A
female
age
30-35,
*abyparis
writes: I have a bf who I love to pieces... but I still talk to all of my ex's, I think it kinds of bother him in a way... he brung it up before but I told him it nothing to worry about. I have never cheated in any of my relationships. I really dont have a lot of friend but 85% of them are males... I allow my bf to have females cause I know where I stand but while he's been away I've been spending more time on the phone/texting and linking up with them. I dont want him to think the wrong things I always let him know where Im going and who with so he dont the wrong impression... I dnt think my male friends bother him so much as my ex's...Should I stop contacting my ex's (only time to time)?Should I drop all my male friends?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2012): I posted previously........ Thanks for giving us update. Yes he should cut contact with his exes too. There cant be one rule for him and one rule for you. He cant expect u to put up with his ex's if he cant put up with yours! Thats obvious. You both must cut contact with ex's and keep on friends with either male/female u dont think you'll develop feelings with. Well done on making the break away. I know its tough but please please please resist temptation to text them even when something that happens that reminds u of them coz that would be a slippery slope. At the beginning u may think of them- but after a while u forgot and from past experience -u stop caring and allows u more time and space to care about the person u are with more.
In regard to the im bored i have 6 friends. Hello thats what most people have (2-4 close friends so uv alot!)..... and heres a thought.. the extra time u have spare now- why dont u take up a new hobby( have some you time on your own) or spend more time with your boyfriend. Thats where you too will get close and your relationship will become stronger and develop!
Hope its helpful and Best of luck....
A
female
reader, babyparis +, writes (27 January 2012):
babyparis is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for all you guys answers,
My thing is he knew I dont get alone with female and I meet him threw a male friend. I hung around them 24/7...
I cut all my ex's off and kept all my male friends and I am sooo bored now I have 2 male friends and 4 female friends.
My bf still has a couple of his ex's in his contacts, should I tell him to delete them?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2012): I agree with all the other posters here. ALMOST ALWAYS keeping in contact with an ex-bf is BAD news. It could lead to something really wrong, or just as minor as talking about the past which will bring up memories of what happened and that's not fair to your current bf. Also, if your current bf is uncomfortable with you keeping in contact with your ex's then you are just ruining what you might have with your current bf. As for male friends, as long as they're not 'too close' like changing in front of each other or something, I think it's fine. My wife has 2 really good male friends and it's fine with me. The one guy is very male (like me) and my wife is almost one of the boys when she's with him. The other guy is a little girly (I think gay, but not sure), and he's like one of the girls when he's with my wife. My wife and set boundaries for opposite sex friends. Like she can't go out dancing or clubbing with them unless I'm there also. Also, no romantic candlelight dinners. But other things are fine with male friends.Talk to your boyfriend, tell him you're going to cut contact with all you ex=bf's. Then DO it. As for your male friends, have a talk with your bf about what is OK with him, and come to a compromise. Maybe he just wants to be told before you 'hang out' with a guy. Maybe he just doesn't want you to stay out all night, but if you're home at a reasonable time it's fine. The two of you need to talk it out and compromise and I think your relationship will work it out. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (27 January 2012):
 Male friends are okay. Logically, exe's shouldnt be in contact with you unless you two have a child together. Make sure to go over rules and boundaries together about male/female friends so each knows what they can and cannot do with them while the other isnt present.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2012): Keep the male friends. Cut most of your contact with the exes.
By the way, in this case an "ex" means anyone you have ever had sex with, no matter what you call that relationship. FWB, fuck buddy, etc.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2012): Even though you say youre ok with him talking to girls do you honestly think if he talked to ex gfs you wouldnt be bothered at all?? and if you truly wouldnt then still everyone is different and if you rly care for ur bf then you should make sacrifices to keep him feeling secure... othrwise in the future itll pretty much come back to bite u in the butt lol...
God bless and take care! :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2012): You shouldnt be still talking to your exes. There are from your past and thats where they should stay. How would u like if he started hanging out with his exes and became all friendly? Im sure u wouldnt like it. The fact u kissed these guys before would increase chances of it happening again. Not saying your a cheat, because im sure your not-im just saying it increases the chances.
Its not healthy-it doesnt allow u to move on properly- and people say oh me and the ex we're just friends-it doesnt mean anything-i think thats rubbish. Theres plenty of people out there u can be friends with without putting a new relationship at jeopardy like that.
Heres what i think. You know it bothers him so if you care about him then why would u put him through that?? If you dropped your ex's as so called friends and kept on male friends (you're not romantically linked to or have any feelings for that could lead something more in future) then i dont see the problem. Sit him down, explain to him the male friends u have now mean nothing romantically theyre just friends and i think itll make your relationship stronger and make him feel better.
Face it - you know the answer yourself the fact u posted the question! A comprimise is best and i think he'd be happy with that as you should be too!
Best of luck.
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