A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I posted this yesterday and got 2 replies I am so thankful for. But I need more advise from our dear aunts. I am still confused...How should I turn down my ex without with grace?Here's the background. I have realized now he has played with my feelings ever since he broke up with me 6 months ago after I found out he cheated. I admit I am a fool as a month after that I contacted him again out of loneliness and he ignored me and treated me with disrespect on text, not that he calls me names but his responses were one-liners like I was some crazy girl. He never does that during our relationship so I know he was being rude to me.Somehow, he calms down a bit after a week or two and he intinitates contact then when I reply, he wont reply back. Then later he tells me, he broke up with the new girl. He begs me to see him and as I still love him, I did. We almost got back but within the week he changes his mind and tells me to leave him alone. I follow his wishes, then he contacts me again.The fool that I am, each time he contacts me..I reply so fast..then he wont reply back. So I made a decision to stop this. I can't be used like this forever. He is abusing my feelings and my kindness. I am doing good now and is much stronger but here he goes again...yesterday he was calling me but I didn't pick up the phone.What should I do? I feel I dont' want him as much anymore but there is still these little feelings for him. I think we will be better off as friends. But he was so good in ignoring me, and he never cared if I cry with blood. But I wont feel good either if I just do what he did to me. I generally don't want to hurt people's feelings. Even friends who have been mean to me, I always treat them with kindness. I don't want to live knowing that someone is upset with me or has feelings of hatred on me.I don't know how to deal with this. Pls advise..thanks
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broke up, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGuys, thanks so much for your opinions and advises.
Really, if you only know...this site has helped me a lot while going through this stage in my life. I have to admit, people like you have unknowingly made me open up my eyes to the naked truth. And with this, I can make decisions that are right.
Really appreciate it. Thanks again.
A
female
reader, Georgia13 +, writes (25 September 2009):
 this guy seems like a jerk, but if u care about him at all you should give him the respect of telling him straight even though he doesnt give you muc h respect
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (25 September 2009):
That's lovely that you don't want to hurt anyone, but darlin' you don't want to be a doormat either. Sometimes treating people the way they treated you isn't a bad thing... it might give them a clue to how they have made you feel.
I think perhaps you should let him stew for a day or two. then you can honestly explain, calmly and kindly, that while you cared about him so very much, he abused your feelings and your kindness. It hurt you when he ignored you and now you have tired of not being treated as you deserve to be and you are finished. You would like to move on and you would like him to do the same. Best wishes. Be well. Adios. Goodbye.
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A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents +, writes (25 September 2009):
 Be who you are and follow your heart and tell him straight out, instead of ignoring him. Despite the fact that what he deserves is your complete ignorance. Stay true to yourself, and treat him the way your gut is telling you to, and then move on. Simpler said than done, but good luck!
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A
female
reader, tk170  +, writes (24 September 2009):
To be honest, i don't feel that this man would be upset if you were to 'hurt his feelings' because he doesn't seem to have any? He is clearly a user and what you need to do, is give a girl friend your cell phone/ and or delete his number and give yourself a week/day/month to not have ANY contact with this selfish monster of a man. I would strongly advise as many nights out with other friends, shopping trips, blind dates, internet dating, new hobbies you can find to take your mind completely off this situation and let this man go mess with some other girl who will not be as strong as you!!!
Good luck.
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