A
female
age
51-59,
*anelliliz
writes:Should I end this long-term relationshipMy boyfriend of 13 years has a camp on the water where he lives all summer. He has a boat as well and when he goes out on it he always goes to this abandoned state park beach where anybody and everybody go to drink on their boats. Last night he called me up and was really drunk and told me that's where he had been. To me, it's like he's going to a bar every night. Our relationship has had its rocky moments in the past three or four years it seems. When you've ben together that long I think it happens even if you don't live together. Arguments over how we parent or if I have to do something for my son on my free weekend with him and he gets really irritated or I might think his kids are taking advantage of him. In addition, my bf has always been one to look at other women everywhere we go. If it was one glance and that was it, you know, it wouldn't be a big deal, but he just keeps doing like he can't help himself. It's rude so we've had arguments over that. I get so I don't want to go anywhere with him because he is so obvious. I can look at men as I have told him without making it so apparent. Other issues we've had are him telling me several times when we are arguing about something else that he doesn't like the perennial garden I planted at camp, how he likes grass and he's going to dig it up, doesn't like the color of the bedroom wall or the bathroom I painted. He redid his kitchen using a color scheme I picked out then he changes it a bit and tells me my way was fucked up. Then he is mad beacause I don't complement him on it. He dosn't like the cheap frames I used to put up his family pics on wall. He helped me put them up. So at this point he still wants me to help him and I tell why would I as you don't like what I do here. We spend every other weekend together as that is when we are both free because we have our kids on the other weekends. I will go to his place to stay which n the summer is his camp. He also comes and stays at my place every other night during the week. His good qualities are that he always treats me and I never pay for food or drinks. To give some background on this, last year his brother and wife who we don't see very often were in town and wanted to come up to camp for a drink. My bf didn't have his kids that day so he is just going to head to camp and doesn't even ask if I want to come see them. Then realizing that they don't have time to go up there, I suggest we go downtown to meet them for a one drink. My bf doesn't want to do that either because he just wants to go to camp. Prior to this on Father's Day my bf's kids got mad at him and went home early on a Saturday and bf went to the beach and really got drunk to the point he shouldn't have been driving a boat. Of course he didn't want to hang around with me as I had my son with me that weekend even though he did stop in to tell me about it. Anyways, he stayed there until almost nine o'clock. (He enjoys his beer to say the least and drinks beer with higher alcohol content(Blue Moon,etc.) It's like a flavor of the night for him most of this spring, I've noticed.) So after that he knew it bothered me that he went there and told me he wasn't going over there. Last weekend he had his kids and I asked if he went over there and he said; "Of course, we went over. Get used to it."
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female
reader, vanelliliz +, writes (22 June 2012):
vanelliliz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCan you please tell me, Katall, if I am wrong to be bothered by the fact that he has to hang at the beach every time he goes out in his boat? He doesn't make comments when he looks at other women, but because I know how much he does look I can just imagine what he is doing when he is there alone.
A
female
reader, kata1l +, writes (22 June 2012):
Everygody "looks" at people they find attractive. But considerate respectful people do it in a way that is not obvious-and only for a few seconds. Gaping or making comments is damaging to the relationship, as well as immature, and on some level he has to know this. And do not feel it has anything to do with you. A man that would do such as that could be with the supermodel of the year and still look and make comments about other women. Very uncouth. You deserve better. I hope you get it.
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A
female
reader, vanelliliz +, writes (22 June 2012):
vanelliliz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for responding, Katall. I have imagined years
ahead with him during our bad spots throughout the relationship. Problem drinker, yes. If we are going out to have drinks, jhe has to drink like two or three beers before he goes or we go to a concert or just anywhere he likes me to drive so he can drink. It's not his drinking per se that bothers about the beach thing, but rather what is so fascinating about going there. As I mentioned how he looks at other women.
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A
female
reader, kata1l +, writes (22 June 2012):
Oh my gosh. He criticizes and disrespects you, and doesn't sound like he appreciates things that you do, (I would be thrilled if someone made the effort to frame my pictures), and is well on the way to being if not an actual alcoholic, at least a problem drinker. Some men will try to control you by complaining and criticizing. Fast forward 10 years-is this relationship going to bring you peace and happiness in the future? If not, why keep investing in it?
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