A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:HiI am 17 and have been with my boyfriend for a few months.When I originally started to go out with my boyfriend, i had no intention of being with him for this long. In fact, I was drunk when I first got with him, and in a low mood and I intended him to be a one night thing, if I even thought about it that much.The thing is, he has now fallen head over heels in love with me, and I'm not with him - but I am with my teacher. I know it sounds stupid, but me and this teacher have been going on like this for nearly a year now. Although we have not touched each other, when I am at school I spend nearly all of my time with him. I even skive lessons to sit with him, and I'll sometimes stay back talking for a couple of hours on a night time as well. I have his email address and email him when Im not at school. He is my best friend, and I think I may end up with him in the future, regardless of mine and his earlier attempts to stop this. He gets very unhappy about seeing me and my boyfriend around the school and does not want me to be with him, though he isn't selfish enough to complain outrightly. I feel as though the situation with my teacher has come to a point where everythings about to boil over. Im not sure how much longer i can go on with this situation as it is.As well as the general stress of my relationship with my teacher, I fret over the effect it has on my boyfriend. I do still care about him very much and even still have some romantic feelings for him, and I feel it is unfair on him to be dragged into this situation - particularly with the depth of his feelings for me (he literally cannot bear to be parted from me). There are times, for example, when I will be sitting with my teacher, my boyfriend will be phoning me and i wont want to leave the teacher to go and see him - my teacher then knows this, and obviously quite likes the fact id rather sit with him then be with my bf - this makes me feel TERRIBLE.I can't stand the thought of breaking up with him because he will be so hurt - also what if he finds out about me and the teacher? He mentioned by chance the other day that if i left him for a teacher he would be 'traumatised for the rest of his life'!I just don't know if I should carry on the way things are seeing my boyfriend and trying to remain the way things are with the teacher, if I should dump my boyfriend, confront my teacher about us, or what, I just knows things are so unfair on my boyfriend but also that i cannot forget this man, though i have tried.Please help me!x
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey,
Yes, I know that's what it sounds like - I don't blame you for forming that impression of me, that's probably what I would think, and there's probably some elements of truth to your analysis of the situation.
I naievly kind of thought that if i got a boyfriend, id forget about my teacher, cause ive had advice that has insinuated that in the past... and i had in the past liked my boyfriend before everything with my teacher. Of course my idea didn't work, and before i knew where i was my boyfriend was talking of marriage and kids (!) and my friendship/relationship with my teacher had intensified.
But yes, I accept I have led my bf on, though I DO care about him, I am just a coward and i don't want him to know there's anything wrong. but I think I know I have to come clean and soon.
Thankyou for the info about the sexual offences act, I actually haven't seen it properly written down, though I truly don't believe this man is a paedophile.
thanks for all your advice
x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2008): If you care about your teacher do not email him or stay after school privately with him anymore. Even if nothing happens between you two people will still get suspicious and it could end his career. Chances are he has been this way with other students. You are young and impressionable, he is a figure of trust, he's meant to be like a parent to help guide you on your way. Being intimate with a teacher would be like being intimate with a relative. He is in a position of power and greatly taking advantage of the situation. I'd ask around your class to see if he's like this with other girls, it may be a pattern. He may be a pedophile. If this teacher is someone special wait until you're 18 because if anyone finds out you had anything going with him before you were considered an adult they would revoke his right to teach, take his license, away, and put him on a predator's list.
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A
male
reader, saltwater +, writes (23 July 2008):
 Everything Spirit Of Iona says.
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