A
female
age
41-50,
*upcake21
writes:I'm 28 and I've just come out of a six month relationship with a lovely man. The main reason we broke up is because I was suffering from really bad depression and I used to act irrationally and pick arguments with him a lot. I broke up with him over something silly because I was on so many anti-depressants and really not well in myself. I immediately regretted this and apologised profusely and asked for another chance. However, he said that he didn't think we could make the relationship work and that's just how it was for him (I imagine he'd had enough of the arguments). Admittedly I was very upset as we were very close and had discussed the future (marriage and stuff)and I couldn't understand what it was that he felt we couldn't work through, especially if we were going to be together for the rest of our lives. But anyway, he said his mind was made up and so I decided to accept it as I wanted him to be happy. We've stayed friends, but I can't seem to move on, as my feelings are still very strong and I still fancy him very much. I really enjoy being friends with him and I don't want to end the friendship, but I can't help feeling that being friends with him is not helping, because of the strength of my feelings for him (it's only been two and a half months since we broke up) and because I keep thinking that we might one day be together again. Should I cut off all contact with him and ruin a potentially good friendship (not to mention upsetting him as well and ruining the possibility that we might get back together one day)or should I be content to have him in my life as a friend and hope that my feelings eventually go away? I have never felt like this about anyone before and I honestly believe I never will. Am I being silly in thinking that we might rekindle things one day? I have since sought treatment for my depression and I feel much better - part of me hopes that if he learns to trust me again and sees that I've changed, he might reconsider. Any advice appreciated.
View related questions:
broke up, get back together, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 March 2010):
I'm not sure he did. Love takes time to truly develop, and he didn't allow time. I think he was in love with you, but I don't think he gave it a chance to develop.
A
female
reader, Cupcake21 +, writes (15 March 2010):
Cupcake21 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for replying. Just out of curiosity - do you think he never loved me at all? I just feel a bit foolish - like I wasted six months of my life with a man who didn't love me. He certainly acted as though he did - he said he loved me all the time and he said he wanted to marry me. He did thoughtful and romantic things for me as well, so his behaviour suggested he loved me as well. Sorry to over-analyse, but I feel like I've made a really bad error of judgement with this relationship!
I did put him through a lot of crap, although admittedly the depression/anti-depressants didn't help in that respect. I used to fly off the handle with him all the time, going on and on at him, criticising him and pushing him away, so is it possible he did love me but he felt he couldn't cope any more? When we broke up he did say he loved me and that this was very hard for him, but he felt we just couldn't make it work.
...............................
A
female
reader, kaylandra  +, writes (14 March 2010):
 Yes cut him off because I mean he wasn't in love with u if he didn't even take a chance as to see if it would work and if u can't get over it take a break from him take a vacation see some other ppl go and have fun and mabe that will help ur depression and don't bea yourself up because u think its ur fault. U broke up with him for a reson nothing is an accident everything happens for a reson. And u will love again everybody love more than once but not all of ppls love is true you will no if you've found the right guy or not so get out there and try something new.
...............................
A
female
reader, Cupcake21 +, writes (14 March 2010):
Cupcake21 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, thanks for your reply! (I am the original poster of this question, just in case my user name doesn't show up next to this!)I do think you are right, but I would hate to think that I'd lose him as a friend forever. My feelings are still raw, so that's making me think irrationally, hence me thinking he's going to come back. I suppose I thought because we weren't together that long that maybe it was all too much for him and I did put him through an awful lot of crap, so maybe if I gave him time and space he would come round eventually. Just to clarify - I ended it after a silly argument because I was just so down and depressed. I guess it's hard to explain how I felt, unless someone has had depression themselves. I asked for forgiveness and he did forgive me and say that he loved me, but that he felt he couldn't do it anymore because it was too painful for him. But anyway, I do think you are right, I should cut contact and it will be better for me in the long run. I guess when you've just come out of a relationship, your head and heart are battling with each other and it's only after some time as passed that you look back realise that it wasn't worth it. Thanks again for replying!
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (14 March 2010):
Yes, cut contact. Your belief that he might come back is well and truly unfounded. He won't. If he loved you, this was something that you could have both worked through. As it is, he decided to end it. You're not silly to think that things might happen again, because you love the guy. But things won't happen again, and you will wind up even more hurt than you are now. The bottom line about men is that when we love someone, we work through the problems that arise. He knew you were depressed and needed support and understanding. He chose to leave. I think you'd do better to move on from him. Don't waste your life.
...............................
|
