A
male
age
30-35,
*teelpicker
writes:This is a silly question maybe.I am 21 years old in uni never had a proper relationship (had a very brief one once, but...). Been looking at myself and thinking about what I have or don't have...So looking at bad, the only thing is, a big thing in a way is that I am overweight. I am working to change that and have been fairly successful so far. BUT it isn't going to something that sees major changes over a short time so I need to look at other things.Positive sides - personality i guess- caring- intelligent- kind- loyal- generous- willing to put others first- learning to increase confidence- wants to know someone before having a relationshipIt's stupid to ask in a way, but a couple of people have said I have so much positive it more than overcomes the negative. I am starting to believe that.So 2 questions: am I right about that?andfor any in particular female members: Is my list considered "datable"? (I do know that that is stupid, and that people differ)So, what besides losing weight and being more confident in myself can I do to help improve myself, and improve the chances of both meeting someone worthwhile and attracting them?
View related questions:
confidence, overweight Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2011): " - wants to know someone before having a relationship"
Some girls might tell you this is a positive but it's not always. It's okay not to want a relationship quickly. But it is big trouble if you try to get to know a girl just as a "friend" for too long before introducing any romantic intentions.
If you get to know girls first without giving off any sexual vibes then they will put you in the Friend Zone. They will go fuck some other guy they barely know because he hit on them quickly and they want to keep him interested. You need to be trying to get into their pants WHILE you are getting to know them better, not after you know them better.
A
male
reader, steelpicker +, writes (10 July 2011):
steelpicker is verified as being by the original poster of the question And I suppose I am quite insecure. It's an area I am working on. It's not just when it comes to relationships.
...............................
A
male
reader, steelpicker +, writes (10 July 2011):
steelpicker is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn all honesty
yes, I am shy.
I have anxiety problems, and am recovering from depression.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2011): To your first question, yes your list is something girls would go for but its a list that entices the girl to get to know you first so you would have to become friends with a girl for a while before making the move.I'm glad your making changes because this is the real world. I'd love to sit here in an ideal world and say 'yes girls will fall for you at the drop of a hat' but that isn't what women of today are about.In order to get a women to notice you, you have to feel good about yourself first.Us women love to have guy friends so that part isn't a problem, its getting them to see you in a different light further down the line.You sound like a very warm hearted person who will have no problem attracting the women eventually but you must be patient...its important not to seem desperate.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 July 2011):
 Oooh, I love evaluations when you're publicly allowed to do them without being pinned down as judgmental. I also pride myself with being a people knower, after decades of observing human interaction. I'll see if I can hit the nail on the head with you.
After reading your list I miss the other half of it. What are your negatives? You just mentioned being over weight, but come on. Do you know yourself? Are you seriously such a wonderful person that your only flaw is being overweight? Insight, insight into yourself is what you need. And a realistic point of view. Be honest with yourself first and foremost.
Perhaps a list of negatives will help you point out why you aren't attracting the ladies yet (or the ladies you want in particular). We can't really tell you what your negatives are. Typically though, negatives has to do with personality, and never about looks. Nice people aren't shallow, and as long as you look within the range of normal, wash regularly and have good hygiene, cover the basic needs so to speak, looks matter very little. In the long run as well looks matter little. Any mature person will read the book and then judge, not simply judge by the cover.
Personality is alpha and omega. So in that sense, you are right, your positives outweigh your negatives, if being overweight is your only negative.
However I suspect your negatives also include: being shy, lacking confidence, not being courageous, not taking chances, or plain and simple being too nice. If you're too nice you start to believe that you can't make a pass as a woman "in case she'll be offended" or "I'll only disturb her and make her feel awkward". If this is the case, this is a fake nice, as it is only used to cover up fear. Fear of rejection.
You can't win something unless you place some bets and risk losing.
You also talk about what you can do to attract women. You don't. You don't sit around looking attractive, you don't wait for them to come to you. You hunt them down, thats what you do. YOU need to see if you see a woman YOU like. Then you approach her. Sitting around seeing if anyone will be attracted to you means you wont do a thing, she wont know you're interested, you wont make moves, and she'll leave and find someone else.
I'll give you an example I love to use, that of my good friend. She thinks of herself as elite. Maybe she is. She's addicted to working out and as a result has some of the most fit bodies out there, looks gorgeous, is smart, got a great education, has goals, is charming and funny, caring, friendly, whole package. Sure, she can be a pain in the ass, but that's not the point. The point is she was single for years and years simply because of ONE reason: she didn't make the moves. She'd still be single to this day if it wasn't for me playing wingwoman and literally telling a guy to ask for her number and then forced her out on a date with him. She's now happy as can be.
Negative sides in total can make you lose a person once you have gotten them. But in her case, as I suspect is also your case, there was only ONE side that prevented a relationship from happening: not making the moves. If that is a negative or not you can decide, to me it is a negative. It's a negative because it prevents you from meeting someone you can have a relationship with.
As soon as you get a relationship, only then starts the real challenge of how to keep them around, and only then does all of your negatives and positives come into full play.
...............................
|
