A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A friend of mine has been with her boyfriend for a long time. She loves him and he loves her. They have issues though. I've told her they will never change because he is unwilling to change the drinking addiction he has. He is also unemployed and isn't looking for a job on a persistant basis. A few months ago, a younger guy that I've known for a long time took interest in her. He is employed and one of those sweet, cute, nice guys that everyone wants to date but not get serious with. So every time he comes to our office for a delivery she just "lights up"! Should I encourage her to keep her options open or just stay out of it? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (9 September 2009):
 Drinking is a terrible addiction. No one can be happy when they drink and your friend's boyfriend needs help.
He's not looking for a job because he's drinking. And he's never going to be able to attract employment if he has alcohol on his breath.
Ordinarily I would say try and save a relationship when possible, but alcohol and substance abuse require a different plan of attack than the usual problems.
If the boyfriend can't stop drinking, then she needs to show him the door. He has to want to stop and he has to recognize he has a problem and get help for it. Absent that, keeping an unemployed drunk in the home will only make her unhappy.
As far as the delivery guy, forcing her to get involved with another man while her home life is in turmoil, is only encouraging an affair, not a solution.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (9 September 2009):
 Stay out of it. She is an adult, and if she has not made the decision to help herself, the root cause that makes her stay with her current guy, are still going to be there. She will likely end up with another guy who has similar problems, no matter who she dates in the in term.
Furthermore, if you do manage to break them up, they likely will get back together, and then she will resent you for wrecking her life.
Did you also consider that the nice guy might resent you as well for setting him up with a woman that might be emotionally damaged from this relationship?
Only help those people that are asking for help. Otherwise stay out of it, as the people who "need" the help, might not be ready to be helped.
-Frank Kermit
http://www.franktalks.com
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (9 September 2009):
As her mate you should encourage her to dump her guy. Yes.
But giving her a new boyfriend so soon is too much. Jumping from one relationship to another is never a good option.
Get her single and happy in herself and THEN suggest to this guy that he might like to ask her out.
Good Luck!! xx
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