A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is only a quick question but something which is seriously troubling me... Some opinions from you lovely people would be appreciated!There is this guy from work I really like, we really click, if anything was to happen between us I know I would be happy! And if not he is still a fabulous friend. But we have a few photos (just from nights out together) and it looks like (only one or two) that he has a cold sore.I just want to know if anything was to happen between us, do you think it is worth going with a guy who has these? I know there are ways around catching herpes but I am not certain on anything. All in all he's a great guy, he listens, he has a laugh, he is sweet, and I also happen to know he is very personally hygienic! But I really am stuck. What should I do? Any opinions/advice would be great.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 November 2012):
 my husband has cold sores. we've been together for two years and any time he's stressed he breaks out in one spot on his upper lip. I don't stop kissing him... (not cool I know) and yet I've not gotten cold sores yet.
I so would NOT discount dating someone who gets cold sores.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (9 November 2012):
 "Person 12345 I'm sorry but your information is incorrect. I have Herpes simplex 1 also known as oral herpes on my genitals. I've never had a cold sore in my life but my husband gets them occasionally. During a time he had no symptoms he gave me herpes through oral sex. It's a terrible thing but ANY time you are engaging in oral sex it's a risk you take."Sorry what I meant was not written clearly. I said you can only get infected once. I didn't mean you can only get infected on your mouth. You can get it really on any mucus membrane, but wherever it's first infected is where it will stay. If you get infected in your mouth, you can't then later get infected on your genitals with the same virus and visa versa (or eyes, you can get eye herpes, but not if you already have that virus somewhere else).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012): Person 12345 I'm sorry but your information is incorrect. I have Herpes simplex 1 also known as oral herpes on my genitals. I've never had a cold sore in my life but my husband gets them occasionally. During a time he had no symptoms he gave me herpes through oral sex. It's a terrible thing but ANY time you are engaging in oral sex it's a risk you take. About 80% of the population are carriers by the age 20 while only 15% show symptoms. So 65% OF America is walking around without even knowing. They don't test for it on a regular std test either but you can have it tested during an outbreak.It comes and goes and I've had outbreaks maybe one a year for 5 years. Medicine clears it up in about a week. I understand your hesitation but with so many people carring it you likely already have it without symptoms. You shouldn't let it deter you.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (8 November 2012):
 Hi
I used to get cold sores years ago, they always appeared when I was tired, run down or stressed out. It was never suggested I had Herpes,even by my GP, thank goodness.
Don't jump the gun, they might not even BE cold sores! If you like him then hopefully this will lead to a happy relationship,one where you can ask him questions too...
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (8 November 2012):
Chances are you already have that form of herpes. 80% of the population does, but only 15% of people who have it get sores. You can always go to the doctor and they can tell you if you are carrying it.
Cold sores are a form of herpes, BUT! and there is a big but, you can only catch it in one place. So if he has them on his mouth, they will always come up on his mouth and only his mouth. He doesn't have genital herpes. It's just his mouth. Like most people (probably including you) he probably caught it as a baby.
If you catch it from him on your mouth, they will only be on your mouth. And in all likelihood you wouldn't get sores anyways. Once you haven't you can't touch the sore and then touch your eyes or genitals and transfer it. Once you have it, it's there, and it won't move around. I get cold sores and I always get them in the exact same spot within half an inch.
A cold sore is not a good reason to not go out with someone, you will have to eliminate 80% of the population for having the virus. My sister's husband gets them and she's never picked it up. She even went to the doctor to be checked for the virus and it's not in her system. If you like him go out with him. Cold sores are not a big deal.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012): as the person below said its true ANYONE can get cold sores, it doesn't mean he is dirty or sexually active with a numerous amount of people but. if this really does bother you then its something you should sit down and discuss with him. politely ask for him to take some tests to make sure he's clean, and if you really care about his feelings then maybe you should take some to so he doesn't get the image of you thinking less of him. As of ''do you think its worth getting into a relationship with someone who is infected'' you can explain to million people why you are scared etc etc, but only YOU truly know and feel if he is worth it but maybe the sexual stuff should wait until you guys are in a serious loving relationship
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 November 2012):
 I think if anything is going to happen between you two you should have a talk about this first. Instead of deducting his medical history from a couple of pictures.
Talk to him. If you and him get closer, and things get serious, then talk to him rather than just jump into the sack with him on a one night stand. This is what dating is for: to talk and get to know one another.
If he's got herpes and you get with him then in all likelihood you will get herpes too. But a sore on the lip doesn't mean herpes in all cases.
Talk to him first, figure out if he does indeed have an STD, maybe even talk to your doctor about this once you know the facts. Then come back to us.
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A
female
reader, Lolly_Poll +, writes (8 November 2012):
Anyone can get a cold sore, it doesn't mean you're dirty or anything like that. There's no way you should let a cold sore stopping you going for this, you may well have had a cold sore as a child, or could develop one at some point in life. They're not a big deal at all, just whilst he has an open cold sore, don't kiss or engage in other activities that could transmit the virus to more intimate activities. Asides from that there's nothing stopping you developing and continuing a perfectly healthy relationship :)
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