancy this guy, did not know this guy and only did it to please him makes no difference, the fact that you were willing to do it to please him is the point.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2020): Well you're not out on the street selling yourself for money!The double standard means that boys will think they're the greatest thing on earth if you give one a bj and then they will tell everyone else you are a slut.This boy is bad news for you.He is too pushy.He just wants sex and he doesn't care how he gets it.He didn't listen to you because he just wants sex.If he comes after you begging for more then tell him it's all over.If he tells you how his dick is hard and wants to show it to you and pressure you to continue where you left up then tell him that's what his hand is for!Tell him your dad wants to talk to him man to man!Warn him that your dad is a very angry person who thinks that this lad is trying to get into your pants!This boy will leave you alone.Then you avoid him and his friends and remember that you have your whole life ahead of you and can do very nicely for yourself without him.If he tried the 'I can't live without you!' line then tell him to 'Cry me a river'! And walk away.Trying to pressure you into a sex act like that is very bad manners and he knows it.Sometimes guys get carried away with the need to get sexual experience with or without your consent.I've been hit on by very young horny guys who have clearly gone so blind that I have learned to make them think twice.Once when I feared rape by a desperate young man I told him it would look very bad in the newspapers and his friends would laugh at him because I was so 'ooooold!'As you are young you should use the opposite line and tell any overamorous would be stud that you are too young and they will get locked up for trying.This might bring them to their senses.Get smart about how to get away from guys who are after a quickie!If all else fails get a handbag with a brick in it and take a swing at them.If you give guys you are barely acquainted with a blow job on the street, then yes, you are behaving like a slut!If you are pressured into it, then it is a very fine line as to who is the slut!And be prepared to defend yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2020): P.S.
"Ive never ever went down on a guy [I just met.]"
Not sure what you meant by that?
At only 16, you shouldn't have a lot of experience doing it at all, young lady! Good thing your dad showed-up!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2020): Your father has handled this matter as a concerned-parent. He has your safety and well-being at heart, and he loves you. It takes a good-father to teach his daughter how to deal with boys; and sometimes dads get pretty upset, and will use very strong language to get the point across.
He was not slut-shaming you, he was admonishing you for giving-in to that knuckleheaded-boy so easily. You said you don't know why you did it? Well, after your dad intervened and gave you a good talking-to; you'll be more thoughtful before you act the next time!
That boy had no respect for you, to even ask you to do something like that out in public! You're not his girlfriend, and he didn't even treat you like he cared one-way or the other about your feelings. Telling you that you already knew him, like you were simple-minded! You aren't, so don't pretend to be to make some jerk like you!
Sweetheart, you should not feel ashamed or like a slut. You should have more respect for yourself; and not listen to boys like they're all smarter than you are! You're very young and made a big mistake that time! Now you know better! If any thing, you should feel fortunate that your dad caught you just in-time. The boy may have been the one to slut-shame you!
We are not here to second-guess parents, or advise in rebuttal to your father for scolding you! You are old enough to know how to conduct yourself; and your father had to be quite serious because sex was involved.
I think your dad has handled this issue sufficiently, and you should listen to him. He may have been harsh, but he was upset more with the boy than he was with you.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (26 December 2020):
 The good thing about life is as we grow and mature we have the benefit of hindsight. We have all done silly things when we were young, but with hindsight we can look back, recognise that we made a mistake, learn from these mistakes and know not to do this again.
Listen to your Dads advice, he is correct. Yes this boy might talk about this for a while, might even laugh about it with some friends, but in time it will all be forgotten about.
Have some selfworth, don't do things that you are not comfortable doing, and most importantly when someone pressures you into doing something learn to say NO and walk away.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (25 December 2020):
 I agree with your dad. I don't see you as a slut, but more as a foolish young girl desperate to please. This is not something you should define yourself by, but learn from.
The minute a guy asks for a blow job, or any other sexual favour, the conversation should be over. He was clearly not worried about offending you.
You don't have to storm off in a huff, or make a scene, but just say something like 'No, thanks' and calmly walk away. Do not respond to anything else he says, and don't try to reason with him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 December 2020):
 Should you feel like one?
I can't tell you HOW you should feel, but I can tell that you need to have a LOT more self-awareness and common sense.
If a boy can convince you to put your MOUTH on his penis after a week of "glances" and a “you already know me cmon” - then what's next?
You are 16! Is that the reputation you want in Highschool? and trust me, BOYS talk too.
Your dad is right, you need to be smarter. Because this time it was a BJ, next might not be. And the next time or guy might not user protection and then what? You could get pregnant, an STD or worse... Raped.
Giving a guy a blowjob is NOT going to make him want to get to know you, date you or even like you. It's going to make him think, this girl is easy to get to do sexual stuff with, I'm just going to keep pushing it.
It doesn't make you a hoe... per se. But it does make you a bit too naïve for getting into anything sexual.
Just because a guy ASKS for a BJ doesn't mean you OWE them one. Or anything else.
Chin up and do better for yourself next time.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (25 December 2020):
 The fact that you did not have the confidence to MEAN "no" when you SAID "no" makes me worry for your welfare. You should never do anything which makes you feel uncomfortable.
The fact you are giving blow jobs to lads when you are just 16 also makes me worry for your welfare.
Where is you mum in all this?
Your dad's lecture may have been a bit harsh, but he said what he said because he is concerned for you. You are in danger of getting a reputation and lads hitting on you because they know you will "perform" for them.
You need to realize you are worth better. You have more to offer than sexual favours for adolescent lads. Listen to your dad. He is trying to look out for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2020): Oh you poor kid my heart goes out to you.I am a mom and a grandma.No you are not a slut...You just made a wrong choice.It happens.Do not bully yourself over this..just learn from it.When my kids were teens I educated them on all this stuff.They told me everything...sometimes I wish I did not know it all..lol.I am glad they did though.Be careful and educate yourself on sex and std.You can get std from oral also.BJ are not safe without a condom.If you have a planned parenthood near you make an appt. You should at least see a gynecologist ask questions...Get a check up.Hippa laws mean they cannot tell your parents what you tell them.Ask those questions get real answers from the doctor.If people make fun of you for this hold your head high.This shall pass I promise.Remember a boy will say anything to get in your pants.If it ever comes to that get on birth control first and you both get checked for std at the doctor first.There are std that can kill you now so always make your partner get checked before you go there.Also always remember teen boys lie every time their mouth is open.fact.Never believe someone is clean always make them get checked.It will be ok.
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