A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:To get right down to it, I am in love with a guy and I am 100 percent sure I would like to spend the rest of my life with him. We dated, broke up, dated again, and broke up because he could never make up his mind whether or not he wanted to be with me. My feelings for him have never changed and I love him more than anyone in the world. The last time we broke up, I had a one-night thing with a friend of a friend who assumed that we were then together. I went with it because I was in rebound mode, and we've been dating for about five months. He is a great guy-sweet and devoted, and I trust him completely. He would do anything for me, and he loves me. I do not love him, and I do not want to be with him forever. Well, my ex came back and apologized for everything and said he was miserable without me, etc. etc. He said he wanted to be with me forever. It's literally my dream come true. He said it didn't matter how long it took, that he was going to earn my trust back and show that he has changed. I have not done anything more than meet him for coffee so he could tell me how he felt because I am still in a relationship with the other guy. I want to be with my ex, but I just don't think it's fair for my current partner. he has been nothing but loyal and kind and amazing to me, and the ex has done some really shady things in the past. I feel like if I choose my current partner, I will regret it for the rest of my life, but if I choose my ex, the current partner will be completely devastated and I feel like it's the most douchebaggy move I could make. Help?!
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (15 August 2010):
 You asked whether or not you should do what's best for you or what's right. It seems they are both one and the same. You don't love your current boyfriend, you're only afraid of hurting him, correct? It sounds like you are just hurting him now by staying with him with a hollow love towards him. It's pity and guilt that keeps you with him and neither of those are the emotions you should build a relationship on. You love your ex but you are unsure of whether or not he will actually stay with you. Honestly, I believe there is a small chance he will keep his promise but you have to be very careful or you will get hurt. He seems like he wants to be with you by the way you described him but I don't know him so I can't be sure.
Just remember that it no longer matters which choice you make because someone is going to get hurt one way or the other.
Good Luck
I hope that helps.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010): No offence OP but you're living in a fantasy world if you think your ex has changed or if you think you're somehow going to live happy ever after with him.
He dumped you twice because he couldn't make up his mind and now you think he loves you all of a sudden? Really? You believe that?
He's telling you exactly what you want to hear so he can get you back, it's that simple. For whatever reason he wants you back but I seriously doubt it's the dream reason you think it is. It took him a hell of a lot of time and trying out a lot of different girls to suddenly want to come back to you.
I have a feeling you're going to go back to him though, no matter how many people tell you it's a bad idea. He's hurt you twice before and whether you believe me or not he's hurting you again now by not letting you go and move on with your life.
He only wants you now because he can't have you, when you go back to him again after dumping this new guy, which you will have to anyway if you don't love him, then his old feelings will resurface because the chase is over.
Let me make this clear to you, while it might be nice for a while, your ex WILL hurt you again. It's habit for him and there are no bad consequences for him to hurt you because he knows you'll always come back to him.
The dream guy that you wish your ex is, is never going to happen, he's the same guy who hurt you both those other times, we humans don't change that much in that amount of time and when we do it. The only thing that's changed for him is that he doesn't have you, "the fool" that will keep letting him hurt her over and over. You wanna know why he's coming back to you, because it's very hard to find another woman who will let him do all the awful things he's done to you, one that will take him back time after time blinded by fantasy and love. Most women don't give third chances to players like him.
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A
female
reader, BlueBag  +, writes (12 August 2010):
 I think you should definitely end the relationship with your current boyfriend because you are stringing him along, he clearly has strong feelings towards you from what you've written, its just not fair on him.
As for your ex, I'm not sure whether you should go there again. As you've said, he's done some really shady things in the past and who's to say he won't start acting the same again as soon as he knows he has you for good?
I think you should take some time to be on your own. Meet new people and find someone that respects you - who isn't just a rebound, someone you can fall in love with and never worry that he'll cheat or be shady, ever.
You deserve to be happy, I just dont think your ex is the right way to go. Good luck :)
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