A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:In the next 7 week I will be at my due date with my first baby with my boyfriend. Over Christmas my brother fell out with my boyfriend, and my brother kept telling me to dump my boyfriend as he wasn't what I thought he was and I'd be better moving I'm with my parents and having my baby on my own. He wouldn't tell me why though. I tried talking to my boyfriend and he got really mad whenever I asked what their falling out was about. Then last week my brother came over and asked me not to hate him and showed me texts between him and my boyfriend from just before Christmas, and talking about a night out which they went on with together with mutual friends. The texts were saying things like how can you look her in the eye, she's pregnant and you do that, ect. My boyfriend mostly replied with things like stay out of my relationship, its my kid, and the one that really got my attention was one that said a drunken f**k isn't going to mess my girlfriend and kid up.My brother then explained that he saw my boyfriend kissing an ex and leaving with her, and that he then rang my brother the next day at 5am begging him to go get him. My boyfriend told me he had stayed at my brothers and I never thought anything of it. My brother was strange around my boyfriend but I'm about to be a mum and didn't think anything of it. I'm in shock that he cheated, my brother knew and neither told me. I told my brother to get out and to not ring me until I ring him. He said he was sorry and I believe him but I'm still mad.I think my boyfriend knows something is wrong, he is over the top with affection but I push him away. He rings constantly while he is at work. He keeps saying about the baby, asking me questions like how I'm doing, he's so proud of the baby and me, if I need anything. Seems nice but this isn't him. He's not affective at all and he never calls at work. A text once or twice but that's it. The thing is I'm so worried about what I need to ask, need to know and need to ask. I don't think I can forgive him but I grew up without a dad until I was 10 and I don't want that for my own child.He did seem sorry in the texts to my brother but I don't feel like it's good enough. I'm so confused and need help and advice.....please? I don't know if I should face this now or wait to avoid stress?
View related questions:
at work, christmas, drunk, kissing, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (31 January 2016):
 What a rotten spot to be in! I'm so sorry!
First off though, forgive your brother. I think he didn't tell you immediately because he wanted to protect you and also stick by this BFF - however he realized he couldn't do both and he KNEW you deserved to know the truth. So forgive him. He isn't the one who hurt you. Being mad at the "messenger" is not going to change the fact that your BF and soon-to-be baby-daddy cheated on you with his ex. Nor is it going to change that he hasn't told you, because he thinks if you don't know HE won't get in "trouble".
And honestly, HE HAS NO regrets. There is no remorse here. He will only REALLY be upset when he knows he has been found out. Because that will mean HE has to own his actions. Which again, I'm sure he won't - he will blame alcohol, you being pregnant, the EX begging, the lads goading him.... EVERYTHING except the truth. The truth is, he had a snog and sex with her, because he thought he could get away with it. He doesn't think you would leave, because he KNOWS your history of growing up with one parent, he knows YOU will forgive. And that in turn could very likely mean... HE would do it again and again.
I'm sorry - talk to your mom. Maybe go stay with her a while to think over the situation before you confront him. And confront him you WILL have to do at some point. You can't just sweep this under the rug, it will make you miserable long term.
I get that you want your child to have two parents - and the baby will. But staying with might not be the best thing for you long term and thus NOT the baby either. Not with a guy who doesn't treat you right.
I agree with Ciar, you don't have to RUSH to make a decision.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (31 January 2016):
 I feel terrible for you because this is possibly the worst time to go through this. However, remember that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel and you will get out of this. Don't tell your boyfriend anything yet but talk about your options with your parents and your brother. Trust me, your brother didn't do anything wrong, he was just torn and didn't know what to do because this is certainly not an easy situation to deal with.
There's no reason why "one drunken fuck" won't lead to another and more than that, your boyfriend plain and simple cheated on you and his unborn child. This man is not to be trusted and neither should he be given a second chance. Cheating is not forgivable.
I can imagine that it must seem like a nightmare to raise a child without the father but just think, would you rather have your child be brought up by a man who cheated on you when the child wasn't even born? What does that tell you about this man, his morals, his character and his integrity? Is this how a father should be?
Once you and your parents reach a decision on what is to be done, move in with them and be prepared to raise your baby yourself. Believe me OP, one single, happy parent is much better than two unhappy, squabbling ones.
All the best to you
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2016): Hi, I've been in that position, when I was 7 months pregnant my boyfriend cheated on me but he told me and looked absolutely devastated about it. I forgave him because I knew he was sorry. His dad had died about the time I got pregnant and I know he was having a bad time. People do stupid things when they are scared.Do you think that he did this because he is worried about being a father? Nobody can tell you what to do and nobody knows if he is truly sorry, you have to go with your gut instincts on that.As for growing up without a father sometimes it's a hell of a lot more damaging for children to see their parents go through emotional stress or arguments. If you stayed with him do you think you wouldn't argue about this? Everybody has arguments from time to time but is this argument going to cause you a crazy amount of stress?Children need loving parents and sometimes it is better being apart than together in a really stressful situation. On the other hand if this has made him buck up his ideas and he's being a lot nicer to you then that somehow shows he is trying to become a better person. If he's supportive right now, accept that, put the romantic relationship on hold and just accept him being kind to you while you have the baby.I would forget about him cheating for now and concentrate on getting ready for the baby and making yourself feel better. Agree to talk about all of this in a few month time and ask him how he honestly feels then. You need to ask him why he did this.I gave my boyfriend the option of leaving me. It's pointless being with somebody for the sake of the child because that child needs to live in a home where everybody feels loved. If he wants to make it up to you then I think he should make an effort to cut back on going out socialising until you both decide what you want in life.All the best, don't feel sad, you will have a child who will love you unconditionally and if it doesn't work out between the both of you at least you have something positive that has come out of this relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (31 January 2016):
 No rush to deal with this now. In fact I think it would do your relationship some good for your boyfriend to be kept on his toes for a bit. He's already far more attentive than he would be had this not happened.And the sooner you confront him the sooner he can start making excuses.Also, I wouldn't blame your brother. He was just as tied up in knots as you are. It's your relationship and YOU aren't sure what to do and when. He felt the same but his loyalty was clearly you. Give yourself time to consider your options.
...............................
|
