A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just need some advice. Is it crazy to marry youre first boyfriend? I am so in love with my boyfriend of one year. I never wanted to get married or have kids, and now that I see how powerful love is, i can't wait to have kids. I honestly think he is the one. Buuut, he is my first boyfriend. Should I date around before deciding, or could this really be it? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2008): I also think that you should date other guys. My wife and I married our first real girl/boyfriends our first time. After our divorces from our first partners we dated more people. I probably didn't date enough women, but I felt I had found the best I was going to find and needed to stop looking sometime. We got married 6 years after we started dating and have had a great marriage, much better than either of our first marriages. If I had just gone with her after my divorce than I think that I would have always wondered if I could have done better. I would have also had a desire for more sexual experience that is not normally possible after marriage.
A
male
reader, xylplxym +, writes (7 February 2008):
I agree that it isn't so impossible to find "the one" even at your age. Also, I do think a year is a little soon to be thinking of marriage. I know someone who went 15 years before being sure of marriage. I hate to say it is because you are young and don't understand what marriage is, but well you kinda are. Serious dating is great at your age; hardly any real responsiblity like supporting yourself financially or otherwise.
But marriage is different, it takes more than just a strong feeling of love. And I can't stress that enough. And yeah, I know, all you need is love right? Well if thats true, then waiting a few more years shouldn't hurt your relationship should it? The guy I mentioned has been happily married for a few decades now because he made sure; waiting didn't hurt the relationship at all.
Oh and don't ever get caught up in the notion that you should "test the waters" and start having sex with different guys. A long sexual history only means that risk of getting STDs is increased quite a bit. Some don't have tale signs until when you are married, want kids, but then you learn form your doctor that you cant have children because of a disease you didn't know you had. I don't want you to go through that pain. Now I really don't want to know if you are sexually active right now because then I would be forced to tell you why its wrong aside froom the STD thing. But either way you deserve to know that sex is not love and love is not sex (talking about the premarital kind of course). Surely society has not degraded love to that level. (And if you are reading this cherriepie, I honestly wrote this before reading your answer, so nothing personal but I disagree full heartedly with you)
But anyway, stay with him if that is what you truely want. But unless you plan on dying anytime soon, don't rush into marriage. It's a bigger commitment then you might think.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (6 February 2008):
 Hi,You love this guy, and sure he may be the one but you are right you have no frame of reference.But why focus on marriage and kids now at your age, you can date for as long as you want, if in a few years you still feel the same way then get married and start your family, but not too soon, you may find yourself back on this site as a 28 year old wondering what it would have been like to experiment before you got married.There is no reason you can't meet Mr Right at a young age, but it is crazy to start talking about kids and marriage now, that is where you look like you arent thinking straight.Go with the flow, thank your lucky stars you arent dating an arsehole and see what happens in a few years time. Why the rush?
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A
female
reader, stoocute40 +, writes (6 February 2008):
I don't think it's totally crazy. If you guys are serious about each other and you think he's the one then there's nothing wrong with that. If you were to date around if you really do love this guy, then you'll see how much the world is full of jerks and guys that just want to take advantage of you. Trust me I've dated around and when I met my soulmate, we hit it off right away and I knew right away that I wanted to be with him, and at that moment I thought to myself, why did I date all those other losers, why couldn't I have met him first and save myself from hearbreak and mistakes I wish I didn't make?
So whatever you choose I wish you luck and I hope I helped.
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A
female
reader, Cherriepie +, writes (6 February 2008):
 In my opinion yes you should date other guys before you marry, especially at your young age. He may be the actual best man for you, but you dont have a big point of referernce to know do you? If he is the ONE....you both have nothing to worry about. You should part ways for an agreed period of time....half a year maybe, and test the waters. Meet other guys and create a point of referernce for your relationship...it wouldnt hurt if some of that were sexual, but always use protection. If this doesnt apppeal to you, I still say you wait a while before getting married. You are both still young and should be thinking about your schooling and careers first. If you are meant to be together, nothing will hurt what you have.
If he were sexually active before meeting you, and you werent, it could cause an imbalance in your future....you will always wonder in the back of your mind what it would feel like being with another guy.
In any case do a lot of thinking and planning before you get married. I wish you well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008): Well if you feel that he is the one then, there's no need to date around, because if you do you'll just end up seeing how there's a bunch of jerks out there and only want to take advantage of you. Trust me i've dated other guys and they've turned out to be real jerks, then I found my soulmate and we hit it off right away, and I thought to myself, I can't believe I dated those other losers why couldnt I just have met him first instead of making all those mistakes with the other guys. So im happy for you, I hope you guys have a longlasting relationship! And I wish you the best of luck!
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female
reader, LouLee  +, writes (6 February 2008):
 Well, i would've said you should experiment, different partners etc before you decide to marry your first boyfriend but life never really works out how you expect it so if you honestly believe he is the one.. go for it.. i'm not sure if you've seen Lucky 7, but this girl is in a similar situation to you! lol..best wishes x
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