A
female
age
30-35,
*oyie
writes:We have known for sometime now...i am 19,he is 18...he has been so caring and loving that whenever we hang out he puts his head on my shoulder,holds my waist and shoulder like we are already dating,but i have not said yes though he has asked me severally to date him but recently we met and he looked deep into my eyes like never before and begged me to be his girlfriend,i felt so shy that i couldnt look him in the eyes and yet i gave no answer.i do like dis guy but am scared if the relationship will last,i dnt want to regret or get hurt,again i am older than he is but i really do like him,what should i do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (29 March 2013):
Hi there. In what environment is it, that this guy puts his arm around your waist or around your shoulder?
Is it in a social environment?
And are you in a social group where there are a number of other people there also?
It sounds like that, to me.
Because, as you have said it seems like it's a casual situation and nothing formal.
Like, it's not just you and him.
There is no way to know if something is going to last, unless you take that leap of faith, and just do it.
It really is the only way to find out for sure.
Because, if you don't try it, you will always be wondering - "What if?"
Don't do that to yourself.
Whenever the heart is involved, we just have to take the chance and see what happens.
A word of advice though.
Don't allow yourself to fall in love too soon, just let it be friends for a while.
Well, at least until HE makes it official - and then only, if you feel the same way.
It doesn't matter that you are shy, because as you get to know him better by going out with him, you will start to relax once the initial awkwardness starts to fade.
Everyone feels a little shy and nervous, with someone they have feelings for and don't know very well.
It is perfectly normal, and we all feel that way - both guys and girls.
So don't let it stand in the way.
If he wants to ask you out, well then just say "Yes" to him.
Whether it is just going out for a coffee together, you will get to chat and find out a little bit about each other, and it does get easier as time goes by.
You will get to know about hobbies and interests, life philosophy, family life, brothers and sisters, and a whole lot of interesting stuff.
And you will start to see where you share some common ground with each other, and then it will become much easier for you both.
This all takes some time, although you will pretty much learn a lot about each other within an hour or so.
Things such as:-
(1) Personality.
(2) Sense of humour.
(3) Kindness and personal warmth.
(4) Personal opinions on various things.
(5) Hobbies and interests.
(6) Favourite shows on television.
(7) Movies you both like.
(8) Types of music.
(9) Books you like reading.
(10)Family life - nothing too deep or personal though. And certainly no deep dark family secrets.
And so many more things, that you can both discuss with each other in general conversation.
A word of warning though.
Whatever you do, subjects that are NOT for discussion are:-
(1) Politics.
(2) Religion.
(3) Past relationships (ex boyfriends, ex girlfriends).
(4) Don't share anything very personal about yourself - just keep it light, warm and friendly.
These are all absolutely taboo.
Don't be afraid, if you really like this guy, then say "Yes" to going out with him.
And see if you like him, to start with.
You can't make a decision as to whether to be his girlfriend, until you know him well, which could take a month or two.
If you don't say "Yes" to him very soon, he may well give up on you, and ask someone else out instead, believing you are just not interested in him at all.
No-one wants to be rejected.
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