A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Just wondering...So me and my boyfriend have been going out for almost a year, and we already know that we are going to get married. But before we were together he had been with a lot of girls, too many to count off hand....and everytime I hear stories about what he did with a previous girl or who he dated, I can't help but get jelous. I already know that he loves me and only wants to be with me, but when he lusts after another girl on tv or a magazine or even bringing up past relationships, I can't help but get upset.Is that normal, or am I just being paranoid?I mean his previous girlfriends have harrassed me because all of them are still in love with him and he plays in a band so there are girls constantly around him and hanging on him and trying to get with him. I mean I have a right to get upset about that. But what do I do?And what can I do so that I don't get jelous at the drop of a hat?
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male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (7 February 2008):
This is a typical case of what we call inferiority complex.You always feel threatened by any other girl who tries to come close to your man.For how long will you go on like that? You need to tackle it from a different unique angle.Instead of feeling jealous and hating his exes and any new girl vying for his attention.Put your energies into making his heart yours completely.I think you are not yet 100% sure if he loves.Even if you lock up a man in da hse,he can cheat on you if his heart isn't yet yours.If it really bothers you,that he's had so many exes think twice about being with him.I've always believed this shouldn't be a reason to leave your partner.
Good Luck.
A
male
reader, useiwayne +, writes (7 February 2008):
 I am a male answering your question. You ARE being normal. I disagree with people who think that you should completely ignore another's past. It does matter that he was with a lot of girls before you.
- Not all guys are out shagging every girl who will drop her panties. That is not true! If you don't like being yet another woman with whom he has shared himself, find someone who has little to no sexual past. Despite the seeminly "conventional wisdom" training a virgin guy to be the dream lover you want is OK and FUN!
- Your jealousy will not simply go away. Unless this guy chooses to forget (or actively refuse to remember, think about) the women he was with, the way you look, feel, everything will be compared on a regular basis.
- How special are you to him when you are intimate? In reality, you are not. You may be special to him as a person, but the sexual side of your relationship is not special.
The first person to post a comment was absolutely right about the groupies - if you want this person, dealing with other girls throwing themselves at him is what you will need to accept. ONLY you can decide if that is what you want.
Basically, not all guys have slept with tons of women. Find someone whose past does not affect you, being jealous is normal and ok. Don't suffer or be afraid, find someone who, when you are intimate with them, it IS special because YOU are either the only person he has ever known or you are so far beyond anything he has ever had the other women are a joke. I wish you the best!
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (6 February 2008):
 Blimey when you get to my age, most the guys you get with have married, dated, shagged and snogged a ton of women. Past is past. He loves you. Trust me, something like that wont be an issue in years to come.
Him being in a band throws up all kinds of issues though, my cousin is lead in a band and makes the most of that benefit! But not all band members are like that. But a certain amount of female attention goes hand in hand with it, and only you can decide if you can stomach that. He cant control what groupies do at the end of the day. If he loves and only wants you, there is a certain amount of trust you have to put in him.
But once again, only you can do that.
Counselling might shed some light on why you are a jealous person?
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008): Hi Hunny
Im sending you a link to help you, This will make you ill and it cant carry on. I understand but all the worry and pressure you are putting on yourself and your relationship will hurt you in the end if it isnt already I hope this helps http://www.nomorejealousy.com/
TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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