A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi I broke up with my partner in June and moved out as he wouldn’t we are still on speaking terms and get on better now than we did we have 3 children it was my birthday last week and his family didn’t even get me a birthday card I still get on with them all so I let that go the problem is a member of his family is getting married next year If it goes ahead and my daughter is going to be a bridesmaid but i am now not invited so I won’t see my daughter being bridesmaid for the first time am I right to be annoyed my daughter is also saying if I don’t go she doesn’t want to go what should I do thank you
View related questions:
broke up, moved out, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2020): Your daughter was asked to be a bridesmaid, that has nothing to do with you, your ex, or your former-relationship.
The bride extended the honor to your daughter, I would assume prior to your breakup. It would be awkward to revoke the request based on what happened between you and your ex. Your daughter's invitation still stands.
What isn't clear is whether you were ever invited in the first place, or just assumed you should be invited because your daughter is a bridesmaid?
In all weddings, there are limits to the number of guests; and that's entirely up to the bride and groom, not the bridesmaids.
If the invitation for your attendance was intentionally withheld; you have to respect the wishes of the betrothed-couple, and not make a big deal of it. Even if you're on speaking terms with the family, you're not family. Most people breakup, and move on; and have little much to do with the ex's family. You're stirring-up drama, and that's even more reason they wouldn't want you at the wedding. Exes often start trouble, and that's the bride's special day.
You don't even mention the bride, and that would lead one to believe you're not that close; or she hardly even knows you. They obviously know your daughter.
Your daughter says she won't go if you can't go. My advice is to be gracious and not create drama and havoc to ruin the wedding. Let her fulfill her duty as a bridesmaid, and wish her well. You'll get pictures of the events and ceremony, and you'll see her in her dress.
Stuff happens, and the family doesn't have to give you a birthday card or invite you to the wedding. That's really up to the bride or groom. Post-breakup drama is awkward for friends and family of the ex; and it all should be kept strictly between you and your ex. Don't drag everybody else into it!
A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (26 December 2020):
 I think that you are going to have to be accepting of the fact that you are not in his family circle anymore. The fact that the did not get you a birthday card is irrelevant, you are not with their Son any longer so they really don't have to.
The main focus now should be regarding the children. I think it would be a bit strange if you still attended the wedding given the circumstances.
I would however, even tho you are not invited encourage your daughter to still be a bridesmaid as originally planned. I think she will still have an amazing day. I think if she dosen't go she may resent you a little further down the line. So be supporting and encouraging and tell her she will have a great time and you can both look at all the pictures after the event.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (25 December 2020):
 I think your daughter should be bridesmaid whether you're invited to the wedding or not. If she chooses not to, it should not be based on what you think or feel about it.
If this break up is fairly recent, then everyone will need some time to adjust and establish boundaries. His family and friends are not obligated to continue to acknowledge your birthday, or any other notable event in your life. People I know who are separated or divorced don't continue to do so, with few exceptions.
How you behave with people will help determine if your relationship with your boyfriend's family will be a good one or a bad one. Like I said, everyone needs time to figure out whether you all fit in to each other's lives.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 December 2020):
 EDIT..
It should be up to your daughter whether she wants to be a bridesmaid or not, she should DO it (or NOT do it) to please you.
Should have been:
It should be up to your daughter whether she wants to be a bridesmaid or not, she SHOULDNT DO it (or NOT do it) to please you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 December 2020):
You aren't a part of that family (in a sense) any more so it would be awkward to have you at the wedding.
It should be up to your daughter whether she wants to be a bridesmaid or not, she should DO it (or NOT do it) to please you.
I'm SURE your ex will be good enough to take some picture so you can see how pretty she looks.
You might as well realize that your daughter will do MANY things you won't be part off as she grows up. She will do all kind of events with her dad, from vacations, to family dinners, outings THAT you are not going to be invited to. THAT is what happens after a break up. Just like your daughter (and other two kids) will be doing things with you that your ex won't be there to see.
If I were you, I would take the high road here and support your daughter in being a bridesmaid, even if you aren't going to be there. I BET you she has been looking forward to that WAY more than you have to seeing her do that. Don't make her a PAWN. And don't create drama where it doesn't NEED to be. Act like a grown person, not some petty teenager!
So in short? Grow up and don't make your daughter miss out because YOU can't be there to see it. FFS!
...............................
|
