A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Don't know if anyone else can get their head around this because I can't...I was going out with a girl for 7 years. We got on so well, really knew each other, and had got to the stage that we could openly talk about anything. She even brought up marriage, just a month ago.22 days ago...she tells me it's over. I've since been told she's having a torrid affair with some guy I don't even know. Also that he blanks her, and even physically threatened her, and humiliated her in public.WTF? What gives?According to one of her friends, she's absolutely obsessed with him. According to another, I should 'step in' and sort this guy out. But I'm thinking, why should I? She's ended it for THAT sort of abuse? Honestly, my head is reeling.Anyway, I'd like to just distance myself from anything to do with her, but it hurts like hell. I'm not a clingy person, I have never been overbearing (and she once told she loved me just for that) - but, all of a sudden, she's flinging herself at a guy who treats her like dirt, laughs at her, and I'm a completely distant memory - what gives??Should I even try to begin to understand? Very confused...any advice welcome...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2009): I understand how you feel having been in a similar situation. Being in a relationship for seven years and finishing it is very hard. Then to hear or see them with someone else, especially someone who sounds like a jerk, is ever harder.There are a lot of things from the situation that don't really add up. It's not even worth trying to figure out the rationality or logic of the situation. Just step back from it. You won't stop caring, and the whole thing will hurt, but you seem like a strong person. And a nice one too :)
A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents  +, writes (25 September 2009):
 Ok, the thing that seems funny to me about this is why you have been together for seven years and ONLY NOW she brings up marriage! Someone that honestly loves you and wants to be with you (especially a woman - although as a woman I do have no othere reference point)... but, especially a woman I would think.... would be entertaining the marriage or together-forever thoughts way earlier on into a relationship with a guy she really likes, not seven years into it! That's the first thing that I sense is wrong with your relationship.
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (25 September 2009):
Wow. You must be very hurt and very heartbroken. No I don't think you should try to understand - not now anyway. I think you should take care of yourself. Her obsession is her problem. Let her friends and family "step in". She will tire of this man's abuse, she will miss your kindness, and she will realize that she lost her mind. Then you can decide if you are willing to take her back or not. In the meantime, and this time is mean, you need to just forget about her and take care of you.
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