A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, I've been single for just over a year no problems with that, I'm actually perfectly happy. In this year I've been single, I've became quite good friends with a guy, nothing romantic. He's in the army so we only hang out like once a month when he comes home and we'd speak like twice a week. Since about August, we've been texting or FaceTime every day. It's really weird because when something really good happens in my day, he's the first person I want to tell and he says that he wishes he could have been there with me and stuff like that. I know that I don't want anything romantic from him, I have serious commitment issues and I self sabotage relationships/friendships when I feel they're getting too close to me. Is it possible that he wants more from me than just being friends?
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm fully aware of the root of my commitment issues. Don't wish to go into it but basically it comes down to me not trusting people and I'm just quite a solitary person.I know exactly what I want and a relationship is not one of those things. I haven't given him any reason to believe otherwise, he knows that right now its something I can't do. Yeah he is a good guy and he's my friend so obviously I don't want to hurt him. I've been in love so I know I don't love him. If I don't talk to him for a few days, I miss him. So there's no denying that I care about him. We can't spend more time together, he only comes home once a month for the weekend because of his job. He's home on leave in 2 weeks so we're going to be hanging out over Christmas. So should I bring up what is it he wants from me?
A
female
reader, heartgirl  +, writes (4 December 2012):
Dear Cupid Answer
Hello there, I read your letter and I want to help you. It looks like you are in a predicament here. Do not worry everybody has those once in a wild. But we can’t let them get in the way of our lives. We need to solve those predicaments. But before you can solve them I think there are a few issues you should solve first.
First, you should try to figure out why is it that you have commitment issues. What happen in your life to lead you to not like people getting close to you? What caused you to eventually push people away? That is what you need to find out because you said that you “self-sabotage relationships/friendships.” This is not good because it is sad to push people away. You need people in your life who love you and care for you.
Second, I think you should know what you want. You should not give him the wrong idea about you. I say this because you said, “When something really good happens in my day, he’s the first person I want to tell.” This tells him that maybe he is as important to you as you are to him. If that is not what you are feeling or trying to say at all then may you should let him know. I don’t think you want to hurt his feelings, do you?
Finally, if in fact you do want him with you then I think you guys should spend more time together. I think that hanging out “once a month when he comes home” is not enough. Also I do not think that “texting or Face Time” is not enough either. You guys should spend more time physically together and get to know each other better. In time maybe you guys can start a relationship and see where that leads both of you. You never know what you may find and if you might like it.
I want to help you because I like you also have some commitment issues, but I do not let that control my life. If you love a person you should not let him go. I think you love him the same way he loves you and that kind of scares you, but you should not be scared because love is a beautiful thing that heals your heart. It makes things better. Like I suggested before I think that both of you should start something together. He looks or sounds like he’s a very nice guy. After all, you never know what a beautiful thing you might find in the end.
If you need more help then you can visit a web site that I think it’s very good. The web site is: http://www.gotosee.co.uk/healtharticles/2008/12/realtionship-problems-commitment-issues/
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (8 November 2012):
 Hi
He's the only one who can answer this question.But he definately shows signs that he likes you and you are both getting to know each other slowly.Just think of him as a good friend for now.
...............................
|
