A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So my wife and I have been friends with another couple for years. Got along great, no issues. They moved away a few years ago and recently came to visit. It was like they never left, just amazing friendship.All four of us are relatively young and in good shape. A couple of times we have hung out and gotten drunk...had a good time land laughed. We once even played strip poker (all four of us) kind of a guy vs girl thing. We got down to our bare essentials (undies) at the end of it.We have been to a cabin, just the four of us; nothing has ever happened, but when we get drunk there is a lot of laughing and touching involved. I guess you could even say flirting. We are going on a cruise in a few weeks, just the four of us.For some reason, i feel like one of these times we get drunk it may lead to more than just flirting. How do i discuss this with my wife? Do i even discuss it or just go with the flow? I dont want to come across as crazy for even having the discussion but at the same time; if something happens, i would like to know what her limits are and for her to know what mine are...Im not necessarily opposed to something happening because I know none of us would cross the line anyone else sets; and it has been a fantasy of mine to try a three/foursome. So if it were to happen with anyone, i prefer it be with people i trust. There is always the chance of ruining the friendship we have if someone gets jealous or hurt but from past experience it has never seemed like anyone was uncomfortable with how we are.Any thoughts?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2015): One day, people will realize that marriage is a monogamous and committed relationship. It certainly became a big issue when gays decided they wanted to marry. Suddenly it becomes between one man and one woman, and a "sacred" institution.
In reality, it seems it's just what you do before you get a divorce, or something that gets in the way when you want to
have casual sex with a stranger. You certainly don't have to do it before you have kids; and "just not feeling happy" is considered a valid reason not to compromise, resolve issues, or work at keeping it going.
Marriage IS forsaking others, to be with one woman, or one man, you have chosen as your mate for life. It's not an open-relationship where you get to party-boink her friends with her permission. It's building trust, sharing all you have, and looking forward to growing old together; after working at it from the day you said "I do!"
It is only a matter of time before you're cheating on your wife; because one woman isn't enough for you. Even entertaining the thought is an indication you married her for all the wrong reasons and/or you lack the maturity to maintain what you got yourself into.
If you love her, honor the vows you took to make her your wife. You're off the market, and other women are sexually off-limits. Maybe she should be looking into finding your replacement. You married way too young, if you think like you do.
A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (10 November 2015):
 Besides what others have said, there is also a principled issue about marriage and swinging and that is: why would you take marriage vows of monogamy to your wife only to pawn her off onto some dude? What's the point of being married if other men get to take a whack at your woman? You could do that without marriage.
Not to mention that you should also be careful what you wish for. I know a man who kept carping at his woman to do am FFM so finally she surprised him and while the other girl was going down on his woman, he said that, when he saw that, he felt so disgusted and violated that he picked up his clothes and ran away from both women. And he wasn't even married to that woman.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2015): Thanks. Its the reality check I needed. It never crossed my mind about his equipment size. (So size DOES matter huh ladies?). I mean, I am not too concerned with that particular issue...but he may be better in one aspect or another I assume. Whether it be penis size or tongue skill, dirty talk, i guess everyone has their strengths and weaknesses.I dont think i would ever tell her if her friend were "tighter" than her; but i see where i may subconsciously show i enjoyed parts of her that my wife may lack in.All in all you are right. Too many unknown variables and for what? One experience that may not even live up to the fantasy. Thanks for not telling me i am a jerk for even having this unusual fantasy. I do love my wife and wouldnt risk what we have for a crazy scenario in my head that perhaps is just that...crazy.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (10 November 2015):
 I cannot agree with the other aunts and uncles strongly enough. This is one of those things that if you truly love your wife and value your marriage you will leave this as some dirty little fantasy, never to see the light of day.
Swinging just doesn't work for most people.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (10 November 2015):
 Let me "pile-on"...... Taking YOUR fantasy to reality has a high risk of backfiring on you.....
This is one of life's "What ifs...." that it's best to never know.......
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 November 2015):
 I think if you want a happy and healthy marriage... you keep this fantasy to yourself.
There is a HUGE difference from fantasy to reality.
And while your wife, yourself and the other couple have great fun, flirtation and banter doesn't mean it would be wise to take it further.
To put it bluntly, PEOPLE don't F*** friends.
Think about it. The trust you have with your wife, and the other couple and the trust THEY have between them and you two can be shattered over a fantasy.
Let's say (for argument's sake) that the other guy is hung like a horse or have some positively occult skills with his tongue or fingers, making your wife moan in ways you have never heard. How long do you think it would be before you start regretting the whole group sex thing? How long till you start feeling YOU are good enough in bed? That maybe... your wife rather have sex with him?
Or that your friend's wife has a better body than your wife or is "tighter" than her, or enjoys anal where you wife doesn't.. or she is absolutely bendable... and all of a sudden you wife think that YOU suggested the group sex because YOU rather be with the other woman. That SHE (your wife) isn't good enough. Maybe SHE (your wife or his) doesn't LIKE the idea of sharing their spouse with someone else in THAT manner, or themselves. How would you feel if your wife agreed to it, to PLEASE you - but she REALLY didn't want to do it? If she felt cheapened by it?
Or the other dude meet up with YOUR wife behind your back and neither of them see anything wrong in that.
There are SO many scenarios where it can go wrong. Once it's "out there" once that fantasy is spoken about, it's easy to say that it CAN be the beginning of the end for not only your marriage but the friendship too.
Not only that... but think about what it opens your marriage up to. First it's sex with another couple, then what? At some point you will want to try another fantasy...
Why not ENJOY the fantasy (in your head) your marriage (as it is) and the friendship (for what is it)? Why risk ruining all 3?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2015): Thanks. I am not going to lie and do fantasize about it; but it is no where near worth losing what I have with her.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 November 2015):
 Swinging ruined my last marriage. In fact, my ex and I talked about it over the weekend...
I would stop getting drunk with friends and hoping it happens... it will probably be the beginning of the end of your marriage.
IT takes very special very strong people to be in the lifestyle. Except for 2 marriages I know of every other marriage i have ever seen has been destroyed by being in the lifestyle... if you value your wife and the life you have with her, just say NO.
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