A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:When I first met him I knew he didn’t have a job or a high school education but I convinced myself that it would change and he would mature. It’s been 5 years now and he still has neither. We have been living together for the past 5 months and his name is on the lease (at the time he had a good job and his income helped win over the landlord). He lost his job of 4 months and I’m struggling to pay the bills and go to school. Every since we have been together he hasn’t kept a job for more than 5 months at a time. He either quits them or gets fired. He contributes food stamps now but that’s not paying the rent. I make it a habit to check his email daily to see if he applied for any jobs and I always find it empty. Then when I come home from work or school he’s usually chatting with some girl on Facebook. When I bring the issue up to him, he says that I’m nagging and I just like to complain. Am I being irrational for feeling this way? I’m stuck because I don’t know whether to be stern and firm or loving and supportive. I am hesitant with being nice about this situation because I see men in my family take advantage of women this way. I am also worried because he lost his job when he was living with his father and it took him over a year to find another one (by that time his dad put him out).My boyfriend also says that I just want a man with money and he’s not that. He feels that love is the only thing that matters and he sometimes refers to me as a gold-digger (even though I’m not because I take care of myself and he doesn’t have anything in the first place!). I have burned my bridges with my parents and can’t move back home but I’m considering moving out if he doesn’t have a job when the lease is up. Am I wrong for not hanging in there? I’m just getting tired of this same routine because we have been together this long and there’s no progress . It seems like we keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again and I just want to be happy. I even feel depressed sometimes because I’m a young woman that hasn’t enjoyed life yet. I just feel like I had so much potential but I wasted it to be with someone who I thought had a promising future too. I have another question, is it true that birds of a feather flock together? The reason I’m asking is every since I’ve been with him my life has been going downhill. I no longer have a close relationship with my friends or family, I don’t have transportation anymore (car broke down), I’m always broke, and I’m starting to fail in school. Please give me some advice!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy boyfriend and I names are both on the apartment lease. So techinally he can't put me out and I can't put him out. Thanks for the advice and sorry for not clarifying that in the original post.
A
female
reader, Mature Lady  +, writes (11 July 2011):
I cannot not see your relationship going anywhere,your boyfriend I feel is not going to change he seems quite prepared to live off of you,my advice is for you to move on and get on with your life,why should you have all this worry that is making you depressed it will not be too long until it affects your studies too,you are young and need to enjoy life,my concern is though that you state it is his name that is on the lease of the house if it is only his then he could put you out at any time,but again if your rent was not getting paid it is him they will come down on if it is only his name on it.
I wish you good luck in whatever you decide,but I certainly would not be with him unless he decides to change
and as I SAID i just cannot see that happening.
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